To feel annoyed and unappreciated

[snowman72]

My 2 step daughters didn't even give me a card or just stick me on their dads card, no present nothing!!! Their dad gave them money to go xmas shopping they did get my 2 dcs a small present but I just feel completely taken for granted, I spent over £100 each on them each, I cooked Xmas dinner, I look after them pick them up from school or the normal things a parent would do but to just get nothing I feel so sad. Maybe I'm expecting too much but I think from now on we should just say their dads presents are from us both !

A thank u would be nice however that's manners!!!!! Having children of my own the same age I know this!!!

Yes, that's why I said a thank you would have been nice.

Why did their dad not take them out to buy you something, or at least remind them to do so themselves? At those ages I would be primarily pointing the blame on their parents - so what has your DH said about the situation?

At that age it's their dad's job to make sure they show you gratitude. They are too young and entitled to think about your feelings

YABUto be upset with them

Your DH children sound like brats!

I would stop with the lifts and just do the bare minimum.

Also THE STEP MOTHER IS ENTITLED TO A GOFT, Jesus guys.

Why wouldn’t she be? Sounds like most step parents tbh have to fix the other parents faults and get no thanks for it.

Tbh it’s probably there mum telling them not to get you anything like most ex wives do.

“They are still Kids” ... yeah ok guys

OP those children and there dad don’t sound like they value you enough and if He expects you to forgive them for being entitled .. throw the whole husband away

YANBU

I'm surprised they didn't think about you at all when out xmas shopping, their dad should have nudged them.

However, not even a card is pretty poor.

I would say something.

My DSS didn’t get me a present last Christmas. He knew I bought all of his Christmas presents from Santa as he’d picked them out, we also give him money to buy all his gifts. It was his way of letting me know he doesn’t like me.
For my birthday his dad bought the card & he refused to sign and give it to me until the day after.

This Christmas I’ve left it to his dad to organize his gifts. He didn’t buy him anything and is giving him cash instead
One half of me thinks that my DSS might learn a lesson in manners and not to piss off the person that actually buys the presents, the other half feels bad that he’s getting a thoughtless crap present from his dad.

Where's your DH in all of this if his girls are so ill mannered? Or did he have very little input into the girls upbringing that your placing all the blame on his Ex. Your very quick to acknowledge your own influence on your DC's manners so presumably reflecting same mirror to his Ex's detriment. again where is DH's influence?

I think a little of your disappointment should be directed at your husband-he should be the one pulling up the kids for not saying thank you "what do you say then?" And also should nudge them in the direction of buying you a gift-my two are 13 and 15, every year I take them gift shopping-they have a budget,and a list of people they have to buy for. My 13 year old is famous for buying the cheapest gifts so she has a bit to spend on a gift for herself at the end (she does buy things that make everyone laugh though,somwe all forgive her).bith of them enjoy buying presents for all the family who will be with us on the day. This year both godparents joined us (I wasn't aware that we would see them on the day) but the children had forgotten to buy them presents (because I hadn't reminded them) so I do think that we have to carefully suggest who they need to buy for-not just throw money at them and expect them to make the right choices.

I’m not surprised you are hurt.
I do not think there is any need to buy separate presents from their father. I definitely would not bother doing that again.
If I was their dad I would of checked with them that they had got you something and if I was their dad I would have been disappointed if I had learnt they had not. To not even put your name on the card is rude. They are old enough to know better. If I was their dad I would be having words.

It is a shame they have not responded naturally to you. I wouldn’t put yourself in a position to be disappointed again.

YANBU - No thank you is not acceptable- no matter who the gift is from, but in terms of no gift maybe YABU.
Do they have their own money/budget for gifts?
Mine are much younger and spend v little time staying with exh but I wouldn't spend a penny on her (she was ow, doesn't work & he pays bare min despite full time childcare bill) unless the children actively asked to buy something & then I would either get something v cheap or tell them to ask daddy. Nor would I suggest they include her on a card.
Not completely heartless bitch though - do get them to choose something for her daughter.
But everyone's circumstances are different - what does your dh say about his dd's behaviour?

You and their dad have been together for 6 years, do the children live with you at least part of the time (you mentioned you pick them up from school)? You were with him when they were young enough for you to have some input into their behaviour, and 6 years is certainly long enough to have some input!

You seem to have a very fractured "them and us" relationship. HIS children and YOUR children. Even though they are stepchildren, why are they just not all "our children"? If you had been together for a short time and not married, I can understand the separate gifts, but not when you have been together for so long.

But your DH really should have made sure they had bought presents for you, at that age it really isn't their fault. What did they buy with the money you said he gave them for presents for you...?

Well I guess when we weren't living together I used to get separate presents and I felt mean stopping when we moved in. But now I feel unappreciated, wrongly or rightly so yeh I think now is time to do joint presents. I set myself up for disappointment I realise that. They are teenagers after all

It seems like a misunderstanding since I've spoken to my dp there was a card bought for me but no one knows were it is, he did actually label one of his presents from them but I didn't notice! I feel bad now but still upset for some reason, maybe I'm being more over sensitive because my dad died xmas 2016 so I miss my own family. I dunno I'm just being silly!!