To ask for help with a condolence card?

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NC as potentially revealing. A friend and I were pregnant with our first at the same time. She lost her baby shortly after delivery and I've just had mine. She's not a close friend but we did bond a bit over shared pregnancy experience, we are friends on FB/social media and our DPs are also mates. We are utterly gutted for them and can't begin to imagine the grief they are experiencing.

They've sent us a birth announcement and I want to acknowledge it and the birth and death of their first DC. I'm not sure where to begin or what to say. We have not even told them that our bub is here, I won't mention it in the card of course but also not sure when or how to tell them, I suppose they must know as we were only due a few weeks apart.

Have you any suggestions for what to write in the card? I've chosen something solemn and plain as the sympathy cards didn't quite fit and the birth congratulations didn't either. I'm very much struggling, don't want to say too much or too little, or say something wrong or cause them more pain.

TIA x

I had a daughter who was born at term and died hours later. I don't expect she will want to see you, not because of anything you have done but because she will be in too much pain. Please just be concise and heartfelt and leave it at that.

I'm so sorry to hear that x

Oh gosh, yes, sorry I got the whole situation wrong.
How awful Vika, sorry to hear about your daughter.

@Vika1985 Thank you for your thoughts and experience would very much like to avoid being patronising so your feedback is very helpful

Apologies for confusion, we've had our baby and our baby is fine, our friend's baby died shortly after birth. I don't want to muddle the condolences with our birth announcement so I reckon I shouldnt mention anything in the card to them at all. I reckon they must know we've had the baby now as we were only a couple weeks apart in due dates.

Wasn't sure whether it was helpful to say XXX is loved and in our hearts and avoid saying memories as it highlights too much the loss? OR perhaps it's better to acknowledge? Really just gutted for them and don't want to say something insensitive. I miscarried our first pregnancy before this bub (and that is worlds different of course) but I remember how poorly so many people handled it, said the wrong thing, and would like to avoid doing that for this family, if possible.

I think you express how sorry you are to have heard their devastating news, and say to them that you understand that circumstances mean that they may find spending time with you difficult, but make it clear that if there is anything that you can do, that you are there for then

Them*

It's a tricky situation and I was almost in your position, except that my baby died too 6 weeks after my friend's baby.

I would take out the line but we hope that time will make the wound less raw and the pain less intense. I couldn't see past the next second let alone imagine a time when the pain might ease.

As PP said, even a card with thinking of you written inside will be kept and re-read whenever they need too. I have the cards sent to me in my son's memory box and they bring comfort knowing people thought about him.

I would maybe say something like thank you for the picture of your beautiful DC XXXX. (if there was a picture included in the announcement) We are thinking of you all the time at the moment and hope that time can take away some of the pain you are feeling now. We will never forget him/her.
Keep in simple and heart felt, I doubt they even have the mental energy to read much more than a line or two as a PP indicated above.
I would definitely NOT mention your baby as per your instinct, this is not the time for that.