Bit of a lurker here but here goes.
I am 33. My brother is 36 and has learning disabilities and lives with my parents. Up until last Christmas, he was highly functional and polite, considerate etc. He could go out shopping alone and come home and was able to calculate his money etc. He was just very vulnerable and and easily led. He never received a proper diagnosis, despite our mum trying her best over the years.
Last Christmas, he had a mental breakdown. It transpired that he had gotten involved in an extreme atheist group online and although they started off friendly, they then started demanding money and threatening him and his family. As much as we tried to tell him that they were essentially keyboard warriors, he was worried nevertheless and completely shut down mentally.
He was hearing voices/animals and becoming violent. Nothing he said made any sense.
My mum took him to hospital on New Year’s Eve last year where he was later sectioned under the mental health act. They doped him up with diazepam and literally did nothing other than that. He was allowed home a few weeks later after they said he was fine. He most certainly wasn’t.
He kept trying to run away, police helicopters were out looking for him several times and he was violent again.
He ended up in a unit that looks after adults with SEN. He managed to run away from there the first night also. He was also violent there and trashed the place several times. He was very sexual towards the female staff and made very inappropriate comments.
Eventually, he was diagnosed with autism/aspergers and had suffered a psychotic break. It wasn’t until May this year that he was prescribed respiridone (anti-psychotic) along side his diazepam.
This has taken care of the voices and inappropriate behaviour. Obviously, the austism/aspergers isn’t going to go away so he requires behavioural therapy to help him and our mum understand it.
He was allowed to come home in September and has a carer that comes in every day who takes him to places and they do various activities etc.
The problem is, he is point blank refusing to do anything. He started smoking whilst he was in the unit beforehand and it has become a problem. He will smoke a cigarette and the second he puts it out, he is demanding another. His lips are black and burnt from smoking. My mum has limited him to 1 an hour or he will constantly smoke. She is waiting for the stop smoking service to help her at the moment, but we know he will point blank refuse anything other than cigarettes. She is not allowed to deprive him of them either or the higher ups accuse her of human right deprivation.
Now, during the hour he has to wait for a cigarette, he will constantly repeat “I want a fag” the whole time. It doesn’t stop. He keeps backing my mum into a corner and his language is becoming aggressive towards her. I’m very worried about her all the time.
He has admitted that he is doing this because he wants to deliberately upset my mum and wind her up.
I feel like she is living with a stranger as the person that has come home is not the brother I grew up with.
My mum also has medical problems herself (scoliosis, arthritis, lymphedema) and struggles with her mobility.
My dad has heart and lung disease and can’t do much to help either.
Me and my 8 year old son are supposed to go there on Christmas Day and stay there for a few days. Now as much as I want to be there for my mum, I can’t bare to see my brother deliberately being aggressive towards her and I also don’t want my son witnessing it either. My son saw the mental breakdown last Christmas and it affected him to the point he was crying when he went back to school.
I am being told I am being unreasonable to refuse, but am I?
If I saw my brother being violent towards my mum, I would obviously intervene and I don’t want my son to have to see that.
I’m so sorry for the length of this.....