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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU- cousin’s first anniversary dinner 3 hours away tomorrow

50 replies

HulaHoop2012 · 21/12/2018 19:14

Ok so I’m very close to my cousin, she got married last year and had an amazing wedding.

In February she said she was organising an anniversary dinner for the 22nd December (even tho her anniversary is the week before) i said it sounded lovely but couldn’t commit as I was pregnant with our second child. Baby would be 8 months.

The dinner is for immediate family in the hotel they got married in. It’s also very pricey.

It came to room booking and she told me dinner would be at 8. It’s a very formal hotel and not really baby friendly. I declined but said my parents would drive the 3hr journey and take our daughter.

Nothing more said until her husband phoned me saying how much we would be missed. I was taken aback and said we would think about.

The logistics are a nightmare and then the whole family including my cousin and husband would come to stay with us from Christmas Eve. My baby does not sleep and evenings are still very hit and miss. Quite frankly I’m shattered.

Now, my parents live in England, we are in Ireland and they have been caught in the Gatwick disaster and are now only arriving tomorrow after travelling to an airport further away from them.

My cousin is now suggesting they drive from Dublin to Belfast to collect my mum and dad and then they go to the dinner and get the train back to Belfast on Sunday. My parents aren’t spring chickens and get nervous in new places, they are already stressing about getting to a new airport.

Now I can’t understand if we are being unreasonable. I’ve had so many txts and conversations that I can no longer think clearly.

OP posts:
adreamofspring · 21/12/2018 22:19

Gatwick*

BlueJay1 · 21/12/2018 22:31

Lol why would anyone care about celebrating her one year anniversary with a posh dinner. You've only just celebrated the wedding day!!
Maybe just don't stress yourself. If you can't go (or don't want to go) then don't. You have a baby and that is reason enough. Don't feel bad, she's way OTT to be organising this in the first place. It would be too much for me with a new baby and added obstacles.

babysharkah · 21/12/2018 23:06

Jesus no! We barely celebrate our own anniversary never mine cousins or anyone else.

Orangewoollysheep · 21/12/2018 23:10

Bet there is a pregnancy announcement

RitaTheBeater · 21/12/2018 23:15

You would be unreasonable if you did go! The whole debacle is preposterous.

sherrysfortea · 22/12/2018 08:20

I think it's all completely OTT and unreasonable to make such a big deal over their first wedding anniversary.

Say no and stick to you guns. People like this need putting in their place.

sherrysfortea · 22/12/2018 08:22

And I'll just bet they are expecting a bunch of anniversary gifts as well.

Rach000 · 22/12/2018 08:38

How ridiculous. They just want some sort of second wedding and all the attention. I wouldn't go. Not with a baby so near Christmas and all the effort and time getting there, as well as the cost. An anniversary should just be for them 2 I think. I don't really understand why people buy others anniversary cards as thought it should just be for the couple as it's their marriage.
A baby can't go to the meal that's just pointless and unfair on the baby. I wouldn't even be able to take my nearly 4 year old to a meal at 8.

BlackCatSleeping · 22/12/2018 08:42

If it was me, I’d just say the baby was running a fever and sorry you can’t make it.

It’s very weird of them to organize an anniversary dinner for themselves especially so close to Christmas.

Vampiratequeen · 22/12/2018 08:43

I would understand if it was a big anniversary but for their first? It should be just them celebrating together. That's what we have done for our last two, for our second anniversary, my DM had our 2 kids whilst we went for a very rare meal just the two of us.

mogtheexcellent · 22/12/2018 09:22

Surely for first anniversary it should be them on their own in a naice hotel shagging constantly? Xmas Hmm

Such a shame your baby and parents are so unwell before Christmas Xmas Wink

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 22/12/2018 09:28

You cousin sounds like someone who wants her "special day" to last forever.
I can't get over someone getting married in December 2017, then by February 2018 they've already planned an anniversary party for December 2018!
No one wants to travel unnecessarily the weekend immediately before Christmas so I can't understand why she moved her anniversary later.

EwItsAHooman · 22/12/2018 09:30

I agree with the posters above, so many sick bugs going around this time of year, such a shame the baby has come down with it and the rest of you are probably contagious now.....

Then if she tries to organise a dinner next year too give a firm "no" from the get-go - logistics are too much, you have two small children to think of, it's a big expensive very close to Christmas, it's not personal and you still love them both but you won't be going, etc.

I thought it was only big anniversaries that were celebrated with other people like silver, ruby, golden, etc?

freshfoodpeople · 22/12/2018 10:02

I wouldn't even travel three hours for a wedding, let alone an anniversary party.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 22/12/2018 10:08

I'm not looking forward to half an hour in sainsburys today.
The Idea of 3 hours travel makes me feel faint

Lweji · 22/12/2018 10:12

Anniversaries are for the couple.
Maybe major anniversaries would warrant a family dinner, but not before the 25th.

Is the marriage in trouble already?

mummmy2017 · 22/12/2018 10:13

Tell them you just can't face it...
That you hope they love you enough to see with the baby it just isn't going to work

That you will see them when you can..

Just keep saying sorry, this just doesn't work for us.

BubonicWoman · 22/12/2018 11:01

Your parents need to say they can't make it and return home to some piece and quiet
This is madness. It reads like you have to pay ?
Decide now you won't be doing this next year. Does she want a wedding every year? Imagine if everyone did this. Especially so close to Xmas

HadAnOeuf · 22/12/2018 11:17

I don't even get people celebrating big ones with other people. It should be just about the couple. But maybe by 40/50 years you have nothing left to talk about over dinner. After just 1, they should be ok.

PedroTheCowboyLostHisGlasses · 22/12/2018 12:06

She sounds like a spoiled brat. Who drives 3 hours to celebrate someone else's anniversary
Surely they should be celebrating alone
Quite bizarre inviting the family
My thoughts exactly, I didn't even know this was a thing expecting family to celebrate with you. It sounds like she is self absorbed, wasn't the wedding enough, no she needs attention once a year for it - she needs to get over herself.

Are they expecting gifts aswell, I bet they are.
Who is paying for the meal?
Are the cheecky fuckers expecting you to pay for your own meal, transport there and a gift also!!!!!!

PedroTheCowboyLostHisGlasses · 22/12/2018 12:08

Oh, they’re one of those tedious couples who buy into the idea that their wedding is some sort of spectacular treat for all their friends and family

I know a couple that had their own website with a countdown for their wedding day that started a year before, contanstly talking about it like it was the event of the century

GCAcademic · 22/12/2018 12:12

Are they going to do this every bloody year? Just no. Nip it in the bud now. It's a complete imposition.

SilverySurfer · 22/12/2018 12:36

Total madness. Tell them you will go for their 25th anniversary

FishBulb · 22/12/2018 12:41

I only know of one couple who made a big celebration out of their first anniversary. They split before their second.

I hope it's not the case in this instance, but I wouldn't be surprised. People who are content and secure don't generally seek such OTT external validation.

No way would I go in your situation, OP.

The4thSandersonSister · 22/12/2018 13:04

Unless your a close relative celebrating your 5Oth I'm completely indifferent.

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