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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel angry over partner not helping doing night feeds

21 replies

110818baby · 23/12/2018 00:06

I had a moment of "I'm kicking his ass out tomorrow😤😡" our baby woke up for the third time tonight, he heard her but didn't go to her. Instead he woke me up by shifting and rolling over hard 😡
I'm screaming internally. I'm BtotallyU aren't I?

OP posts:
Lovethetimeyouhave · 23/12/2018 00:08

Are you breast feeding?

Original poster
110818baby · 23/12/2018 00:11

No, bottle feeding formula

OP posts:
MaybeMaybeNotJ · 23/12/2018 00:11

Depends if he works and if you’re BF and what tomorrow’s plans are really?

Original poster
110818baby · 23/12/2018 00:22

Sorry formula feeding, he has been off work since Wednesday. No plans tomorrow, Maybe a mooch about tesco but nothing strenuous.
I'm just really annoyed, I've been up twice as it is! And no doubt will be a couple more times. And as it is I cannot get back to sleep!!

OP posts:
riotlady · 23/12/2018 00:24

Yanbu, have you spoken to him about it?

zzzzz · 23/12/2018 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
110818baby · 23/12/2018 00:26

No he is fast asleep! This is the first night I've noticed he was awake!
Usually if I hear the baby he is snoring and in quite a deep sleep, but even when I got up he was thrashing his head about, adjusting the covers so was quite clear he was awake, Maybe not fully but enough he'd have heard her

OP posts:
SilverBirchTree · 23/12/2018 00:27

I'd be furious. What's his excuse? Lazy selfish arse.

Sleep is a thing you need to survive. Like food or water. It is not ok for him to deprive you of something you need to be physically well.

I'd be having a serious talk with him this morning. If he can't be relied upon to know what is fair, divide up the nights or portions of the night to ensure that you are both getting adequate sleep.

posthistoricmonsters · 23/12/2018 00:28

Is he possibly struggling with the demands of a new baby?

Sounds like he needs to be sat down and talked with over this.

tablelegs · 23/12/2018 00:31

Kick him in the shins until he gets up.

PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 23/12/2018 00:35

Have you actually spoken to him about why he's leaving it to you?

DH is a heavy sleeper and would often not wake if DD woke up, but I sure as shit woke him and he'd settle or feed her without complaint.

MrsGg8 · 23/12/2018 00:37

Does he ever help do the night feeds or is it just tonight or a recent thing?

ecuse · 23/12/2018 00:43

If you're bottle feeding then no, YANBU, he is a twat.

ecuse · 23/12/2018 00:45

Just give him a kick and say "your turn!" every other time.

Or tomorrow morning, "OK, since I did all 3 night feeds last night, can I assume you're on duty tonight?"

Original poster
110818baby · 23/12/2018 02:28

That's her back awake and he isn't nudging, I asked him to get up, I shoved him and nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
110818baby · 23/12/2018 02:28

He won't wake for her, claims he doesn't here her

OP posts:
PickledChutney · 23/12/2018 02:33

He’s an asshole.

I have a 10 week old DS and my DP and I take it in turns to do each of the feeds when he’s home from work. On the weekend he willl even do 1 full night so I don’t have to get up in the night at all. If I hear our DS first and DP is still asleep, I wake him up and tell him the baby needs feeding and he gets up and does it straight away. Not hearing the baby isn’t an excuse. Wake him up!! You definitely need to have a good talk with him OP. It took 2 to make your LO and the 2 of you should both be sharing the responsibilities.

Original poster
110818baby · 23/12/2018 03:18

Oooh he woke up and has taken her down stairs so I can sleep!!

OP posts:
MrsStrowman · 23/12/2018 04:33

DH doesn't always hear DS unless he actually cries, but if I judge him or ask him to see to him he jumps immediately. I'm BF but when he hears me get up he will get up and do a nappy change, while I go to the loo/get myself sorted, then he'll bring DS to me and ask if I need anything, he makes me tea and brings me biscuits if I so desire... Last night I told him not to get up, that I was fine, he tred but I reiterated not to get up. Instead he took DS all morning from about seven to I've this afternoon, only bringing him back to me for feeding every two to three hours with drinks and snacks for me, so I got a lot of catch up sleep yesterday.

ecuse · 23/12/2018 08:35

Well done!

It's annoying but plausible he doesn't wake up. It might change when/if he gets more involved.

When my little ones were babies and I was breastfeeding he wouldn't wake at all, just snore away, it made me furious.

Now they're 7 and 4 and obviously don't wake as often but I've since gone back to work full time/long hours whilst he has given up work to be a full time stay at home dad.

Now he's their primary carer something has changed in his subconscious.... he wakes up at the slightest cry from either of them, and sometimes mentions he's been up, given a cuddle for a nightmare or something and I've been blissfully unaware till morning Blush!

Fireballfriends · 23/12/2018 08:39

Well done OP. Forget the nudge he'd be getting a full in kick from me. Several. Somewhere sensitive. Selfish prick. Maybe he's not selfish but just needs to do it a few times to understand your pain, babies are hard work and it takes 2 parents Flowers

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