Aibu Christmas gift related

[Amazonian27]

Bought mum what she asked for, for Christmas a non returnable jewellery item she had requested. I went round every jewellers in town deliberated over it carefully and picked something with my teenaged DD a bit over budget that we both unanimously agreed that my mum would love.
Mum phoned up this morning I past her around the family and everyone thanked her for their gifts. Phone came back to me I thanked her for my gift which was money and something odd which I would never comment on. I then had to prompt her to ask if she had open her presents and prompt again to see if she liked it. She then said it’s ok but really I preferred the other pair you bought me in the past. I was kind of gobsmacked really.

1. can’t believe how ungrateful and rude she’s being.
2. I am genuinely shocked she doesn’t like them as I put a lot of thought into what I buy and I am usually very good at choosing gifts for a range of people.

I think that's a perfectly ok comment for a close family member. She didn't say she hated it or she wouldn't wear it, she simply said it was fine but not as nice as another one (that you'd bought her). But then I don't believe in saying how wonderful presents are when they aren't - if the gift giver thinks you really love it, there's too much possibility they'll get another the same or similar.

Secondly, the proof of a thoughtful gift giver is that the gift is loved by the recipient! Not simply that you put a lot of thought into it (and on this occasion got it slightly wrong) ...

I don't think she's done anything wrong here. She didn't like it but wasn't going to tell you; you forced her into saying something and she was honest that she preferred another one.

I can understand a bit of wounded pride if you like being great at picking gifts, but you forced her to give you an opinion. You left her with the option of lying, which might mean you buy her things she's not keen on in future and generally isn't something most people would like to do; or telling you she wasn't keen. If she'd been thrilled, she'd have told you unprompted.

if my son gave me a gift that he had carefully chosen and I wasn't mad on it I'd say I loved it until the day I died and wear it everytime I saw him. I think it is unspeakably rude to do anything else.
Next year don't bother giving her anything and see how she likes it.

Thanks both for some perspective. I think it was more the tone of her voice and the pause when she said it was ok. Maybe if she’d just said thank you for her present upfront I might not have felt the need to.
But then thinking about it my mum goes on like that too. Even when I thank her upfront for her present she’ll say do you like it but often adds I got it from as couldn’t be bothered trailing round or something similar.
I have also messaged her saying sorry she didn’t like her gift I did visit all the jewellers in town and really thought she would like it. But if she doesn’t like it then I am happy to have it and can give her the money to choose another pair of earrings as I had visions of her giving them to my niece (her oldest and favourite grandchild when I have a DD) or chucking them out and not realising the value.

Honestly, if my DD bought me a lovely gift like that, I would be so grateful that she thought so much of me that even if it really wasn’t my taste I’d tell her I loved it. Because I would love it... for what it represented. Sorry she’s so ungrateful OP

Seems rude if she'd told you what she wanted and you got it! I don't agree with being told what to buy though, token gifts are better all round.

It's rude.

My DSis has bought a present I'm not keen on but she put effort into choosing it so I won't say anything. If she asks if I like it then I will say it's great.

My Dh bought me a small gift-only cheap as we don't do really presents. It is hideous(didn't say that).

He said , do you like it and I said no. No point lying. It is packed up to go back to John Lewis.

Of course it's not rude to tell your close family that something isn't perfect, that's just how you end up with shit misunderstandings. The dishonesty of the politeness is fine for strangers, it's not fine for close families.

I am genuinely shocked she doesn’t like them as I put a lot of thought into what I buy and I am usually very good at choosing gifts for a range of people.

And smashing that delusion is probably a good thing, especially as you prompted twice to demand a gushing "they're brilliant", when politeness would have acknowledged the lack of over-effusive thanks as code for they're okay.

sirfredfredgeorge - oh sorry I haven’t been to finishing school. Merry Christmas.

On what planet is it ok to be an entitled and ungrateful little arsehole just because it’s to a family member. Honestly the only appropriate response to receiving a gift is ‘thanks so much it’s lovely’. If you think giving a critique of the gifts you receive is acceptable you’re just an arsehole.

Sometimes honesty is not the best policy. Some people have trouble understanding that.
She was rude.

She was just plain rude! When you get a gift from your daughter you say thank you and how lovely it is as soon as possible you don't wait to be asked if you like them or say you don't even if that's true. Some people have no manners.

Yup, totally rude. I don't know anyone in real life who would try to argue it was ok.

Thanks redastherose and Neverunderfed - It was a real shock she didn’t like her gift as of all the gifts I bought this year this was the one I thought would be liked the most by anyone but I certainly didn’t expect the ungrateful reaction I got. She didn’t bring me up like that and I didn’t bring my DC up like that either.
My dads not been well so maybe that’s taking its toll on her.
She also wrapped one of my husbands presents and two of the DC’s gifts in tin foil this year. As well as getting my niece to write all her Christmas cards for her including all her family cards. My mum used to pick a nice card to daughter and her family but this year we got a card (not a particularly nice one) written by my 16 year old niece with from mum/dad and nanna/grandad I don’t know why either of us bothered with Christmas gifts or cards this year.

I think she's being bloody rude, especially when she knew it was something that couldn't be returned.

With all that as well I would worry that there was more to it.

With such a change in personality I would also worry there was something causing this change. Losing interest in doing things previously enjoyed is not a good sign.

Given your last post I wonder if your Mum is actually ok - seems a lot of what she is doing/saying is out of character?

I don't think she was rude. You prompted her for a reaction, it just wasn't what you expected. She's obviously having a tough time recently and was just being honest.

Update mum has messaged to say she’s got her earrings in and they look lovely?!? I think she was was maybe wanting to lash out and hurt me someone rather than didn’t like the gift.
It turns out niece wrote some cards but not all as my god mum phoned and my mum had wrote her card but niece wrote my uncles and mine. I think understandably Mum is less interested in Christmas now with my dad not being well. We did invite them here and have done for years but they didn’t want to come.

Bought mum what she asked for, for Christmas a non returnable jewellery item she had requested.

^YANBU whatsoever. You bought her what SHE asked for!!!!!