To Absolutely Loathe Christmas

[Fortyfatandfedup]

I feel a real grump today, but my family put such intense pressure on having a perfect Christmas that I just want to curl up under the duvet and not come out!

For example, my parents are massively materialistic, and I don't want my daughter brought up that way, so we've not bought her masses of stuff. However I know there will be a mountain of presents when we visit them tomorrow. It sounds really ungrateful, but for them it's quantity over quality - there will be so much absolute rubbish in there that we will end up giving most of it away (DD is only 2, so won't notice). There are so many examples where they force certain things on us to ensure they have the perfect Christmas.

It doesn't help that me and DH are sooo tired. We've both been ill with a sickness bug, and our daughter hasn't been that well either. I just want to sleep tbh.

I know it does sound unreasonable (and horribly ungrateful) but each year it seems to get worse and worse and I wish these few days to be over as quickly as possible.

I’m so sorry for all those who hate Christmas and feel it’s forced jollity and lots of materialistic crap.
Please take charge of your Christmas and decide how YOU want it to be next year.
It really should be nothing to do with money or presssure.
The highlights of my own Christmas are carol singing round the village beforehand, and the sheer joy, magic, and sense of community at the Midnight service on Christmas Eve - which is completely free!
We are celebrating the only gift that matters. God’s gift of his son to the world, in love for us. The knowledge that we are loved and have life eternal is far better than the latest plastic crap.
Take the pressure off yourselves. Have one small present each and a carry out dinner, if that’s what would be comfortable. Go for a family walk in the country or on the beach, sit and groan at a corny movie on tv, whatever you want. But feel and share God’s love, not the pressured misery of commercialism.

You're right Babdoc, it's definitely about taking more control and not going along with ridiculous expectations.

I really wish I liked it more. I think it's a combination of pretty bad childhood Christmas memories and then feeling the pressure (over compensating) to make a perfectly lovely Christmas for the dc, so they don't feel the way I did...but I can't erase my bad memories - most of the time I try to fake it.
I get annoyed at the forced fun aspect and the stupid comments that I should only do what I want to do (I would do nothing), when you have kids Christmas is not optional - at least in my head it's not - avoiding Christmas would make my kids miserable and that's hardly a better solution.

Me and my girls (24 and 11) had a lovely group hug in the kitchen. We don't get to spend much time together and it was a sweet moment for us 3. I am not looking forward to my family get together later but we are giving it an hour then slippinghome.
I amnt a big fan but I am determined to focus on us and its been rely nice and not about bullshit. Keeping the extended family out has helped. I don't want to run to anyone else's schedule.
My friend is doing the same. Said no to all the pressure and keeping stow key.

I don't celebrate it. I work most of Christmas and am home alone so generally Netflix and a pizza. That's about it

All things pass. A couple of days time, all over. Hold that thought.

The older you get, the more pointless it all seems. And you are all right about the enforced jollity of it all. There is no joy, just spending and eating and drinking.

I am spending it at home with DH. I always feel a bit of a failure this time of year - no family. But when I did have an extended family I didn't really enjoy it either, tensions and claustrophobic.

I have just been to the park for a walk. Lots of dogs running around.

I am being more dog today. I am going to live in the moment. Eat my dinner, read my book, have a pampering bath, drink nice wine, watch Call The Midwife.

I have an active day tomorrow. Going for a country walk. Exercise helps me chase the blues away.

I don't mind Christmas now we do it our way. We used to spend it with one or other of our families, but I absolutely hated it. DM getting stressed and snappy with everyone, DSF getting pissed, resentment if we went to my dad's, my MIL massively over-catering and sending us home loaded up with horrible leftovers, the huge piles of presents that the DC barely looked at. So once DS2 was born we announced that from now on we'd be spending Christmas at home - and since then it's been 100% better! We visit family the weekend before Christmas to deliver gifts and see everyone and then we come home and have a lovely, quiet Christmas, just the four of us. The rest of the family all moan about having to see everyone and I just smile sweetly. It's up to them what they choose to do. We have made our choice and we're very happy with it. So if you don't like the way you're celebrating now, change it to something you will enjoy. You only get one life. Live it the way you want.

the stupid comments that I should only do what I want to do (I would do nothing), when you have kids Christmas is not optional - at least in my head it's not - avoiding Christmas would make my kids miserable

Completely agree. It's not as easy as just opting out or doing it low key or jetting off to somewhere hot. When you have kids you have to go to the concerts and nativity plays, and display the ornaments they've made at school and do all the other "stuff" which if you ignored it all, would make them totally sad.

One year we were seriously looking at going somewhere like Portugal or the Canary islands for Christmas. From the reaction of the kids, you'd think I suggested barbecuing granny.

My Christmases have got much better since putting my foot down about the day. Normally all the kids are together and killing each other for most of the day, which makes it a complete misery. This year I told my brother that he needs to take his kids home for a couple of hours (they live round the corner) so that they have a chance to chill and so does my daughter. Especially as my beautiful niece is autistic, she needs down time to cope with the day and he isn’t good at giving her that time! So they fought all morning, had a Christmas dinner and then I shipped them off home with an invite to come back at tea time!
It’s about being realistic with expectations. My daughter is now happily playing alone with her toys and I am recharging my patience batteries for when they come back

I also understand what you mean about presents. My mum goes potty!

Well it's almost over...and yes, it has been just as I feared it would be - overwhelming and just depressing really.

It won't be like this next year - I'm determined things will be better, for my daughters sake. It will be lovely to have a more simple, but more special time.

My dinner went down a storm, my presents were well received, Jimi Hendrix and I enjoyed a few bottles of cote d’azur finest in the kitchen, I am a god of hospitality and front of house charm.

Next year I am sunning myself in Zanzibar.

Gin. Gin has been my friend today.

There were tears this morning. DH and I had words. My son basically told me to fuck off, he wasn’t getting out of bed (it was 1pm) he’s 18. My ageing mother had me driving around trying to find a chemist for something or other and then I HAD to tell her to STOP lecturing DH on how he SHOULD be cooking Christmas dinner.

All in all, next year, me and the dog are running away.

yeah, it's hard one! I love Christmas, I really enjoy the run-up to it, we do plenty of activities and I love preparing presents for the DCs (we don't do adult presents thankfully!).

BUT, my family have been bickering all day! There was too much food, they would have had a different kind of entree, why are "we" (read: me, I am the sod who buys and cooks all the food!) still bothering with turkey etc. etc., this is extended family, I should add. Nobody said even a thank you for cooking for us, that was nice, not one person!

Then they started on each other! No rows, but lots of little passive aggressive digs.

Now I am in the kitchen on here trying to ignore them all and hoping they will leave soon!

But the DCs were oblivious, played beautifully with their cousins and had a fantastic time.

The way I am looking at it, you obviously can't have the perfect day, but you can have moments, like last week all children in the family helping me make ginger bread biscuits and decorating them in very silly ways, while teasing me about the cheesy Christmas music I had put on, that was a good moment! worth it!

I'm sure that the people who enjoy Christmas are not those for whom it is done, except perhaps the DC, but those who have a measure of control about what they do. Having to fit in with the expectations of others, without having any say in what happens and when, tends to make the whole experience miserable.

Take back control of your Christmas

I don't think I've enjoyed Xmas since my parents broke up when I was ten, and I'm now 40. I go through the motions and act happy and fun for the kids, but I find it completely overwhelming and am emotionally wrung out by the end of it. It's a feat of endurance for me.

Nobody said even a thank you for cooking for us, that was nice, not one person!

That's awful missperegrinespeculiar - how rude and ungrateful of them all. This is a major reason why lots of people DON'T want to spend Christmas with their relatives.

I absolutely loathe Christmas too op. A load of hollow. The tinsel, the tree, the music, hate every bit of it. When my children are grown and start to don their own thing at Christmas in song even bother to put my tree up. In fact, I only put my tree up on Christmas eve and it'll be down tomorrow.

The only good bit is the look on the kids faces. Only one still believes in Santa and when that goes I think Christmas has lost that bit of magic.

Thank you juneau, yes, that's how I feel, like I don't want to do it again, especially since we would be quite happy just us, we mainly do the whole extended family thing because many of them are either elderly or on their own, or both, so it feels particularly ungrateful! But today we will have a fun day with just us and maybe go for a nice walk!

Hope you are having a good day today, too!

I breathed a sigh of relief that the big day is over. Too much pressure! I hate choosing presents and love anyone who tells me what they want, but then my family is grown up. I want- a book, a film, peace and quiet!

Another that is glad it's over and we didn't have to endure a big family gathering or the like. We had a quiet day, popped in to family in the morning then came home and binged on Netflix in between FaceTiming our children who live overseas. I just hate the excess of it all. Loathe the festive season.

Have realised I hate the lead up - the shopping - mostly the shopping - I really hate the shopping. We only have ourselves around the table and I generally find cooking enjoyable - once the shops are shut I enjoy our Christmas which is mostly low key and lovely - can we just have less shopping - have asked, kids aren’t keen!