To ask how single mums cope?

[Lalallals248]

I’m a mum of 2 boys aged 1 and 3 and my husband has just walked out. He’s left us with nothing in the house food wise. I don’t drive and although I’ve managed to sort tonight with help from friends and family, I’m really worried about how I’m going to cope long term. It’s so overwhelming. Please tell me how you amazing ladies cope on your own :(.

Not a problem with benefits if you haven't been working, just put a claim in ASAP

I have been raising my child singlehandedly for 10 years, the early years are difficult but I would say there are a Couple of things that are particularly important:

• keep good routines at home (you all will feel better if there is some structure to get you from one week to another, simple things like washing is done on x day, shopping on z day and all kids go to bed at the same time every day.

• Get some good rest, your sleep is as important as those of your children. If you are tired you end up loosing it.

• Don’t see yourself as a victim (if you do, even if you are, you will feel 10 times worse than if you don’t) so join the survivor wagon because you are about to surprise yourself with your own strength.

Just a thought re the mortgage...

In my experience as an advisor you would need to be able to substantiate the mortgage on your own if you wanted to take it over which is impossible without an income so leave that side of things alone until next year. Regarding benefits, get to your local Benefits office as soon as you can after Christmas or even ring them tomorrow to register you status and/or make the appointment. Start looking for reliable childcare and babysitters as well as brushing up your CV just in case - and this will ALL help keep you busy when the shit times hit you. I’m awake worrying about being skint and dreading christmas in every way but my little blonde 5 year old sweetheart is snuggled up fast asleep upstairs and all mine. His Dad let him down today (although he doesn’t even know it because I never rely on Dickhead for visits) but he hasn’t even noticed or asked for him in the excitement of Christmas 😂 I will never put in another christmas like this and you need to find that steel OP, and as a PP said join the survivor wagon. Hugs xx

My handy tip is a lot of milk delivery companies deliver basics - nappies, yoghurts, bread, loo roll etc - if you order by 9pm the night before, it’s at your door at 7am. Very handy when you can’t leave home and are out of something. Other than that, it’s do-able. Recognise that you can cut corners some times. Lots of very successful people have been brought up by single parents. It is lonely at times. But there is complete freedom to do what you like!

Find a home hairdresser via Facebook, sign up to universal credit online today (if you are in a UC area), look around for surestart or other childcare support. Finding a family friendly employer can help if you need a job. There are nights where I have a lazy movie night or call Uber eats for a McDonald’s to be delivered. I keep a well stocked medicine cabinet and keep back up food in the freezer or cupboards. Other people will be more organised than me though!!

Early years were harder but I agree that once I start pitying myself, things would go downhill. Ive found it is important to try and fence off some time/headspace/care for me, get some exercise, eat healthy food (largely by failing to do this myself!)

OP, you can claim If you are not working, but you are always better off working than not. 16 hrs a day gives you access to tax credits that is far more support than signifying in for lone parent benefit. Besides, lone parent benefit doesn’t last forever, so it is better to start looking for a job as you will be requested to do so as soon as your youngest reaches school age.

Sorry, 16 hours a WEEK, not day.

I’m on my own with my ds after his dad died last year. My ds is great,no bother at all. But it’s hard sometimes being the only parent in charge, no one else to ask for help or advice. Wondering if you are doing the right thing.

Benefits have changed and as a new claimant you will need to claim universal credit, this covers an amount for yourself and both children. There is no help with housing costs for a home owner. You have to make your claim online and then arrange an appointment to attend your local job centre to produce ID and establish your work commitment.

You claim universal credit as a single parent of a child under 3, however you will be expected to attend interviews at the job centre with a view to preparing for, if not actually finding work. Universal Credit will also contribute towards child care costs. You can also apply for a free nursery place depending on when your youngest is 2.

Check online for council tax reductions as every LA has their own discount scheme depending on income. New claimants can’t claim Tax Credits the Universal Credit has replaced them whether working or not.

Maintenance paid for children is ignored as income.