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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at the assumption everyone drinks?

47 replies

Clover12 · 21/12/2018 20:15

I have never liked the taste of alcohol, though I will drink the odd glass at a fancy meal. The few times I have drank more than a couple of glasses, I've never enjoyed the nauseous feeling or had any desire to get drunk. It's just not my idea of fun.

It seems the world doesn't agree. Every birthday/ celebratory event, I have been given a bottle. I now have about 15 bottles in my kitchen. My secret Santa gave me a bottle, despite most people knowing I don't really drink.

Our company has also given us all a wine membership as a Christmas present, which means for the next few months I will get several more bottles delivered.

I probably sound ungrateful, but I hate the assumption everyone drinks. What about pregnant women/ muslims/ people on certain medidcations/ recovering alcoholics?

OP posts:

MadisonMontgomery · 21/12/2018 21:27

Last Christmas I got about 10 bottles of wine! I give them to the local hospice who use them for tombolas & such, same with chocolates and gift sets etc.

Username12345 · 21/12/2018 21:29

YANBU

I empty the bottles down the sink.

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 21/12/2018 21:32

Why be so wasteful?!!

MyPoodleisWorthTenofYou · 21/12/2018 21:36

That was to Username. I mean fine don’t drink it or have it in the house but pouring it away is just silly. It’s not hydraulic acid, someone could make use of it!

Lobsterquadrille2 · 21/12/2018 21:37

YANBU and to me it's not an "easy gift" to receive because as a recovering alcoholic, I have an alcohol free house. Most people know I don't drink but not many outside AA know the reason why. I wouldn't give a bottle to anyone else either.

howrudeforme · 21/12/2018 21:37

No biggie - everyone assumes you like boxes of biscuits. We hate biscuits but happy to receive as we gift them on to people who like them.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/12/2018 21:44

Why would you store them in your kitchen, rather than giving them to others?

I know what you mean but agree with pp that it's just a generic gift, of which there is no universally desirable example.

DD feels the same about Haribo. Why does everyone assume children like Haribo? Many are vegetarian, or won't eat gelatine because of religious dietary codes. Bloody Haribo again is more disappointing for a child than wine is for you. But, we pass it on to people who like it.

Kerantli · 21/12/2018 21:51

I don't drink because DP is a recovered alcoholic and I was on the brink of becoming an alcoholic.
Last week we went to my grandmas funeral where my dad was shocked when I said "I don't drink any more, I haven't for a few years now."
It just seems like it's expected for you to drink as soon as you hit the legal age to drink.

I don't understand it to be honest, and to me, it feels like some adults that drink are really proud of the fact they do.

ShadyLady53 · 21/12/2018 21:57

YANBU, I'm teetotal. A big part of my childhood was ruined due to very prevalent alcoholism on both sides of my family. People constantly give me alcohol in lieu of gifts...even though they know I don't drink, even though they know I can't have in the house (I live with a Muslim relative), even though they know how much pain alcohol has caused my family and that there is a good chance if a certain family member sees it, even in my car ffs, they'll relapse. It's my work Christmas bonus and birthday present from both jobs. Bosses have been made aware that I don't have it either personally or in my home but still...

I don't understand it at all.

feellikeanalien · 21/12/2018 21:58

I used to drink a fair bit but after having my DD I just went off it. I might have the odd glass now and again but the thought of a hangover and behaving embarrassingly when drunk does not appeal at all.

MincePieMum · 21/12/2018 22:12

DH is a recovering alcoholic. At work they have an 'incentive'. Complete x number of tasks and spin the wheel. If it lands on a prize space, you get the prize. Except every prize is alcohol. All of it. And DH has been very open about not drinking.

He has even complained about the smell of alcohol hand gel that is situated on the wall near his desk. It's a normal office environment, not a clinical setting. So his line manager knows how sensitive he is to this. It's just lazy to grab a bottle and think 'that'll do'.

TokenGinger · 21/12/2018 22:17

I am exactly the same as you, OP. I just don't like the taste of alcohol. I don't drink, at all. Not even a random glass of wine or spirits. I just do not like it.

I hate when people buy me alcohol, it's such a wasted gift. I feel bad they've wasted money and I feel a bit disappointed I have a gift I don't benefit from. Especially when they know I don't drink alcohol.

bunnyup · 21/12/2018 22:32

I have never had alcohol as a secret Santa! I've had a lot of toiletries (can only use one brand of soap/ moisturiser), and a lot of chocolate (can't eat nuts so very rare I can enjoy it)

I just say thank you and regift, can't imagine starting a thread about why people assume everyone likes chocolate

I do drink so would have loved some wine but hey ho

sj257 · 21/12/2018 22:56

People seem to think people who don’t drink or don’t drink often are odd. I can take it or leave it, can not have a drink for months but then could drink a couple of times in one week. What I find odd is people drinking most days

nocoolnamesleft · 21/12/2018 23:17

The gifts are a minor niggle, I just regift, or use them when entertaining. The annoying thing is the way 95% of work social events revolve around getting drunk. And all the people that nag you that "oh you will like this drink, everyone loves this drink, even people who don't drink love this drink", insist on buying it for you over your protests, and then sulk all night because you don't drink it, as it tastes as foul as every other alcoholic drink you've ever tried. Or assume that the only way you can be teetotal in this society is if you're a recovering alcoholic. Nope, just don't like it.

Gudgyx · 21/12/2018 23:23

Beaniebaby4 I’m the same as you, only it just clicked with me in August that it was an alcohol doing it. It makes me really congested which then turns into a pounding sore head. Decided no more, so haven’t had a drink since then. I’m not interested anymore, too old and tired.

Nacreous · 21/12/2018 23:25

If I don't know sometime very well, I assume they will just be able to regift the wine if they don't drink it, thus saving them money on a gift elsewhere. I was tee-total for three years and that was what I did - or fed it to guests or cooked with it, depending on the quality of the bottle!

I would never give wine to anyone I knew was tee-total though!

I don't really understand why you keep all the wine? I would definitely give it to others. (Although, I must have 15 bottles in the house ATM, but with new year coming up I expect my stocks to be rapidly depleted.

startingafresh1 · 21/12/2018 23:58

I don't drink wine ever, rarely drink anything else either. My mum has a terrible relationship with alcohol, she beat and abused me when she was drunk and I just can't enjoy the feeling of becoming even a bit under the influence. I enjoy a fun night out, have a laugh and a dance but I prefer to do it sober.

It is a bit disappointing to receive bottle after bottle of wine and prosecco, but I accept that it's a sensible gift for people to give- and even those who know me well can't seem to process the fact that I'm not going to drink wine ever- so they keep giving it to me.

I'm off to a Christmas party soon. We've all had to pay extra for alcohol tickets, there was a dessert option as an alternative but no one even considered that I wouldn't be drinking so the organiser booked the drinking option for me. I tried to change it but it was too late- so I'll give my alcohol tickets to someone else.

I do wish it would occur to people that some of us don't drink. People accept that others are vegetarian, gluten free etc., but alcohol free totally stumps people and I'm often the subject of someone's 'mission' to get me pissed. I don't tend to explain my reasons as who wants to hear that being drunk reminds me of being beaten, locked in the cellar or dragged around the house by my hair?

I'm regarded as weird despite the fact that I honestly don't think I'm bad company when sober. It's like the drinkers feel threatened when someone isn't playing along to their tune.

Sorry for the long post!

Stormy76 · 22/12/2018 00:03

Yanbu there does seem to be an assumption that everyone drinks, in fact people seem shocked when I say I don't drink and I have been accused of lying as well. I don't drink because I take meds for pain, I don't like hangovers, alcohol gives me migraines and makes me puke. I can have fun without alcohol in the mix.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 22/12/2018 00:38

YANBU. I don't drink and haven't for 15 years. I'm not a recovering alcoholic, I just don't want to drink - I don't need it to have fun and I detest drunk people.

I hate getting it as a gift. It's thoughtless and could reakt have an impact on someone who was a recovering alcoholic. I also don't think it's an appropriate gift for my primary school aged pupils to be giving me - it's just normalising it. Horrid and very tacky.

I don't have anyone to give it to either - none of my friends of family drink, so I'm afraid it does go in the bin as our food bank doesn't take alcohol.

princesstiasmum · 22/12/2018 00:52

I was laught at once by a man who said I was boring because I didn't drink.he drank a lot.he's dead now

princesstiasmum · 22/12/2018 00:54

Should say he's dead now

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