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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel bad about the small size of our Christmas?

58 replies

Elphie54 · 25/12/2018 18:13

This year kind of hit us hard and we are definitely feeling it. Last year I had bought my daughter a tons of gifts, along with several gifts for each member of the family.

This year, I only really got her 4 gifts, none of which were big items. I know her grandparents got her a lot, but I can’t help but feeling a bit like shit because we did not get her much. On top of that, I only get to spend a couple of hours with family today because I works last night and I work again tonight.

I know I shouldn’t feel bad because we did the best we could with what we had, but I feel like it was a disappointing Christmas for her.

OP posts:
tomhazard · 25/12/2018 18:55

My DC got so many presents from their grandparents, it was obscene really, the plastic, the waste, it made me feel awful.
DD is 6 and amongst the huge pile of stuff she is most happy with a notebook that locks. That's all she's played with all day.

I wish they'd had a 3rd of the gifts as it's just not what it's about. I've got to the end of the day and just feel awful and over indulgent and next year I've vowed for a low key affair ideally overseas.

Your DD has had plenty and at her age she will remember nothing of it

Onescaredmuma · 25/12/2018 18:56

We're having a tight Christmas this year 2 presents off us 1 off Santa and a small stocking. Mine are 6,4 and 1 but have all had an amazing day my oldest 2 both asked santa for a cheap poly pocket (I love how easily pleased they both are!) and they've both been over the moon with them. She won't remember this Christmas at that age anyway as long as she's got her mummy who clearly cares so much about her she's doing fine.

LynetteScavo · 25/12/2018 18:59

YABU

At that age my D.C. got one gift from us (and a few small sticking things) and gifts from relatives.

She's a baby, she really doesn't care.

You, on the other hand, are tired and stressed. You need to be kinder to yourself and stop trying to be perfect.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 25/12/2018 19:12

My DC (all in their thirties now) agree that what they remember about their childhood Christmases is the fun and the magic rather than the actual presents, most of which they have long forgotten. Your DD really won’t know the difference.

LoveBeingAMum555 · 25/12/2018 19:16

I have kids who are 18 and 20 and my advice would be to keep the presents low key and stick to your guns. There is so much pressure to spend stupid amounts of money on a huge pile of presents and in a week or so they will have forgotten who bought them what.

My kids get a lot of practical stuff which we would buy them anyway because we are still supporting them financially and money is tight. They got £200 each spent on them this year but DS1 got most of that spent on things that he needs for his apprenticeship and DS2 on clothes because he is growing like mad. They are so grateful but I feel guilty when I hear that DSs mate got a new XBox, £500 cash and other stuff.

You sound like a great Mum to me so please dont feel bad about it.

XmasPostmanBos · 25/12/2018 19:18

We should all remember that Christmas is not about material things. Gifts are nice, but the important thing is its a time of showing the love we have for each other and enjoy being together. If you are working hard for your dd that is also another way you show her your love too. You can spend a nice full day together on your day off and have a second Christmas. Little dc love the cheap, fun Christmas traditions more than their expensive presents or fine foods. They love their stocking full of bits from poundland and a tangerine. Who hasn't bought an expensive large toy only for the dc to prefer crawling into the box Grin And what is their favourite part of the Christmas dinner that took 4 hours to cook? The crackers!
You could give your dc the nicest present in the world, but if they didnt have your love and care it wouldn't make them happy. And if you give them the best thing you can afford with love even the most jaded teenager will secretly know you care.

Applesandpears23 · 25/12/2018 19:26

Have you seen that video that is going around about a child the same age as your daughter being delighted he unwrapped a banana? Both of mine loved having their own pack of crayons at that age. Tomorrow just relax and focus on making her laugh. That is much more important than stuff. My 18 month old loves putting things in random bags and walking around the house, taking laundry off the airer and putting it in the basket (or on her arms), and singing wheels on the bus. What makes your daughter happiest?

DasPepe · 25/12/2018 19:30

I wish I could go back in time and stop myself. We haven’t even given our daughters lots of presents, simply because they are not old enough to want so much yet (6 and 2). BUT their rooms are getting so full anyway. When you give so much and know something was a gift it’s really hard to get rid of if you need to make space. And you should have to anyway, but it’s hard working against “traditions”.
If you give her 4 things by the time she is 7 there will be 28 things in her room.

Santasushi · 25/12/2018 19:31

She won’t have a clue.
Mine are teens and don’t get much more!
Working over Christmas is a bastard, working nights over Christmas is worse imo because you try to fit it in but you are tired and emotional.

StrumpersPlunkett · 25/12/2018 19:36

I am not dismissing your feelings.
However, for perspective I just asked my 12 and 14 year old and they have no memory at all under the age of 4.
Your daughter won’t remember this Christmas. She will become a fabulous strong motivated woman because she has had you as her mum setting a fantastic example.

masktaster · 25/12/2018 19:38

DS is 18 months, and we do want/need/wear/read, so four gifts, and a stocking.
This year, half of his presents came from charity shops, the rest from sales (except the orange in his stocking!) Total cost around £15. He's had a great day, he didn't care that he didn't get "lots", or that there were only a couple of toys. GP yet to come, so there will be a little more there, but I actually prefer it low key, especially while he's so young to not be requesting ridiculously expensive tat.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 25/12/2018 19:41

I get why you feel rotten,and worry about impact on your child
I grew up in poor household,no big gifts,2nd hand or market stuff
My xmas memories are v happy,getting fruit in a sock,watching eastenders
Don’t be hard on yourself,give daughter a hug. And have a happy xmas

BottleOfJameson · 25/12/2018 19:42

21 months? The less the better! She would probably only feel overwhelmed with an ott day. She had a lovely time with her parents and got a few new toys at her age nothing could be better.

Jux · 25/12/2018 19:49

DH wouldn't even agree to buying dd gifts for er first few Xmas and birthdays! Just give her a box, he'd say, she'll be happy.

While that wasn't what she got, and there were also 2 grandmothers, 2 uncles andan aunt who gave her actual stuff, he was probably more right than I wanted to give him credit for.

italiancortado · 25/12/2018 19:50

21 MONTHS!!!

I genuinely thought you were taking about an older teen who had been used to big Christmases!

thenightsky · 25/12/2018 19:51

She won't even know it is Christmas.

To put it in context, my DS had a traumatic accident with broken bones, pain, operations etc, all abroad at the age of 4 years.

He is now in his 20s and has no memory of it at all. He thinks I made it all up. Even when I show him photos of him in hospital with pot on his leg, traction equipment etc.

EerieSilence · 25/12/2018 19:53

I have some breaking news for you: your 21 months old daughter won't even spot the presumed "tightness" of your Christmas. She doesn't care.
She will enjoy the kitchen and be happy about the time spent with you. Believe me. Forget the guilt. Enjoy all you have together.
Merry Christmas.

Yinv · 25/12/2018 19:53

She’s 21 months old. She will not have any idea re quantities. Don’t worry at all.

neveradullmoment99 · 25/12/2018 20:00

She is 2. She wont have any expectations any way but honestly, you did fine. I doubt I bought much more than a few items when my dc were that age. You should have zero guilt.

Rachelle3211 · 25/12/2018 20:03

I've only ever got our son two presents and we are fairly well off. One from Santa, one from us, and I make a family book on Shutterfly and give it him and dh each year.

BipBippadotta · 25/12/2018 20:05

My DS is 21 months - we got him a tiny toy cement mixer and 4 books. That's it! He had a brilliant Christmas: we let him sit in the sink with his wellies on, splashing around. Please don't beat yourself up over this sort of thing.

currentcake · 25/12/2018 20:16

Sorry @SilverLining10 but I doubt at 2.5 yo your child preferred your company to a heap of toys

Original poster
Elphie54 · 25/12/2018 21:29

Thank you everyone. This has made me feel much better.

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 25/12/2018 21:33

If it helps, she won't even remember this. You could just have got her a box and she'd be just as happy with that as the toys.

I'd be tempted if I had kids, for the first two years they got a box and bubble wrap. Babies at that age will spend hours with both.

Nacreous · 25/12/2018 21:35

When I was little my parents were scraping together coppers for food. I definitely didn't get a toy kitchen (wanted one for a long time as a child, also a little tikes car, never got either) so I think it sounds like you've got her fab presents!