Nc as this is quite outing. Long complicated relationship with my df since my dm died.
He has a partner who I tolerate but has effectively helped to drive a wedge between him and his family.
His health isn't great and he's getting on now. I don't take my kids over because they chain smoke in their place and you can't breathe. Dm died of a smoking related illness (as did his sister who died quite recently).
Decided to bite the bullet and take my kids over today for a short period. Bending a lot of my personal rules but thought, 'hey, it Xmas!'
Just text him to remind him we're waiting for our food shop and I'll be over as soon as it's been delivered. Text me back straightaway saying his partner is about to have a nap and her family are on their way so not to bother.
I was already low contact/grey rock but for someone who whinges he never sees his grandkids and makes barbed comments about the amount of time my fil spends with them (he's a freaking saint and the kids adore him). Would it be totally u to just think 'Fuck it!' And not bother anymore.
Obviously his partner and her family's needs are far more important. And as not to dripfeed, after he made me effectively homeless to live with her (via text. Classy), they insisted they would only spend Xmas with each other so to stop any disputes about which family they will spend it with.
...And yet, the entire 10 years somehow they've spent it with her kids still. 
I know it's a lost cause and I try not to dwell but he's particularly pissed me off today.