WIBU to spill my guts out

[Punto1]

It's Christmas, and I'm alone. Obviously a lot of choices and decisions by powers higher than me have lead to this. But am I ok to cry?

I'll be fine tomorrow.
Not sure whether to try to sleep through today or just live vicariously.

Another one here alone after being dumped.
I had lived on my own for years until I had a short lived disasterous relationship. But we were together last christmas and for some reason i cant go back to being on my own.
My rational head says that we were not good together but I just want to feel close to someone again.

I am also great at putting on a brave face. When I fell to pieces at work my boss was so surprised because I just laugh things off.
Asking for help was the hardest thing to do and I just picked a select few people to tell that I was struggling. That in itself felt as if I was giving in.
I would second counselling - I thought it was something I would never need but after 4 sessions I can see that it has done me the world of good.

Ok, @Punto1

I was on my own in 2013. I sobbed for hours on Christmas morning.

I'd had the end of a long-term relationship and my kids were with their father and his new wife. (Who's quite lovely btw)

Following my sob - I decided to clean out my wardrobe. I was also skint. But I bought a box (classy) of wine, put on some music and tried all my clothes on and fucking danced in front of the mirror. For four hours.

It got all my frustrations out. I was Anastasia for about an hour too.

I stuffed myself full of junk, threw up, cleaned up, then passed out until the 27th.

Failing the above, you're not alone in being alone. Some mirror talking might help.

And book to see your GP next week.

Have a hug and the lovely people on here will help you through this day.

Em, I was getting counselling (March and April for an abusive relationship) but work got in the way. Then something happened, so another service has tried to make contact, but I haven't called them back. Ok, spit it out, rape counselling.

I struggle with drinking. Also have what they call 'recurrent depressive disorder'. And then a personality disorder thrown in. The only psychiatrist who recognised anorexia in me was my lovely Irish shrink. Unfortunately he knew me for years and I could tell him everything. He was a gay man and I felt safe with him.
They have diagnosed me with Borderline personality disorder here. He diagnosed me with an 'unspecified eating disorder'.

I'm happiest when I'm very thin. I don't feel so ugly.
Not really the day for this shit is it?

Just ignore me, I'm fine. I'll get through today.

If I was you, I would sleep, eat whatever I fancied and watch a lot of telly. It will soon be over.

&

Get some Nine Inch Nails on. Noisy 90s choons. Keep chatting to us too.

Enjoy the bits you can. Lots of people will be ‘alone’ or feel it even when surrounded by family on a day like today. Big hugs x

Listening to Mi Gente

And some Shakira.

One Monday morning, I pulled my headphones out of my phone getting to the desk in the office and in the very quiet office, Shakira blasted out. Couldn't find how to stop it for about 20 seconds.

Mr. Perfect, 'whatever gets you through a Monday morning'.

I could have been listening to worse!

Thank you guys. I have a roof over my head. That is a lot more than some. I have the heating on. I'll get over myself soon lol. Just having a moment!

Say whatever you need to. No judgement, just support & a listening ear.

Be kind to yourself. It will seem alien and embarrassing, BUT it really works and is the greatest gift you can share with the world. For you, by you x

90s you say?

Oasis
Spice girls
All saints
Stone roses
Blur
S Club (who doesn’t love them?!)
Britney (sing I’m Britney Bitch! As loudly as you can)
N Sync
Backstreet boys
Take that

Xmas puts so much pressure on people. I had a relationship that started one xmas and ended the next, so I get that sinking feeling too. You will get through this- you are stronger than you feel. Honestly.

Hi OP,
Am also alone.

From what you have posted, you have been through a lot. Try to be kind to yourself. Do whatever gets you through.

I’m sorry to read how you feel. Cosy down with some Christmas tv of your choice, smug in the knowledge that nobody will interrupt it, pour yourself a drink and pig out on sweets.

I did spend a Christmas alone once (bf promised faithfully he would be over and he stood me up, I lived two hours from my parents) the next day I took matters into my own hands and went to my parents. Can you make arrangements to visit someone who will make you feel welcome tomorrow?

Remember you only have yourself to please so no Christmas Day argument for you today, there is always a silver lining.

Big hugs to you.

Unfortunately I'm a flight that I can't afford away from family.
I'll just keep annoying them with WhatsApp calls.

I've the same eating disorder problem..and I'm borderline wavea at you

Get that crying out of your system. It can go us good because it releases the chemical which builds up when we need to cry, and overstock of that chemical isn't good for us. Xxx

Hey OP. I think it's great you're posting on here and I wish you were feeling better. It sucks when you're struggling.

Ignore this if you want - I might be projecting. But I was also thought to have BPD. Made me feel shit. But it turned out I didn't. Due to my awful childhood, I had cPTSD, often misdiagnosed as BPD.

The right diagnosis is the one that leads to things getting better.

Keep talking if it's helping, you'll get lots of support here x

Hey posthisthoricmonsters
Haven't met anyone with quite the same combo before! Big wave.
Allkinds
My psychiatrist in Ireland would know everything about my childhood. He never diagnosed me with BPD. The psychiatrists here know nothing about my childhood and they diagnosed BPD.
I genuinely have no idea what cPTSD is, so it's hard to know. My Irish psychiatrist didn't always tell me what diagnoses he had put on me, I'd find out when I needed him to write a letter or something.