To never speak to DM again

[Teeandee]

DM has a problem with alcohol, it's more of a psychological addiction than a physical one as she can and does go without when It suits her.

I thought she'd had a breakthrough recently when she agreed to see a support service on a regular basis and stop drinking, against my better judgement despite years of emotional abuse I supported her once again, ferrying her to and from appointments. She showed commitment to going and not drinking (or so I was lead to believe) so I welcomed her round in the Christmas period to spend time with the DC, sober. She arrives last night under the influence and says it's because she's been doing so well with her alcohol support counsellor and blew a zero reading on a breathalyser so she wanted to celebrate

I made her a hot drink then told her she had to leave and not to contact me again because we're done here.

She has disrespected my boundaries too many times, coming here under the influence around my DC when we've strictly agreed no contact whilst in drink.

I never want to see or speak to her again, so my question is AIBU to disown her completely especially over Christmas? She impacts my mood in such a negative way I no longer want to know her.

Sounds like you’ve tried op. I think I would have done the same thing. I hope you’re ok.

@poppstar35 I'm ok

I just know I'll become 'The bad one' now for exiling her at Christmas 'because it's your mum' and all that jazz.

It's rubbish I can do without from extended family

Leave lines of communication open ( by phone ) and tell her that when she is totally sober your happy to speak to her. Ultimatums are difficult and likely to drive her into drinking. Invites are difficult as you only know how she is when she arrives. If meeting go to her first. Its reasonable to expect that if you've had a problem for years and are on the wagon you may occasionally fall off it. Some alcoholics factor in the occasional bender

That's the thing when you cut contact with toxic relatives, you're always going to be the bad one. We cut contact with my narcissistic gran and were the worst in the world. She's dead now and some people still look at us like dirt. But we weighed it up and decided it was worth it for our own sanity and well being. Sounds like you need to do them same.

I wish you luck OP, and when you come out the other side you will feel so relieved.

She broke your trust. You are hurt and angry. It sounds as if this is the final straw for you. I know the exasperation of dealing of dealing with an alcoholic parent. All the broken promises, lies and utter selfishness. Ignore the extended family, you stated the rules up front, you were supportive. it's your Christmas too.

The drink has turned her into a remorseless liar, she stands in front of me swearing on her life that she'll never touch a drop again which we know she most definitely will.

There's a lot of history which makes me feel as though she should be damn greatful that any of her children bother with her at all. I don't feel like I have anything left to give her