to want him to come?

[MrsBuckettt]

Every Boxing Day, my grandmother invites the family to hers for a get together and a meal. I have not been for the last few years, as since moving in with my fiance I have preferred to just stay in and not drive for 90 minutes each way. He has also never been keen on going.

This year however, is different. My grandmother has been ill, she's in her 90s and I'm not sure how long she realistically has left. There's a suspicion this could be her last Christmas. With this in mind, I would like to go on Boxing Day and I would like my fiance to come with me for two reasons 1. He is my fiance and I feel he should make an effort sometimes and 2. I don't fancy the drive on my own on Boxing Day.

Please note, throughout our 9 year relationship I have never made him come to anything like this, I have always gone alone. However, he is reluctant to come as he wants to stay in, chat online with his friends, and play Xbox on Boxing Day. I know it's his bank holiday too but I am a bit pissed off tbh. I've said we will leave to come hom by 7pm at the latest, but he says he doesn't want to be out for more than a couple of hours as he could miss an opportunity to buy something important on a bidding website He is kicking up a huge fuss.

AIBU to want him to come with me?

Go in the day and stay over if you don't want to drive in the dark. I think you should go and see your grandma personally.

Surely part of being in a long term relationship /engaged/married is that your have to do things with your partners family sometimes. Christmas is usually one of those times.

Stop letting him limit your life. Go and stay over somewhere. And think seriously about his priorities because it doesn’t sound like you’re one of them. Don’t let him drag you down.

YANBU to want him to come but equally he has made it clear he doesn’t want to and, I’m guessing, he has either decided he won’t go or else you will probably end up wishing he hadn’t gone since you won’t be able to relax or stay as long as you’d like.

Can’t you go by yourself and stay over or stay over with someone closer by if you don’t want to drive back alone? Otherwise go but leave whilst it is still daylight.

I’d also suggest a few more visits in the coming months as your grandmother is ill and, whether this is her last Christmas or not, will appreciate it and you don’t want to look back and regret not seeing her. I hope this is all unfounded speculation and she has many more happy Christmases ahead of her.

Just for your own sake, definitely worth getting confident driving in the dark. I am/was a nervous driver, but have tried to keep pushing myself out of my 'comfort zone' and it definitely works.

Personally I see my relatives as my responsibility, not my partner's, but appreciate that not everyone feels this way.

The relative is OP's responsibility but OP wanting support from her partner is the partner's responsibility.

Speaking as some one who missed a dear relatives birthday party becayse my now ex husband didn't fancy it and basically made it impossible for me to go (shant go into the reasons) the dear relative passed away a few weeks later and I feel deeply sad I let that tosser sway me from what I knew the right thing was.

Go. Leave the twat at home. Enjoy your gran x

I would go and ask him to be gone by the time I returned. No way would I stay with someone that selfish.

He's being unreasonable and acting like a child.

But if I was her fiance, I would be concerned what the next request might be. There is such a thing as precedent. What will she next require him to do?

A precedent, asking him to do something once in nine years, for what might be her grandmotherly last Christmas?
OP, he sounds selfish. I would go by yourself, (you might regret it later if you didn't see her now), and maybe take a look at your relationship and see if he is selfish in other ways.

He’s a selfish twat. I assume, of course, you visit his family when he wants ...