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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To donate some of these presents to charity

14 replies

Changednamer · 24/12/2018 11:49

I feel so bad writing this but DP thinks it’s unfair and my friends think it is fair! MIL is very frugal and often buys secondhand gifts. This doesn’t bother me, especially for DD who is 6 months as she doesn’t get lots of use out of clothes etc.

When she was born MIL brought us 2 secondhand bouncers, a rocking horse and some other toys. I’d already bought a bouncer which matched our living room (superficial I know!) and MIL knew this, so I said I’d leave one bouncer at my DMs and MIL could have the other at her house. I feel awful but the rocking horse was filthy, it smelled like smoke and despite all my efforts to clean it it was just filthy so I ended up taking it to the tip 😳

Anyway, yesterday MIL came to give Dd her Xmas gifts. She got her another secondhand bouncer but this one has a broken strap and again stinks of smoke, a baby bath which DD won’t fit in, another jumperoo (she has one), a walker (I probably sound ungrateful but I said I didn’t want one as we have limited space and she already has the jumperoo), and a cot mobile which the speaker is muffled and broke. She said she’d bought it all for £25 off a friend. I sound awful saying this but I would’ve rather she gave DD the money for her bank, I’ve now got all this stuff and no where to put it and I won’t get any use out of some of it. DP doesn’t want to hurt her feelings and said we should keep hold of the stuff and put it in the loft or try fix/clean it.

I just haven’t got the space! MIL knows what DD has and what she needs, and I’d rather donate some things and get rid of others. I know she’d be offended if she found out or came round and DD wasn’t using the presents as previously she bought us a pair of curtains from a charity shop that was frayed and didn’t match our living room and she got into a huff with DP when he said he’d passed them on Xmas Shock

OP posts:
Furiousatlife25 · 24/12/2018 11:53

I’m confused no don’t donate them to charity if they are broke / stink of smoke no baby should be in a bouncer that stinks of smoke ??

Katinkka · 24/12/2018 11:58

Take to the tip.

ChodeofChodeHall · 24/12/2018 12:00

YABU to give broken things to charity! They're not that desperate.

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/12/2018 12:01

Chuck them out.

Sandbox · 24/12/2018 12:02

You’d be better off taking them tip and getting dh to have a strong word

flirtygirl · 24/12/2018 12:03

Take the dirty items to the tip. Donate the okay items that you won't use. And you or dp need to man up/woman up and tell your mil. (She is wasting both her time and money. Don't tell her this obs)

MardyMavis · 24/12/2018 12:03

Burn them.

KiteMarked · 24/12/2018 12:06

You must nip this in the bud now, OP. Set up a bank account and ask her to donate there instead of buying items that are taking up too much space.

Take it from me - we now have a king size mattress and bedframe that was passed on from my DM and nowhere to put it. Friggin' albatross, that is. Learn from my mistakes!

LagunaBubbles · 24/12/2018 12:06

Actually I get you don't want to offend her but your DH needs to say something or this will continue. I have always used second hand stuff but stinking of smoke... no thanks!

Changednamer · 24/12/2018 12:09

Sorry I meant I’d take the jumperoo and other things that are clean but we don’t need to charity. I wouldn’t donate the smoky / broken items.

She did try to get a secondhand sofa delivered when she knew I’d ordered one myself, no idea why !

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 24/12/2018 12:10

Take to the tip and have a firm yet kind word with her to please double check before buying anything as whilst it’s very kind you simply do not need these items. I’d also mention putting money aside if she wants to buy for your dd but then I’m quite cheeky!

Then next time (there will be more next times) you immediately looks regretful and say, ‘oh dear, this is a shame but we already have a high chair/ Wendy house so we can’t accept it. Please do check before you buy, as I said before we really appreciate the thought but just don’t have space.’

user1andonly · 24/12/2018 12:40

Yes, take it to the tip/donate as appropriate and get dh to have a word in the new year.

I have nothing against second hand if it's in good condition and something you actually need but she's bringing a load of random old junk and needs to stop!

Eliza9917 · 24/12/2018 14:32

Does she fill her own house with old shit or just yours op?

Changednamer · 24/12/2018 16:24

Frugal was maybe the wrong word to use, she buys anything that’s cheap or a bargain and save it for Xmas birthdays etc which I suppose is good but then people end up with the most random things. And often in bad condition 😫

OP posts:
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