I'll try not to ramble. I'm in my 50s with a completely disastrous dating history and marriage behind me. Never dated anyone remotely right for me and pretty much always binned. Then 8 months ago started seeing someone & we just clicked. Never ever a cross word, every date lovely, compatible emotionally, intellectually, physically. Both said how lucky we were / couldn't believe we'd found each other. He's had a different story to me,but very hard few years. Then last w/e, lovely dinner at mine with friends, Sun am phone on side table, a "like" from bumble. Then I put username into Google & 3 or 4 more sites came up. We met online. We spoke about it straight away, he was desolate that he had hurt me; it was 'life admin' in recent months. At the beginning he had looked sometimes, but hasn't exchanged messages with anyone. Partly habit, partly wondering if I could really be the one. Then recently he realised he loved me and this could be forever - as I feel. He's clever and quiet and stable, he means what he says. But I've had a horrendous week - can't eat or sleep, cried for 1st time over him. I think we could be happy together forever/ could have been. But I don't know how to get past the start not being the start I thought it was. People get over affairs in marriages, why is this so hard. He's deleted the accounts now without asking. Invited me to stuff over Christmas & NY with family & oldest friends. I guess I'm not seen as temporary. I love him very much; first time I've ever loved anyone who's loved me. Feels like yet another Christmas ruined feeling stressed and upset over some man. Any perspective????