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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go with DH ..

15 replies

AllKinds · 21/12/2018 17:20

AIBU to feel weird going with my DH to his appointment for him to give a sperm sample?

Had the options of producing sample at home and getting it to the right hospital department within 1 hour, or providing one there, he opted for doing it there as we don't live close to the hospital.

He's attended all my appointments and scans. I want to give moral support but is is odd for me to wait and read a book while he's... in a nearby room proving a sample?! I'm over thinking it, right? He said he doesn't mind either way.

What's the etiquette?!

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 21/12/2018 17:21

There’s no right or wrong answer. What do you think he really wants you to go?

Original poster
AllKinds · 21/12/2018 17:27

He said he really doesn't mind. But I'm not sure if me being there would make it more awkward for him - I know it's a hospital setting and everything, but I'm just worried I'll turn up with him and that's not the 'norm', or if there are other men waiting then I don't want to make it uncomfortable for them.

Going through all the tests etc for fertility so just not wanting more stress. Overthinking everything atm.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 21/12/2018 17:34

It's totally normal for partners to attend or for men to attend on their own. No one so bat an eyelid at you sat in the waiting room

tor8181 · 21/12/2018 17:34

i did this many years ago when we were going fertility treatment

my elderly grandfather was sitting with me as well as he was the one to take us as we wasn't driving at the time and the hospital was well over a hour away

we were in the waiting room they took my partner off to another room he did the thing and we all went off to the appointment about me(i already knew it was me as i have PCOS)waited a hour or so and his results came back clear and then i came away with fertility tablets for 6 months

not sure how it works now as this was 2005

JaffaBiscuitNotCake · 21/12/2018 17:40

I would say the majority turn up alone, but either way is fine. It's not usually done at the same time as anything else so no need for the woman to be there. I work in a gynae dept with a fertility unit attached so usual to see men and women hanging around the waiting room

Catmum26 · 21/12/2018 17:43

my husband went alone. he said it was awkward enough without me being there too. i’m sure many people go alone or with their partners so nothing wrong with either. if he’s just going there to give a sample though is there really any need for you to go just to sit in the waiting room? unless you are getting results immediately but that doesn’t normally happen

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 21/12/2018 17:45

I dropped mine off when he had to provide a sample - they had to have it within half an hour or something like that so it made sense.

Makes me feel a bit odd though, handing over a pot of spunk possibly still warm 🤢

Greggers2017 · 21/12/2018 18:09

I went with my other half everybody there was with their partner too.

Original poster
AllKinds · 21/12/2018 18:15

Thank you so, so much for the replies. I feel a lot better now, if there isn't a total right or wrong. I'll see how DH feels on the day and will make sure I'm available to go with him if he needs company.

Seems a bit unequal he gets this ONE test while I'm being prodded, poked and the blood tests seen to never end! Sad

OP posts:
Whatelsecouldibecalled · 21/12/2018 18:18

Ha! We had exactly the same thoughts. 5 samples in and we have done a mixture. I’ve been with him he’s been on his own. He’s nipped upstairs and done it whilst I was waiting and even once in the toilet at work (Blush) not ideal.

You’re right it’s not fair all they do is jizz in a pot but my DH has been incredibly suppprtive and he has found it rough watching me go through some pretty invasive procedures.

Wishing you lots of luck x

VenusStarr · 21/12/2018 18:45

Wishing you luck @AllKinds, we're at the same stage. Dh said he didn't mind either way but he said he didn't think there was much point as he'd be in and out Hmm unfortunately it's been pushed back 2 months so we're considering private.

How are your tests going? We definitely get the raw end of the deal!

Original poster
AllKinds · 21/12/2018 18:56

@VenusStarr thanks so much - and much luck to you too, it's a rollercoaster isn't it?

That's so frustrating it's been pushed back 2 months - when we keenly know every month counts. What district are you in? We were lucky to get an appointment within a few weeks (Jan) but it seems to be a bit of a postcode lottery. I've had ultrasound, interblnal ultrasound and need to re-do progesterone checks as they were 'borderline'. Seem to have more questions than answers.

Feel free to PM to discuss more!! Smile

OP posts:
VenusStarr · 21/12/2018 20:30

I've messaged you @AllKinds Flowers

kitkatsky · 21/12/2018 20:37

Bless you! Without wishing to be flippant, his fertility tests are likely less invasive/ difficult than yours, so he should come to yours but if you don't want to set a precedent of offering support for every wank I think that's reasonable too Smile Wishing you best of luck with your journey. I gave a DD but can't conceive a second (with new partner) but he dsnt want to keep trying because of his age: I'm only including this to show my comment is meant lightheartedly and I do get it x

Mummyshark2018 · 21/12/2018 20:45

My DH did at home (alone- I had gone to work!) and then took to hospital ASAP, but had we not lived close enough I think he would've wanted to go alone. Ask your DH.
This reminded me of a funny story though which DH brings up often. At ivf clinic waiting for egg retrieval (in gown etc), doc comes over and says to my DH to come with him- I handed him my handbag (a very girly one :-) and said 'here take my handbag with you' - I didn't even click he was going to do what he was and I thought it would be better with him. He was mortified saying as if I was going to take your handbag to have a w**k! Lol

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