AIBU about big issue seller..

[covetingthepreciousthings]

I'm genuinely not sure if I am being a bit unreasonable in this situation but would appreciate others input into it..

We have a local (newish) big issue seller in our town outside a coffee shop, a foreign lady (relevant due to limited broken English language).

It's a cold wet miserable day, so I offered to get her a hot drink as I was popping in (had no change on me at this point), she said no she'd prefer it if I bought something from Tesco down the road "as I have 7 children".
I didn't know what kind of thing she meant so asked if I could buy some chocolates (thinking for Christmas but perhaps they don't celebrate it) or I suggested I nip into the bakery next to the cafe and get something.
To which she said no, she wants me to go to Tesco to buy some chicken for her 7 children.

At this point I said I'm going to go into the cafe to get some change, proceeded to do so. Then came out and handed her £4-5 to tell her to buy what she liked. However she took the money and then said "ok so you go to Tesco now for my 7 children?" So I just politely explained that I was giving her some money so she could get something with it instead.

I had a feeling that whatever I got from Tesco might not be right or I'd end up with a list. I also didn't feel comfortable buying raw chicken for someone who is going to be stood outside for the rest of the day etc.

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit uneasy about this scenario? I just wanted to do a bit of a good deed & I then I've ended up feeling like she might not be genuine.
When I gave her the £4-5 I felt uncomfortable asking for a big issue for the money, but I don't know whether it would have been better if I had so she would have one less?

You can get in touch with the local big issue and tell them you're concerned, all there genuine sellers are monitored. You tried to do the right thing, I'd just buy a b.i. in the future.

Odd scenario. FWIW, the Big Issue organisation recommend that you do take the magazine (the vendors’ tabards say as much).

I wouldn't worry. You have her money to buy something she needs/wants

I don't understand why some people are such mugs with this sort of thing. Next time if you offer to buy her a hot drink and she says NO can you go to Tesco and buy stuff for my 7 kids you just say okey dokey bye bye and move on. I'd be very surprised if she was a genuine seller - we have a lot if fakes round here unfortunately usually with about 5 copies of the big issue and that's it with a lot of sob stories that aren't true either. (Spoke to the leader of the council about this so know it's a fact)

Sounds like a misunderstanding due to the language difference. You did the right thing in giving her money to get what she needs, and she was doing the right thing too in prioritising her children over a coffee.

She saw you coming OP.

Spoke to the leader of the council about this so know it's a fact

I'm not doubting your account, but I wouldn't often trust council leaders as a bastion of truth. Ours is a slimy scumbag with little grasp of honesty.

The official vendors have ID & red tabards. I think I’d be more suspicious if someone was aggressively pursuing cash rather than goods (especially food). As she wasn’t, I suspect it was an awkward language barrier moment that got out of hand. If you are genuinely concerned that she is struggling to feed her family then you could contact your local council’s homelessness outreach team and discuss/flag it up with them. She may not be ‘homeless’ (sleeping on the streets) but she may well be vulnerably housed (hostel, sofa surfing, temporary housing) and so would probably come under their remit or they’d at least be able to offer you some advice.

With 7 lots of CB she can buy her own chicken.
Bollocks did she have 7 children.

Support charities, OP.

It’s very likely the local Tesco doesn’t let her go in. The supermarkets near the major London stations heard out Big Issue sellers immediately which is really unfair. So it’s very likely she just wanted you to go in and buy the chicken for her family.

With 7 children she will probably be getting shitloads of tax credits and child benefit, if she really does have 7 children that is.

I once had a local big issue seller who was pregnant at the same time as me. When the babies were born, she asked me once if I could get her some nappies, which I did because I felt bad for her. The next time I saw her she asked for formula. It got to the point where she would call to me from the other side of the high street when she saw me coming. I did contact the Big Issue in the end and she was moved from the pitch. Now I am careful to just buy the magazine and never offer anything else.

If you hadn't been such a do gooder then you wouldn't have got yourself into this quandry.

I hate it when people use do-gooder as an insult. There is nothing wrong with wanting to help others less fortunate than yourself.

I don’t see the issue? She’s homeless - she likely doesn’t want a £4 coffee from Starbucks when she’s struggling to afford basics. You gave her some money to get some food and there was a language barrier so she didn’t know what was going on. You told her you gave her the money to get some things for herself but then expected a magazine? I’m not surprised someone whose first language isn’t English didn’t understand - you didn’t exactly make yourself clear.

Well no good deed goes unpunished

Of course, nothing worse than a "Do-gooder" especially at Christmas.

I don’t see the issue? She’s homeless - she likely doesn’t want a £4 coffee from Starbucks when she’s struggling to afford basics. You gave her some money to get some food and there was a language barrier so she didn’t know what was going on. You told her you gave her the money to get some things for herself but then expected a magazine? I’m not surprised someone whose first language isn’t English didn’t understand - you didn’t exactly make yourself clear.

The coffee I completely understand that she might not have wanted.
But I think it was more the fact that after I gave her the money she then also wanted me to go to Tesco for her as-well to buy chicken. She seemed quite insistent that I should go to Tesco for her despite me already giving her the money to go herself.

I dont support the big issue anymore after being told by one big issue lady when i was sofa surfer that she rented a flat and selling the big issue was her job now as it paid well.

formerbabe "If you hadn't been such a do gooder then you wouldn't have got yourself into this quandry."
What a nasty attitude to have. I hope you never find yourself in need of help, and thank goodness for caring people like the OP.

She got the wrong end of the stick and thought you were going to buy something for her and give her money that’s all. Probably more in hope than expectation. If you wanted to buy a magazine why didn’t you ask for one rather than telling her the money was for her to buy some things?

Op Google around this issue.

Inform yourself rather than asking random Mumsnet users. Who will tell you you are a mug or a saint.

Formerbabe..that wasn't very nice!
OP,ignore the spiteful comments,you were being thoughtful and she took advantage.
Not your fault.
for you .

The woman was selling the big issue...not begging. The op said it was a cold and miserable day. Does she go round offering to buy hot drinks for everyone who works outside...ie market traders? Street cleaners etc

Does it matter who op wants to buy for? It's not being a do gooder, it's about helping other people.