AIBU to be pissed off with DH?

[Rosley]

DH and I are meant to be going out for dinner with another couple as it’s one of their birthdays. This couple are friends with DH way back before I even knew him and I have probably only socialised with them on a handful of occasions.

Since the last week of November I have asked DH for ideas of what to get this person for their birthday. At the beginning of Dec DH said to me that he will contact Birthday friend’s DP and find out what to get them. He said he would sort it, okay fine.

In the meantime I have been out shopping and bought all our families Christmas presents and wrapped them. He has a huge family (9 nieces and nephews!), my family is small. Now I don’t begrudge this (I enjoy buying presents) but I am simply pointing out that I haven’t been sitting on my arse, twiddling my thumbs.

Almost twice a week I have mentioned to him about pulling his finger out and getting this gift. He has fobbed me off everytime. I have even offered to pick up something up on one of my numerous shopping trips.

On Wednesday he finally says “Friend wants ”. Fine. I say why not go into town and get it. DH tells me, no need he will order it online. I tell him it wont arrive by Saturday and he assures me it will.

Suprise, suprise it hasn’t come. I’ve gone into town today (something I wanted to avoid by being organised) and everywhere is sold out of this bastard perfume. DH does not give a fuck and tells me to stop moaning at him.

This couple have text us to say they are bringing our kid’s Xmas presents with them tonight. I am so embarrassed, it looks like we have put in no effort. I’m dreading going and mumbling an excuse “Oh your present didn’t arrive in time” because it makes us look shitty.

I’ve told DH I am not going now as I am sick of him letting me down when I ask him to do something. It’s just laziness. I know it’s unreasonable to say I am not going but I Just feel terrible for turning up empty handed. I know I will have to go anyway as it would be even ruder not to, but I feel like me going isn’t teaching DH a lesson. So he will continue being a lazy arse.

Am I overreacting being pissed off because DH seems to think I am.

YANBU - If its his friend then he should be sorting the present. It sounds like you are just total opposites, you are super organised and he is the opposite, it must be really frustrating and embarrassing.

I don't think you should duck out of going but I'd probably be honest with them that DH didn't order it in time. YANBU for being annoyed - sounds like you've done way more than your fair share of the shopping and he couldn't do this one gift.

I’d stop doing the gifts for his side of the family, that’s for sure.

Be honest!

Say that you left it to hopeless DH but didn’t arrive in town. However will be a lovely perfume and should arrive shortly. In the meantime, have this lovely bunch of flowers (that your dh must buy!)

Could you go out telling him you're not going and then turn up a little late? Scare him a bit (and make him give the excuse of the lack of gift).

Could you get a token gift and apologise saying the real gift hadn't arrived yet (blame dh) and say you'll post it when it does?

Could you go out telling him you're not going and then turn up a little late? Scare him a bit (and make him give the excuse of the lack of gift).

Please don’t. Childish.

I’d be too embarrassed to go either OP.

I’d be too embarrassed to go either OP.

But these are friends!! Presumably very close if having dinner together at this time of year and gifting perfume as a birthday present.

Be honest. Laugh about it. Hand over lovely bunch of flowers. And then enjoy a lovely festive dinner together with close friends.

This couple are friends with DH way back before I even knew him and I have probably only socialised with them on a handful of occasions.

No, they are DH’s friends

But obviously very close friends of Dh

It just seems a shame to spoil a night planned for the sake of this.

It’s very hard but you need to change your mind set on this. The embarrassment is DH’s not yours. He agreed to buy the gift, he left it too late. DH should buy flowers/chocs to take tonight and explain this tonight. He is an adult, don’t take on responsibility for his actions or inactions. In future don’t even remind him or offer to get for him.

Oh and yes, YABVU to not go. How do you think that will make it any better for anyone?

I decided many years ago to refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed of things that men simply don't feel embarrassed or ashamed about.

Society puts this on women's shoulders. Stop caring. It's liberating.

Tell the truth if they were friends if your dh before you surely they are used to late/no presents

TBH I wouldn't give a shit about this - it's DH's friend, he looks a twat if he doesn't have a present, nothing to do with me. You have to let go of the idea that you're in any way responsible for stuff like this.

Do you enjoy their company at all?

Is it food that you like at the place you are supposed to be going?

If so, don't miss out because your husband didn't get a present organised in time.

He hasn't let you down he's let his friend down & they probably won't care anyway.

I would go and make it clear that you have done all the running around for Christmas but Dh said he would sort out the gift for the birthday and he didn't order it in time. Don't fuck up someone else's Christmas plans because your Dh is inept. He has to own it. They are probably looking forward to seeing you all so suck it up and go.

If they have been friends with him for a long time they should know what he is like anyway.

It isn't a man thing either, my Dh is completely organised and was finished shopping by the first week in December. He did it in dribs and drabs and puts a lot of thought into gifts.

Update DH has managed to track down a bottle of perfume in our local high street Superdrug.

He is so smug 🙄

Thanks all who suggested the flowers 💐, that’s what I had asked him to pop out and get.

So much wifework..remembering, nagging, nagging again, reminding, sending him out for alternative presents, being embarrassed because HE didn't manage to get HIS friend a gift..

Buy chocolates and flowers and wine as gifts

When giving them explain that you're sorry for the generic gifts but DH fucked up the ordering of the perfume

Your DH is a twat

Best thing I ever did was stop doing all my dhs Xmas prep and planning for him.

He never bought cards or gifts for anyone and his friends or family accepted without moaning, somehow him living with a woman and it became expected that cards and gifts that were not a big deal when dh didn't bother, is now a very big deal and I should be the one doing his planning and arranging and organising and wrapping and sending for him? I did it for years and resented how xmas eves would be spent me wrapping shit while dh sat drinking whisky.

Best thing I ever did was stop that. Xmas is way less stressful, few times mil commented about why I hadn't done dhs shit for him I just pointed out that DH was sorting it so to ask him. She never did because apparently he shouldn't have to do anything at all domesticated.

She's actually popped in today while he wall scrubbing kitchen and I was sleeping. 😂