To feel left out during maternity leave

[Itssosunnyout]

Aibu to feel left out and disappointed when on maternity leave from work friends.

I've always made an effort with my work friends especially if they are off work but when I see them tagging each other on FB on how much they have a great team/friends they are or they meet up without inviting me I can't help but feel sad and left out.

Unless I text first I don't get any contact and only 2 members of my team have met me and baby (one is on maternity herself and they also do this to her). These 2 are long term work friends (8 years) others are 3 years plus.

I know its not a maternity thing as they made a huge effort with my other maternity colleagues.

Two people in my team didn't even congratulate me when I had DC and they are aware DC is a rainbow baby. One of these two made a lot of effort with other pregnant colleagues by contributing/buying /making a gift but didn't do or say anything to me for DC. I understand no-one needs to but its upsetting when you see the effort that is made for others and for me and DC there is no thought.

I just feel let down and cut away from people who i thought were my friends.

Yanbu sorry you had to find out what they are really like. Now you know who is a friend and who isn't.

I had a similar experience with the department I worked in for ten years. I had a congratulations text from my manager and one other colleague but nothing from any of my other colleagues and friends at work. One colleague visited me but other than that, nothing.

The first few months were a haze of sleeplessness when I suddenly realised no one had asked when I was going to come into the office with DC (they usually chase new mums and are desperate to see the baby). I sent an email with a baby photo and short message to my manager and did not get a response, so I presumed she hadn’t forwarded it to the department as well (commonly happens and people respond to the new mum).

I decided to resign after my maternity leave was up and when I think back I can only presume it was either a case of out of sight, out of mind, or I simply wasn’t liked like I thought I was.

I think I find it difficult when I compare the fuss they made with 2 other maternity mums.

The rational side of me thinks like pp said out of site, out of mind. However the emotional side thinks 'i thought you were my friends and you liked me'.

Do your colleagues know your personal phone number or email address? If they have only ever contacted you at work in the past through official channels they might not know how to get in touch with you now.

A lady i worked closely with went on maternity leave at the end of November. I had her personal number only by chance but it took a lot of thinking on my part before I contacted her the other week. I just felt that the last thing she would want whilst on a break from work would be to hear from someone at work!

I know that doesn't explain how it seems they've treated other women in your office but just a different viewpoint

I think you need to see if as ‘out of sight, out of mind’. I’ve had very close relationships with colleagues over the years while working together but rarely have they lasted a job move or mat leave.