to be upset about work cliques?

[FluffyPig6]

I work in an office of women, and over the last few months a few cliques have formed. I left school a long time ago, but every day I feel I'm right back there.

These separate groups go to lunch in their packs every day, and behave awkwardly if someone else sits on their table. They have in jokes, and I've seen they constantly message each other in 'group chats' during the work day. After work they go out for drinks without including others.

Even at the staff party, they stayed in their groups. I spent the whole night talking to the receptionist.

I am friendly and try and start conversations with them, but I always get short and awkward responses. It really is like being at high school and it's making me want to leave.

This is awful. I don’t have streak advice because my experience has shown me that it’s next to impossible to change this kind of scenario. I’d want to leave too and probably would,

Stupid phone typo sorry

You have my sympathy.

I would want to leave to.

NOT THE RECEPTIONIST

sorry.

In my experience these thing always end in disaster, there’ll be a fall out of some sort so if I were you I’d be glad to be out of their gang.

I agree that something will happen and they will fall out ! Be an observer and watch the drama. Rise above it all.
Some people never escape the playground.

I would just ignore it all.... I'm surprised there is time for all the texting and in jokes and comments - don't they have any work to do?

If they're that hideously insular why do you want to befriend them?

Chances are it's not as cosy as it looks from the outside. Can you be doing with endless group chat dramas and someone (maybe even you) being the butt of an in-joke?

How long have you worked there for op?

Missing the point but what is wrong with talking to the receptionist?

I've never felt the desire to be part of a horrible group like that! I worked somewhere that was very cliquey before and hated it. Left after a few months! Where I am now is much more friendly!

Also ime the members of the clique never get promoted as they would favour their friends.

@PrincipalVernon nothing but the point is I was excluded by my colleagues

It's tough, keep plugging away.

I work in a mainly female office and it's like that there. We have a new starter (about a month in) and she's replacing a very very popular colleague. It must be really tough for her.

I've been caught up in my own world recently but you've reminded me how important it is to make the effort.

I have experienced this. It is awful. I never knew adult women could still act like this. The clique I dealt with were really bitchy too and make horrid subtly hidden jokes at my expense. I learned to just ignore them. Think that annoyed them more than if I tried to talk to them. Eventually I left as clique culture is hard to escape. It is horrible.

I don’t agree with the behaving awkwardly when someone sits with them, it’s like meangirls - some women are just bitchy and don’t grow out of it so it could just be the case but then friendship groups do form, not everyone is included.
Is it just you they are doing it to?
Do you have things in common with them?

Bleh I’ve worked in a team that was so “cliquey” it was horrible.
It’s a horrible atmosphere and I felt excluded most of the time (along with another few people off the team”.
It was a bit like mean girls🙈😂
But eventually our supervisors noticed, it wasn’t healthy and there was movement within our teams and office.
It probably took about six months, and a few of us had raised it as frankly it’s not a nice working environment. It does get better though... eventually !!

YANBU that sounds horrible. I do think some people never really leave that school mentality - they don't feel really bonded or popular unless they're excluding someone. It's one thing having groups of friends it's completely different to exclude people who all need to eat lunch at the same time and place or are all attending a work event.

My understanding of OP's comment about the receptionist was just that she ended up talking to someone who isn't on her team and she doesn't work closely with rather than her team mates.

concentrate on your own work, be pleasant with everybody, and just pass them over. When you end up being their boss because you didn't waste time with playground behaviour, you will be happy to be already on a separate level from them.

My workplace is like this; there's a big clique and you're either in it or you're not. I was line manager to some of the members and found it hard sometimes to manage them. I found them very immature but my manager thinks they are amazing. Fortunately I'm on maternity but when I go back I am requesting not to be their line manager anymore, I can't handle the stress of having to earn their respect when they only respect those in their clique (I am fairly new to the organisation but have only ever shown them respect). And I'm perfectly happy not being in their clique. They are mainly women but a couple of men too and if they think a new person is worthy of being in their clique they'll be super-friendly to that person as a way of building up their clique. Which makes socialising and even just walking into the staffroom at lunchtime quite hard.