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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Uninvited for Christmas Day evening

28 replies

purplelass · 24/12/2018 21:32

So the plan was that I'd meet my daughter at her boyfriends tomorrow evening after she's spent the day with her dad.
I get on really well with the boyfriends family (or at least I thought I did!) but his mum texted DD this morning to say it wasn't convenient for me to go there as a family member wasn't well, but DD was still welcome.
She knows I'm going to be on my own on Christmas Day and that I'm not a party animal who's going to upset anyone.
I've arranged to go to a friend's for the evening and pick DD up later but I just don't understand why she's done this.
I'll be fine tmrw, just a bit sad tonight.

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 24/12/2018 21:37

Next year they should spend Christmas with you.

joopy79 · 24/12/2018 21:40

Very thoughtless, enjoy your evening with your friend and don't let it ruin Christmas.
What does your daughter think about it?

BottleOfJameson · 24/12/2018 21:40

So you had previously been invited and they removed the invitation today? That's incredibly rude and unkind. I can't understand why they'd do that. Perhaps there's some secret reason behind it but on the surface it's just not at all nice.

rubaduhlo · 24/12/2018 21:42

Oh that is really sad. I'm sorry you'll be on your own. Get the tv on and watch some festive programmes. Maybe even a Christmas day walk to get you out the house. Or maybe a local pub? We go to ours every Christmas and anyone would be welcomed in especially if they are alone.

trojanpony · 24/12/2018 21:43

Really rude of them Xmas SadFlowers

Your daughter should decline her invite and spend it with you

Original poster
purplelass · 24/12/2018 21:44

What does your daughter think about it?

She's upset and said if I couldn't go then she wouldn't go but I'm not going to stop her seeing her BF on Christmas Day.

OP posts:
Augusta2012 · 24/12/2018 21:46

Well, they have told you why. Why do you disbelieve them?

Presumably the relative is very sick so it’s understandable they aren’t going to be feeling very festive or up for hosting. DD is a different matter as they can leave her to her own devices with their DS, but there wouldn’t really be anyone to look after you.

Why don’t you speak to DD and see how she would feel about coming to you for part of the day?

I would try to be understanding in the circumstances and ask if there was anything I could do to help.

C0untDucku1a · 24/12/2018 21:46

Thenninvite them both to yours. If theres an ill relative it surely is better for the inlaws to have fewer people so they couldnt possibly object

CatnissEverdene · 24/12/2018 21:52

That's really rude OP at such short notice. Invites for Christmas Day aren't going to drop in your lap at this late stage and they know it will leave you alone. Can DD and her BF spend it with you at yours?

Popc0rn · 24/12/2018 21:52

If you're only going over for the evening, I don't get why it's such an issue. Surely the family member who isn't well will take themselves off to bed fairly early anyway (assuming they're an adult). But I'd like to think noone would be so rude on Christmas, so they must have a good reason. Merry Christmas!

DarkDarkNight · 24/12/2018 21:54

I’m presuming the boyfriend still lives at home? How rude of his mother. I don’t see why it is ok for your daughter to be there but not you. If somebody was that I’ll surely it would be no guests at all.

It puts your daughter in an awkward position as well.

Missingstreetlife · 24/12/2018 21:56

Invite bf to yours, he has all day with his mum. Somewhere, petrol station maybe, will be open for snacks and drinks if you've nothing in. Hope there is some good excuse. They owe you

Devilishpyjamas · 24/12/2018 21:58

How unwell is the family member? If they’re very unwell or terminally ill I can understand why they wouldn’t be up for hosting. It’s not necessarily anything to do with you - could just be that they have other important things to deal with.

NonaGrey · 24/12/2018 21:58

Presumably the relative is very sick so it’s understandable they aren’t going to be feeling very festive or up for hosting. DD is a different matter as they can leave her to her own devices with their DS, but there wouldn’t really be anyone to look after you.

^^This. It’s unfortunate of course and I’m sure they feel badly about it but it’s perfectly understandable.

arranbubonicplague · 24/12/2018 22:02

Likewise, I'd invite the BF along with your DD to your home. You will be parting ways later in the day and I'm sure you'll all be able to get festive food even if you don't have enough provisions in for a traditional Christmas lunch.

Family illness over this period is such a pest.

BirdieInTheHand · 24/12/2018 22:02

Gosh that's incredibly short notice - it'd have to be something really serious for them to treat you so badly Sad

DBN1 · 24/12/2018 22:13

Presumably the relative is very sick so it’s understandable they aren’t going to be feeling very festive or up for hosting. DD is a different matter as they can leave her to her own devices with their DS, but there wouldn’t really be anyone to look after you

Absolutely this.

TheMincePiesAreMine · 24/12/2018 22:14

I would assume the relative is dangerously ill. It's not a normal thing to do otherwise, but why assume they are being needlessly rude rather than they have a genuine crisis on their hands?

If they shared the diagnosis, prognosis or whatever would that make you feel better? I think they are right not to, and it's disappointing that the plans have been changed, but I think you should give them the benefit of the doubt.

DBN1 · 24/12/2018 22:15

It's one thing having your son's girlfriend around while you're caring for someone, they can amuse themselves but you would be considered a "guest" that needed hosting. They may just not feel up to that.

Oakmaiden · 24/12/2018 22:18

Sure I read a post earlier today where because dh had D&V the poster was advised to cancel an entire family coming round for Christmas dinner.

So - maybe it is something catching, and they don't mind your dd coming round - as they know she will be off with her bf and not mixing, but don't really want guests otherwise...?

TheMincePiesAreMine · 24/12/2018 22:21

That's a good point Oakmaiden.

Original poster
purplelass · 24/12/2018 22:24

Thanks for all your perspectives on this, I'm able to take it less personally now and get on with enjoying my Christmas.
Have a wonderful day everyone x

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 24/12/2018 22:26

That’s really sad for you. What’s the illness?

sollyfromsurrey · 24/12/2018 22:27

You can't pull an invitation for Christmas Day unless there is a mighty good reason. If the reason is that bad then all festivities would be off so DD would also not be able to go over. This is terribly bad form. Just rude.

Fairylea · 24/12/2018 22:28

I agree with the comment above that the girlfriend / daughter will probably just disappear upstairs with the boyfriend but a mum / extra person is a whole different ballgame in terms of hosting. I wouldn’t take it personally at all. I hope you can enjoy Christmas.