Most favoured child

[Frogletmamma]

Aibu to resent this. Mother has 3 children and is coming for Christmas. My brother who is selfish and idle can do no wrong. My sister who works incredibly hard in a caring profession gets remorseless criticism. I get fairly neutral comments. This is wrong surely. Aibu to go nuts at her if she says anything inflammatory over Christmas.

Bump

Going nuts pregnant dint achieve anything, the kidder you sit the less people listen. YANBU to call her out though, 'please don't make such negative comments about DSis she works icing hard and is a very caring person, I don't want to hear her criticised' etc. Or the classic 'do you mean to be so rude with your comments?'

I don't know that it's a good idea to "go nuts an her." That might make everyone feel awkward and uncomfortable.

If she criticizes your sister, you could counter the comment with something nice about your sister.

steff I know you are right but sometimes the things she says are so unwarranted I lose it slightly

I think it would be okay to reply with "please don't speak to us like that it is xmas" or similar. Left unchallenged she will think it is okay to continue. I would maybe have a word in private though not in front of everyone else.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to resent the fact she shows favouritism, why can't she go to your brothers house for Christmas and how does you sister feel about it all

Be open and address the comment immediately. My mother is like this and I would have a quiet chat after about comments which were unkind, however as my sister didn't see me take measures i am now considered an enabler and fellow abuser ; my relationship with my sister is extremely poor as a result!

Will your siblings all be there too?

Do they agree on your view of the dynamics?

If so, why not be ready with name badges like 'Tom - The golden child', 'Karen - the scapegoat', 'Melissa - the average middle child' etc

You could do it as humour but it would address it at least.

She probably doesn't realise what she's doing. Well, you'd hope not.

I wonder sometimes if people need to feel needed, so the weaker perhaps lazier kids who need more help and things done for them get favourited over those who are strong and independent? Who knows.

Passive aggressive pseudo polite response works for me - "Yr dsis never does X" - "Oh no, she always does, you're thinking of dbro".
"Your dsis looks ugly" - "Dsis always looks lovely because her good thoughts shine from her face like sunshine."
"Dsis doesn't do that right" - "Dsis does it the same way I do it. We're fine with it."

Polite tone but totally shut down any criticism.

‘I totally disagree with you mother. More sprouts?’

Be polite and calm (don’t “go nuts”)! But do address any nasty comments head on. Call her out by asking her why she is being so unkind and unpleasant to your Dsis, ask her why would she make untrue and humiliating remarks? Do this in front of everyone,