To try for a baby when I've got a new job?

[namechange5628]

Name changed for this.

I started a new (part-time) job 2 weeks ago. I really wanted to TTC early next year but I'm worried that they could dismiss me. Would I qualify for Mat leave?

Has anyone been in this situation before? Is it worth holding out an extra few months before trying?

I would definitely hold off a couple of months at least until you're off probation.

You’re manager knows the risks of hiring a woman of a certain age

😲 Are you kidding me? You know that If a manager didn’t hire a ‘woman of a certain age’ because they didn’t like the risks they would get absoloutley slaughtered for discrimination.

But we are, as you say, to openly acknowledge that by having been hired it absolves the OP of responsibility 🤔

It’s posts like this that make me want to tear my hair out over the sheer hypocrisy of ‘feminism’!

OP- YABVU to get pregnant weeks into a new job - it’s irresponsible and unfair! Just get past your 3/6 month probation and then do it!

I think you know that’s the reasonable answer but just don’t want to wait

As you have had a baby the likelihood of fertility issues are reduced. I agree with the poster let them fall in love with you . Not because of legal rights but simply I think it will make pregnancy less stressful. Especially with perfect hours.

Also look at if the company offer child care vouchers as you may essentially better off to opt in to that. It sounds like you aren't reliant on just your income but are considering the long game here. I would give it the 6mth mark to settle in the job and see if it's for you. Then consider ttc after 12-18mth when you're established, it may take months anyway. You may even find you don't want to ttc soon as it's a good fit at work. It's been 2wks, get the new year dusted and take it from there. ☺

Would your husband have to wait?

Would anyone make these suggestions to a bloke?

FFS she’s talking about bringing a baby into the world not slipping out for a fag before her break.

Do you want the truthful answer, or platitudes?

Of course you would be unreasonable trying for a baby so soon after starting a new job. You know what your employer would think. Why are you asking MN? Are you hoping for an answer more to your liking? Your womb, your rulez hun?

I don’t have children of my own. I’m a stepmum. I’m a few months into a maternity cover contract in a big business. The woman I’m covering for announced her second pregnancy two months after being recruited. How popular do you think she is with the business? Go on, guess.

It’s a senior role. I’m covering it on a very expensive day rate. Her name is mud, I’m afraid. Her line manager (and mine), one of the board directors, “feels like [he has been] played”. Will she come back to the same plum role and a rapturous welcome back, with her line manager falling over himself to accommodate flexible working requests? What do you think?

It would have been very different, I think, if she’d waited a year.

Incidentally, I’m sure that this sort of behaviour mitigates against women of childbearing age when they are up against men for roles.

@AppleKatie

🤔 would a male take a year off? needing his role filled after literally just being hired? Causing both cost and short term workload detriment to the company?

(I mean sure some men might take extended leave but I’m guessing it’s less than 5% take more than a couple of months max)

There seems to be a bit of confusion regarding the role of private sector companies in ‘supporting’ staff. They’re not the government, they don’t ‘owe’ you anything other than safe and respectful working conditions 🤔 but their number 1 priority is (and always will be) making a profit - else everyone would be out of a job!

How any ‘self respecting’ woman can think rocking up pregnant a few weeks In is acceptable one the one hand whilst claiming ‘I should be hired just the same as any man, equality!’ Baffles me!

🤔 Do you also believe you should get your car insurance (despite having 4 recent accidents) at the same price as your neighbour who has 15 years ncb?
NO because like everything in life companies weigh up cost vs risk! But we don’t want them to do that when it comes to us working do we? No we want them to hire us anyway despite knowing we’ll likely sod off for several years having multiple children, whilst our male counterparts don’t!

We want ALL of our cake to eat whenever we like .... and (cherry on the top) when commenters say things like your boss knew the risks of hiring a woman of a certain age NOBODY CALLS IT OUT!

Because that’s what modern feminism is ladies and gentleman- how can we take the least amount of responsibility possible whilst being right and doing exactly what we like!!!

FML- makes me despair at my fellow women 😒

@AppleKatie Well obviously her husband wouldn't have to wait as he'd not be pregnant and at most he'd be taking 2wks leave or splitting the maternity allowance with his partner.

I got pregnant 2 weeks after starting my job, I qualified for SMP. We'd been trying for 4 years...you don't know how long it will take to conceive until you start trying.

Which is why we already started trying again while I'm still on mat leave.

Are you on a permanent contract? I’ve just taken a 12 month contract and am thinking about when to try for our second child. I am planning to start trying 3 months in which means I’d be due at the end of my contract. I feel this fulfils my deal with them, if they choose to extend that’s great (this is an option) I’d hope if I perform well could be the way forward. Plus no guarantees of when it will actually happen...

There's two kinds of maternity pay - statutory and company. You will qualify for the former but enhanced company maternity pay if your company offers it may have more restrictions eg longer service and a requirement to return for a set number of weeks. If your company has policies online or in a handbook (so you can check without going through he) it's worth seeing what the offer.

However, firstly you may conceive on month 1 or much longer so exact planning is hard, secondly your age is a factor in whether straight away is sensible, but thirdly, whatever the law says, it doesn't look good to get pregnant within a year or so. Really it comes down to what is right for your family, there's always other jobs

Oh come on! Bottom line it's pretty crap for an employer to hire someone that actively looks to get pregnant 3mth in. Yes, that's obviously their choice but it's still alienating them to both their team and their boss. Surely it's far better to establish themselves as a team player that everyone wants to return to work vs well we don't even recall her and sue will be a miss.

I am starting my maternity leave 1 year into my job. Difference for me is that I am a surrogate so I will be back much earlier than most, and I have more than proven myself in my role. I also used to work for the same company around a decade ago so I felt fairly confident in the culture and how it would be. Having said that I am the first surrogate they have ever had in a 30 year history so treating me well is showing a great example!

@peach regardless of the outcome of this thread congrats to you and many well wishes to the baby x

Have them fall in love with you first. If you take mat leave too soon they might fall in love with your temporary replacement instead (they will have seen more of them than of you).

Flying thank you! He is driving me mad as he moved significantly on Tuesday to a very uncomfortable position and he is also 91% for growth!
My work have been fab, I was still on probation when I told my boss but as I said I am confident in the culture and even the CEO has come and chatted with me regarding my experience which was lovely and very unexpected.
The Dads are very excited, not too long to go now (thankfully)

@blueshoes then they better not hire any women younger than 55 just to be certain.

You do know how stupid your comment is?

Reading some of these answers I'm so glad I work in the public sector

I fell pregnant before I even started a job I was offered (unplanned), I was going through recruitment checks when I found out. I had no obligation to tell them but did anyway out of courtesy and still took the job. My name wasn't mud. My manager was a bit shocked but as the position had been empty for months he was just happy to finally have someone in it. I helped recruit and train my maternity cover and then returned to the same position after leave was over. I wasn't entitled to maternity pay but did get maternity allowance.

If there’s no rush I’d wait 6 months. Become a real part of the team first.

My experience of employees who go on leave months after being hired is that what people remember is how easy they were to replace. Unless you do something very specialised or are extraordinarily good at your job, it won’t be hard to slot someone else in, and that’s not something you ever want to highlight. If you’re there for over a year first, people will have at least gotten used to you and the way you do things, so it’ll make much more of an impact when you leave.

And yes, I’d say the same to any man who was planning on taking months of paternity leave.

Well this thread got depressingly patriarchal when I went to bed. I really don’t think it’s worth individual answers so I won’t bother.
OP the bottom line is - is a baby right for your family? Can you afford it?

Please don’t allow strangers on the internets perception of what your boss may or may not feel to affect you.

It happened to my friend and she's been fine. Pregnant before the end of her probation and I think she's had 6 months full pay for her mat leave! Most employers are good about it.

My experience of employees who go on leave months after being hired is that what people remember is how easy they were to replace.

That's funny because six months after I returned from maternity leave (after being pregnant when I started the job!), I was promoted. I was given the job on the merits of what I had done while I was in work, not when I was off.

Your attitude, and many others on this thread, is the reason why, in 2018, true equality is STILL not apparent in the workplace. While employers are not allowed to actively discriminate, they clearly still do in some places. This is sad.

Our director's PA got pregnant within about 3 months of starting her job. Guess what no one turned a hair...... other than her being slightly and worried people would judge. One issue for her though was that she didn't get occupational mat pay.

All this 'women do themselves no favours'-type guff and 'men don't take a year off' well men don't actually have to give birth to and breastfeed their offspring. Having a baby is a more significant undertaking for a woman than a man. But yeah, seems reasonable to judge and discriminate . I'm really really glad I work where I do when I read shit like is on this thread.

Given it's a good permanent job I'd give it a year, perhaps start trying in about 9 months. There really is no rush.
Look at your long term stability. Show them your worth at work, let them know what a good employee you are before getting morning sickness and feeling shit. Because before we are pregnant we imagine doing our usual chores etc normally with a bump. The reality is we feel much different and usually find everything harder.
This will also give you an opportunity to save money.