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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.. To walk away?

8 replies

Kumali · 22/12/2018 06:05

From an 8 month relationship which has been on the whole fantastic. Now discovered he has some severe mental health issues, been treated in the past but having another very bad episode now with delusions, paranoia..Im torn. On the one hand I love him, but on the other I'm not equipped to deal with something like this. But I feel terrible for even thinking of abandoning someone who is obviously extremely ill and vulnerable..he refuses to seek help. He got taken to a hospital but "hoodwinked" them into letting him go, I've no idea how this happened as he should not be left like this as its blatantly obvious he is ill. But.. I have a young child to care for too. How can I cope? Our Christmas plans are in pieces, and Im just broken.

OP posts:
LEMtheoriginal · 22/12/2018 06:08

I have anxiety and depression and newly diagnosed with bpd so this is a sensitive subject for me.

My advice to you is not to walk away - fucking run!

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/12/2018 06:09

I would.

You have a young child to think of and if he isn’t helping himself then you cannot take on responsibility for him as well.

Take care of yourself

Urbanbeetler · 22/12/2018 06:11

How awful for you both. And what terrible timing.

I think if he is refusing to seek help and you have a small child, no one could blame you for walking away at this stage. But I get why it feels bad for you. Maybe back off and talk to him about it when he is well?

blackcat86 · 22/12/2018 06:12

I think that you either need to accept that this will be a potentially ongoing part of your partner's life that they need to manage or leave. Ideally he would have been using management techniques that worked for him before he became unwell but now he is it may be difficult for him to seek help. Given that you have a young child, if you do choose to stay you need to be clear that this on the proviso that he gets help.

DH has borderline personality disorder and we have a young baby together. It's not easy because I've been supporting him at a time when really I needed support myself. He can't control his diagnosis but I do expect him to engage with treatment and go to the GP if I ask him to (because often I'll spot that he's not right before he does).

Sirzy · 22/12/2018 06:12

If you don’t feel you can support him then it is best for everyone for you to be honest and walk away.

KC225 · 22/12/2018 06:19

I think the main issue is the fact he is refusing help and hoodwinking the MH professionals even though he has been hospitalised. How can you support him him when he is refusing help? I would walk away from this. You have a child to protect, salvage what you can out of Christmas. Can you go and stay when family or friends? The break away may give you a little clarity.

Kumali · 22/12/2018 06:38

He says there's nothing wrong with him! But in the next breath is telling me he caused the O2 network crash... Its horrendous. I miss him so much, I can't stop crying

OP posts:
loubluee · 22/12/2018 06:53

I have bipolar disorder, diagnosed a year before me and dp got together, however we’d been friends for years.

I’m okay most of the time, until I go into crisis. He’s now recognising these signs, wont listen to me during it, as in I’ll say things like leave me your are better off without me, I’m wrecking your life, meet a women who won’t go crazy etc. He’ll say I’m not listening to you at all, and we’ll speak about this when you are well again.

He makes sure I take all my meds (I am compliant anyway even when unwell), makes sure I attend all my psychiatry appointments, he reads my care plans and follows them etc.

However, I’ve never gone psychotic when in a manic episode thankfully. Will it happen in the future? I don’t know is the simple answer.

We live about 40 minutes between each other. So see each other a few times a week. I also have children but they are 14 & 18. My children handle my moods extremely well. It’s their normal unfortunately. But as I said I’m lucky with my bipolar in that it’s pretty well controlled, and I don’t hit those psychotic episodes, and I’ve never had to be admitted or sectioned. I’m just given anti psychotics to take at home to bring my mood down.

We don’t ask for this obviously and mental health can affect anyone at any stage, no one is immune.

My natural reaction as someone with a mental health diagnosis is- stick by him as he needs your support now more than ever!

My mum head says, do what you have to do to keep your child safe. As an adult you may be able to handle it, but a young child having to deal with it when it’s not their own parent is a different matter. Would I honestly meet a man with a young child and start a relationship with my diagnosis? The answer is no. It’s hard enough my children have to handle it, but they are my children and they are an adult and a teen. I would never put this on a young child.

So that’s my opinion from both sides. As a mental health sufferer and as a mother.

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