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AIBU?

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It's my 30th today

19 replies

metronome1 · 22/12/2018 20:09

Hi all,

So today is my birthday and I have begun to realise that my oh can be so selfish.
We have two kids and we only get out about twice a year if that. We have no childcare help and often we are too bogged down with sleepless nights and working full time to bother.
It's my 30th and so I thought I'd make an effort to arrange something. It was also my friends birthday the other day so we arranged to go out with a few other friends last night. Unfortunately it was my dh works do last night and he had booked that first so he went there and I stayed in with the kids. My friends were busy with their families tonight so no way of switching days. That's fine. I asked oh if he minded coming home early so I could catch the back end of the night but he said no. Just to add his Xmas do starts at midday so plenty of hours to enjoy it and come home at a reasonable time for me to go out.
As a compromise he offered to take me out shopping and for a meal today. Thing is he never arranged anything or a got a sitter. So I did that myself.
Comes to today and he is massively hungover and tired from not getting in until the early hours. We ended up going shopping, rushing round for an hour. I did get some bits so I'm happy with that. Then coming home and eating somewhere local. All that is fine I'm not ungrateful. Except I would have liked to have longer to look round the shops and not be in and out. But dh was rushing to get back. I have never been shopping alone since having kids so wanted to make the most of it.
Then we went to pick up our children and the sitter offered me a drink. Oh asked if we could go home instead because he is tired and it's late (7pm). So I asked if he wanted to stop at the shop and grab a bottle of wine to have a nice evening together once we get the kids to bed, but he didn't want to and again he is too tired and getting an early night.
So all in all he's been too hungover to enjoy my birthday. I'm not usually that bothered about birthdays but it's my 30th and I'd have liked to do something different from our usual day to day with the kids.
Wibu to go get myself a bottle of wine and enjoy it on my own and sulk. I encourage oh to enjoy his Xmas do every year but it would have been nice if he came home earlier this year as a one off.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 22/12/2018 20:38

Firstly happy birthday Flowers Wine

Your dh is a selfish prick for not giving up his annual works night for your 30th, what an absolute twat!

You definitely deserve the wine, enjoy it! and remember to make zero effort for his birthday next time!

Ledkr · 22/12/2018 20:40

Start planning your 31st tomorrow. Something really nice to make up for this one preferable without him.
Happy birthday

melissasummerfield · 22/12/2018 20:47

So selfish OP Flowers

Do you find yourself making an effort for him on special occasions? If you do, stop. Hopefully he will notice and change his behaviour.

Kittykat89 · 22/12/2018 20:51

No doubt about it OP, he has been a dick. Get yourself the wine (if you can, make it champagne!) and drink it in the bath/in bed/in front of your fave film. Happy birthday!

Diorissimo1985 · 22/12/2018 20:53

Happy birthday OP Wine

RJnomore1 · 22/12/2018 20:54

What an absolute first class arsehole he is.

Why have you never been shopping without them since you had kids?

Does he do anything to make your life nicer?

Congratulations on your birthday. You have a lot of life ahead if you; spend it happily with people who bring you joy.

posthistoricmonsters · 22/12/2018 20:56

Happy Birthday! Sorry he couldn't put you first for your big three oh. What a dick.

AllYeFaithful · 22/12/2018 20:57

He sounds incredibly selfish and not very loving. I’m sorry he didn’t spoil you on your 30th. He’s an idiot.

3out · 22/12/2018 20:58

He’s a selfish git.
I didn’t do anything for my 30th (also birthday 22/12), but my DH asked what I wanted to do and he’d have bent over backwards to organise the day if I’d said I wanted to do something to celebrate. (Think I was pregnant at the time)

Alwaysgreener · 22/12/2018 21:00

OMG what a selfish prick! Can you rearrange with your friends to go on a big night out in the next couple of weeks? Nye without him?!!

metronome1 · 22/12/2018 21:08

It was crap last year too. Ended up looking after my poorly baby while he sat downstairs chatting with the in laws for hours and then I went to bed.
His last few birthdays we have gone on holiday as a family and I have brought gifts in my case and booked a nice day/evening.
It's not about the money and this is what he doesn't understand. He will chuck a few hundred pounds on a present and think he's gone above and beyond. I'd have been happiest with his time not hungover, sat at home with a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates.
Apparently I'm a nag for bringing this up.
Seriously considering entering 2019 single.

OP posts:
RLOU30 · 22/12/2018 21:14

I’m literally Shock at this, OP. You poor bloody thing!
Happy Birthday Flowers

Santaisonthesherry · 22/12/2018 21:17

My exh ruined my 40 th.

Was an ex before my 41 st.

Cranky17 · 22/12/2018 21:22

Sounds like my ex, selfish to the core. I’m so much happier without him.

RJnomore1 · 22/12/2018 21:25

Your last sentence sounds like a good new year resolution.

I know it's easy to say but there are people out there who will enjoy spending time with you and try to make you happy.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 22/12/2018 21:26

Even my wanker exes did better than this for my birthday.

If he can't make an effort on your birthday I assume that's the rest of the year written off?

RLOU30 · 23/12/2018 12:34

Hope you’re feeling okay today OP and treated yourself to that bottle of wine x

TeddybearBaby · 23/12/2018 12:50

He’s an arse!! Happy birthday for yesterday! My birthday is in December too. On my 30th my husband arranged for me to go out with my friends and family to a really lovely pub during the day with a fire (I love a log fire). I had a cake, presents, champagne. He’d booked a hair appointment and my friends came back with me to get ready for the party he’d organised (I knew about it but he tidied up, got the food / drinks prepared etc). I wouldn’t consider him that thoughtful, I’m sure my friends and family directed him a lot but to go out and basically ruin your day. That’s a whole new level of bad. I’d be really hurt and tell him so x

Hoopaloop · 23/12/2018 12:57

Happy birthday 🎂

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