Please tell me I'm not awful...

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I've been at my dads 200 miles away from home for the past week (though not seen him much as he's been at work). He's had to work today and is coming to mine for Christmas.

DH couldn't come away with me so has been without his 9 week old DS for over a week. Totally fine but he's missed him a lot.

Dad thought he was coming to ours tonight. I asked if he could come tomorrow so we could have presents just me, DH, DS and DSD (8).

He said it's ok but he got off work early and I'm now working myself up. I feel guilty and upset I've asked him to come tomorrow and drive a long way on Christmas morning, just to go back the next day.

I can't ask him to come tonight now, it's too late now and he'd feel like I'd asked him because I feel bad (kind of true).

WIBU? I feel terrible. It's not that we don't want him there, we've just never had Christmas together before as DSD is usually at her mums. It's her first Christmas with us.

I'm in tears. I suffer from GAD and am feeling like a horrible person. Thinking about my dad and just want Christmas over with...

You are absolutely not awful, not at all.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas Eve/morning together and then a really good time with your dad too.

Go easy on yourself OP, it’s a bloody stressful time of year. It’s ok to find it hard.

@ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn I'm actually in tears. I feel like my baby blues has come back I feel that bad!

You should have thought it through first. 200 miles is a long way to drive on Christmas morning, and you won't enjoy the present giving now because you know you were in the wrong. You can ask him to come tonight now, and I think you'd feel better if you do. We all make mistakes...

@Singlenotsingle it's too late now and I think he's had a couple of beers with his friend. I'm such a shit daughter :(

I just wanted to make it special for my DH who has never had a family Christmas and is a bit awkward around my family.

Please dont feel bad OP its just one of those things. If i were you id probably ask him to come tonight after all (say that thibking about it it wouldn't feel right without him there or something on those lines) but you may feel differently and be really set on having the morning to yourselves.
Its a nice idea for you but honestly id probably put your dads need first on this one, it is a very long drive to do for 1 day.
Sorry OP I'm reallyhoping that doesnt make you feel worse, i can imagine you already feel sick with guilt, i get the same. Dont be too hard on yourself, its your xmas too

Sorry x post, in that case just make sure you all have a great day tmr x

@DontTouchTheMoustache he's had a drink now and if I ask him he's just going to be even more annoyed that he now can't drive. I'm just sat here in tears feeling like a fool.

You're not a fool, it was just crossed wires. It wont feel like a big deal at all in a few days

Awww send him a text and give him a big hug tomorrow. Don't worry too much - you won't remember it in a week. Have a lovely day tomorrow xx

That's a long way to drive for him. Could he get a train if he's had a drink? Is your DH really that awkward around family he'd begrudge your Dad being there for a couple of days? Surely after a few 'beverages' and he'd chill: & it will be over quickly.

You've not treated your dad kindly at all, but your reaction is over the top.

@Bombardier25966 GAD tends to do that...

Could he get a train if he's had a drink?

It'd be massively unlikely he'd be able to do it on train this late on Christmas Eve. Most services finish early evening .

Definitely mixed messages. It will all work out. You didn’t know he took work off and he didn’t know you wanted the night for your wee family to yourself. Different expectations where nobody told the other what they wanted.

If it’s DSD and DH’s first family Christmas it makes sense to want some alone time. Can your dad stay an extra day on the end?

No I disagree Bombadier, firstly it was a misunderstanding, and secondly telling someone with MH struggles they’re OTT is really shit.

What's done is done. In a few days time it will be forgotten.

Put it behind you and enjoy your Christmas.

You know he may be enjoying a little bit of peace after having a baby in the house for a week and having the prospect of a noisy if joyous Christmas tomorrow.

Why not save some gifts for you all the exchange tomorrow when he arrives and make sure he gets a great welcome. That may be more special after all.

The last thing he would want is you getting in a state over it.

Go and relax if that’s possible and focus on having a lovely day tomorrow.

I think it's just hitting home how far away we are....

This is a GAD sufferers worst nightmare. Just want my dad to get here...

I think it was unreasonable of your Dad to put you on the spot like that. It sounds as though you had arrangements in place, and at the last minute, he comes home early and expects you to change your plans. Enjoy your family time together, and then make a fuss of him when he arrives. You can do things differently next year if you want too.

He's your dad not a friend or neighbour, I'd be hurt if my DS said I couldn't come and be there for Xmas morning if I was on my own. Your DH needs to grow up. I have GAD too, it doesn't make excuses for being mean

Isn’t it standard to finish early on Christmas Eve? Most offices I’ve worked at send an announcement out lunchtime/mid-afternoon to say all staff can leave early. (Happened to me today whoop) so I doubt it’s ahuge issue that he left early

You haven't been mean at all OP, it is your decision to make. Perhaps you have changed your mind, but on the other hand it sounds like a good idea to do the present opening together first. He is a grown man for goodness sake, it sounds like he's got company this evening, and if he leaves early tomorrow, he will be with you for pretty much the whole day tomorrow.
Don't think about it anymore, everyone is going to be just fine.

It’s perfectly fine for you to spend time as your nuclear unit as it’s a rare occurrence to have DSD there. I am a parent and wouldn’t begrudge you the time at all. Your Dad has seen you for a generous period up to now, and is invited to join you on Christmas Day - hardly stingy with your company are you ?