Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be pissed off with exdp?

14 replies

Hairbrushesatdawn · 23/12/2018 20:16

I'm so angry right now I could burst, ex asked 3 months ago what ds wanted for Christmas. I informed him and he told me it's not a problem and he would get it.
2 weeks ago I messaged and asked him if he'd got it and was still able to get it, if not to let me know and i would buy it if he couldn't, he replied it was still no problem and he would get it.

It's ds main present and he will only be getting the accessories and a few things that go with it, which I've bought thinking he's buying the main part.
He's just informed me he hasn't bought it and decided to get him something completely different, which he already has from a few Christmas's ago.

I don't know what else to do, i know some children get nothing and it may seem like a firat world problem, but my ds will now only get a few board games and some colouring books to open as I now cannot afford to buy him what he's asked for until I get paid again in January.

I've asked him for the recipet so that I can take it back and put some money towards it, but he's now gone nc refusing to answer my calls or messages.

I knew I should have got it myself and not trusted him, he's ruined every Christmas in some way or another for us for the last 8 years.

OP posts:

Iris27 · 23/12/2018 21:08

That's infuriating. Have you told the ex that you've bought the accessories for the main present?

Sorry OP. Your ex is a nob. Why aren't they responding?! Will they be there for the present opening?

MyKingdomForBrie · 23/12/2018 21:12

Wow that's so mean it almost seems deliberate. At least you'll never make that mistake again. I would tell your son that he will be getting his present but in a few weeks and focus on the fun of the things he does have?

Tell your idiot ex that the duplicate present he's bought will be going back.

ivykaty44 · 23/12/2018 21:19

You need to stop interacting with this dick, then he can’t fuck things up.

I am sorry for your lad - it’s a shit thing for his dad to do.

One year my ex took dd out shopping on Xmas Eve to get all the things she’d like for Xmas.... great as I’d purchased some of those things and by Xmas Eve there wrapped up under the tree!

dd was so upset as she didn’t know what was under the tree already and didn’t want me to tell her

Somehow I managed to salvage that by going internet shopping for things she didn’t know she’d like and then she got them in the shops

Sometimes people are so stupid, they don’t stop and think

pallisers · 23/12/2018 21:22

give your ds the accessories with a note saying "main bit arrives in January - santa apologises for the delay" (if he does Santa). If you can, make sure the present from ex is clearly from him (not santa) and say "oh daddy must have forgotten you have this - very odd. Don't worry we can return it and get something else).

You'll have to stop expecting anything from your ex. Some people can cooperate after a split because they want their children to be ok He is a stupid fucker so you can't rely on him at all. My commiserations. At least you are not with him anymore.

BottleOfJameson · 23/12/2018 21:24

Wow what a dick, is there no chance of you getting it tomorrow? Ultimately it won't spoil DS's christmas, you'll have a lovely time and he wont remember not getting it but your ex really pulled a dick move YADNBU to be fuming.

Original poster

Hairbrushesatdawn · 23/12/2018 22:23

No he's not going to be here on Christmas morning, because of the way he's behaved in the past.
I used to put all of that aside and allow him to come round to watch ds open his presents, this year will be our first without him.

He does still do Santa, but knows he doesn't bring electronics. There's no way I'm able to get it tomorrow I just don't have the cash, I've explained that to ds and he seems pretty ok with the fact he won't get until next month.

I just think I'm more angry with myself than I am with him, i kind of expected it and yes he has probably done it to spite me but it's only hurting ds and stressing me out.

We will still have a lovely day and he will love the things he has got.

OP posts:

pallisers · 23/12/2018 22:26

live and learn, OP. Don't be mad at yourself. You'll know better in the future. your ex is a complete dick. Tempting as it is to tell him what he did to his son, I wouldn''t give him the satisfaction of telling him this screwed you over - that is what he wants. Just say "oh don't worry - whatever you give is fine I'm sure" Be indifferent to him.

Guiltypleasures001 · 23/12/2018 22:35

My ex did this to me, he said he would get our son a wii and at the last moment said he couldn't get one as out of stock. Ide been reminding him for weeks, my now dh spent double the money and got one for him. Ex still only gave me a few quid towards it, dh says ds is his, ds hasn't seen ex for just over 3 yrs.

Never trusted him with anything ever again, still owes me thousands

Original poster

Hairbrushesatdawn · 23/12/2018 23:22

@Guiltypleasures001 that's exactly what he said, they were out of stock.
So I had a quick Google found one in Argos and reserved it for him to collect, I sent him all the details and he just refused to reply to any messages.

OP posts:

Guiltypleasures001 · 24/12/2018 01:49

What a couple of dicks, all this was 12 years ago, ds now 20, thinks his dads a wanker
Can't be arsed with him now, nothing to do with me, ex showed what a violent thug he was all on his own .

Graphista · 24/12/2018 02:58

Sorry but you've made the mistake of thinking you're still in some kind of team with your ex - you're not.

Sorry you've learned the hard way.

I learned a similar lesson 2nd Christmas after I split from mine. It's shit indeed!

Do what you can this year, kids are pretty good at understanding if old enough and told honestly. Is there a possibility you can get it in Jan sales? Or Feb? So a kinda iou for ds?

And of course in future let your ex sort himself out and you get ds what you know he wants (if you can afford) and don't rely on ex to help at all.

Original poster

Hairbrushesatdawn · 24/12/2018 13:11

@Graphista, yes I know I've made a huge mistake, it kind of a last chance to redeem himself situation.
I shouldn't have trusted him I know better than that, but such as life.

I will definitely be able to get it for him in January, so that's not a problem at all.

OP posts:

Fanjita1 · 24/12/2018 13:32

Is it still OOS? Buy now pay january if not and collect today?

Graphista · 24/12/2018 15:53

That's good you can get it in January.

And ex has well and truly burnt his bridges!

Infuriating isn't it?

My dd has recently been back in contact with her dad and I think kinda got her hopes up for Christmas but not so much as a card! I wish I could protect her from the hurt of that disappointment but I can't.

I wish we could make these men be decent dads but unfortunately we can't.

All we can do is do our best for our DC and hope that gives them a security they don't get from them.

Flip