to have an annual meltdown on christmas eve?

[merrybloominchristmas]

i would rather NOT have it but every year i seem to end up in tears.

father died suddenly and somewhat traumatically at christmas 8 years ago. It was his birthday at christmas too.
I feel his loss very keenly at this time of year so i think that's a big part of it.

i just feel disappointed too. like nothing is as it should be. everyine seems to have it all sorted much better than i do. houses look nicer, famili happier.

relationships come into focus and are found wanting and it all gets on top of me and i feel miserable as fucking sin.

i never usued to be like this-i used to lvove christmas-i want that me back please.

Big hugs. I don’t really have much advice unfortunately.

Maybe if you change or add some new traditions it could help. The change could make it feel bit different?

My dad also died on Christmas Eve 3 years ago -my son's first Christmas. This year is my daughter's first Christmas and I'm feeling it more than usual.

I try to surround myself with the business of Christmas. I've been baking with my son as my dad used to do with me... but then I think about how DH doesn't do that with him.

I've been sobbing for two hours over something relatively unimportant that suddenly meant everything in the world to me.

Can't shake it off, can't stop crying, trying to be fun for the kids but can't stop.

My father died earlier this year. I thought I was okay but maybe not....

Big hugs

Unfortunately, you are not alone. This illusion of happy families at Christmas is one of the reasons all problems/grief etc come home to roost. Coupled with the fact that we are biologically designed to semi-hibernate at this time of year, not flashlights and party, Instead of feeling bad about it, just allow yourself a little sad time. Time to reflect a little on the people you have lost, do less work and Christmassy things and look after yourself. After a couple of days shake yourself up and start the year, We dont have perfect lives and perfect families, even some of the ones who look like they do. Keep the family a bit at arms length