AIBU to keep buying presents

[sab500s]

So going to try and keep this short and uncomplicated.

Around 2 years ago i fell out with my sibling
Obviously birthdays and special occasions have obviously gone by and my brother has two little girls who i was so close to and adore and i would still buy them presents for birthdays, xmas etc.
I was just speaking to my mom who told me not to give any presents to them (my nieces) as its akward..and went on to say well they never buy anything for your kids and its not about the presents. Its about getting on.

So i replied yes but its for the kids and she went on to say no just keep it.
AIBU to want to gift them on special occasions. I know its not about the presents but i have never forgotten there birthday etc so feel like it would be unnatural to stop and i do love them and miss them.? Dont know what to do. Do i give them there gift for xmas or not? Thank you x

I’d keep buying them presents. Your nieces are separate people - not an extension of your brother. There is no obligation either way though.

I understand why you still want to as I'd miss my DNs if we fell out with their parents but I suppose to your brother it may feel like you're making a point, a bit 'See? I'm a nicer person than you'. I'm not saying that's what you're doing but it could appear that way and if so it's hardly helping with any feelings of anger or resentment.

Presumably you're not involved in their lives anymore so gifts appearing at birthdays and Christmas probably result in awkward questions for their parents and are a reminder of the fact that you've fallen out. That's assuming the dc get your gifts, they may not.

No matter who's fault it was (and probably both think it's all down to the other) the fact is you're not part of their lives anymore. I think if I was NC with a sibling this might feel like s/he was inserting themselves into our special occasions, a bit 'presents to make your presence felt'. Again, I'm not saying that's your intention but if your mum is telling you it's awkward then you'd have to guess something has been said to her. I think if you're being asked not to but still do it anyway it becomes less about the dc and more about you. I'd leave it now.

You’ve been asked to stop so just stop.

Why don’t you try to make up and then you will also get to see the kids?

Your mother obviously knows more about it than you do, from their perspective. You need to stop. It’s not about you. It’s about them and they don’t want you to.

Sounds like your mum knows more about this than you do - do you know if the presents ever actually reach your nieces? Or does your brother not give them to his DDs?
So your mum might be trying to save you wasting your money if your brother just dumps the presents.

It's not uncommon for people who have gone NC to refuse presents/cards/letters/ anything from the person they have gone NC with - so it may be that this is the situation her as well.

In any case I think you should listen to your mum.

Is a message to your brother saying that you have presents for the children but understand if he would rather you didn’t send them be possible?
Is making up with him a possibility?

I feel for your mum being stuck in the middle of this. Can't you just be civil with each other for her sake?

ITS likely if the feud is that bad, the children might not even get the gifts. IN your shoes I’d stop as asked and instead of buying presents on birthdays and Christmas pop the money you would of spent in an envelope/account. When the children are old enough they may reach out themselves to contact you and have a relationship, then you could give them the money that over the years you would have spent on presents.