To opt out of gift giving

[Number17]

I love Christmas in terms of the decorations, food and family time but I hate exchanging presents. My immediate family do secret Santa but my in-laws give gifts to their whole family. Secret Santa was suggested but shot down very quickly. I'm starting to resent spending money and time buying presents for them all. My husband shops for most of the gifts but at such an expensive time of the year I feel that the our family should be the priority. To spend the money on days out and experiences for our children. Also, I know this makes me sound ungrateful but I am sick of receiving token gifts. Usually bath sets or books that I don't want that ends up going to the charity shop.

I hate the tat too but some people just wont stop. I have taken up regifting. I keep a chest with all the stuff I'm given through the year that I don't need. Label with who it came from (to make sure you dont rudely return to sender) and dish it back out to someone else later...

I'm a cheapskate but fuck it... the straw the broke it for me was receiving another fucking umbrella... for some reason because I never use them everyone I know thought I needed one. I now have a stash of them to give out to other people.

Thing is they all open the gifts at a big Christmas get together and take it in turns to open a gift each. Takes ages and it'd be very obvious that I'm regifting, as I seem to be one of the few that constantly receives bath sets and the likes. I hate the idea of even passing on tat too to be honest.

Next year just say very early (September time) 'we're not doing presents this year because we're a bit strapped for cash, please don't buy us anything because we'll be embarrassed we can't reciprocate'.

If they ignore you it's their own fault because you've given them fair warning.

I hate giving gifts for the sake of it. It just adds extra stress and expense and most people have what they need anyway.

gamerwidow - Yes, that's exactly what I want to do. Just feel like a scrooge and dread the backlash from his family. My husband isn't exactly on the same page either. He agrees that its a waste of time and money but is more of a people pleaser.

Just do it, they'll resist in the first year but they'll get used to it, You never know there might be another set of secret gift haters in the group too who'll love you for it!!

Presents should be just for children.

You could say it for environmental reasons? You just aren't comfortable with exchanging all this stuff any more.

Presents just for kids could be really unfair. For example my brother has no kids, whereas I have 3.

Could you limit the amount spent to 10 quid per person or even less? And when it comes to presents for you, you could either be very specific about what you want; or request that they all donate the gift money to a specific charity that you chose.

Have it all up over 10 years ago. Highly recommend it.

*gave

Can you develop a reaction to some fragrances over the summer and make it known that you can't have any. We genuinely can't and at least it cuts down on some wastage. Can you think of something you do like which you can drop hints about?

I have hinted about becoming a minimalist so I might push that a bit more this year

What about asking your DH to message them early on (October ish) to say ‘ooh in case you needed Xmas ideas I think Number17 would really like (new gloves/ tea/ X book/ donation to X).’ And ask them for some suggestions in return?

I think you also just need to move on from the angst of receiving horrible gifts. I used to feel terribly guilty at things my parents gave me which were horrible, but now I cheerfully thank them and add them to my charity shop bag with no stop in between. It is very hard to regift things that are not to your taste as you can only really give them to people you dislike. And I don't give pressies to those people.

That said my mother gave me an expensive piece of jewelry for my birthday that is not my taste at all and I am not at all sure what to do with it.

We did it. Bought and received no presents at all this year. It was a bit strange on Christmas morning as it was the firt time but then we forgot about it. We had a lovely day and the fact that we didn't have a pile of stuff to find houseroom for was such a relief. Also being able to concentrate on more important things beforehand was liberating.

I used to feel terribly guilty at things my parents gave me which were horrible, but now I cheerfully thank them and add them to my charity shop bag with no stop in between.

But what a waste. ££s for retailers, pennies for the charity. I pointed this out gently to relatives who had bought something that was clearly a “this’ll do” gift whilst explaining the no present thing.

I don't disagree pouty sprout but some battles aren't worth it and my mother and I do not have a close relationship in any event. She thinks they are great and thoughtful gifts but she has no interest in my life so just gets things she likes.

Also it is usually hand crafted at a fayre type stuff so the money is probsbly going to small businesses which is something positive.

I would love an umbrella Am always breaking them and having to buy a new one. I have never received one as a gift and have often wanted one. Obviously I am an umbrella loving saddo ( completely misses the point)

Anyway, we have done a secret santa the n my family ( £10-£30 limit) for 2 years now (we make an exception for children under 18 and people over 90 - ie my DM who is on her second childhood and loves Xmas and any gift disproportionately) .

It has transformed Christmas to a far more pleasurable and far less stressful event.