Hopeless teen?

[socksandcrocs]

Have just finished term at sixth form college and feel like it will never get better. Have no friends, isolated myself from those I had, have a terrible relationship with my parents- emotional/physical abuse from dad reported to the school who were unsupportive. Boys spreading rumours they saw my genitalia and that I had a threeway (am a virgin). Used to be a very high achiever, now failing a levels.
Does it get better? Is there any way I can go upwards from here? How can I raise good kids with no example of what good parenting looks like? Have never felt so alone.

Thank you
All our extended family live in Scotland 400+ miles away from here so we rarely see them and I wouldn't be able to stay with them.

Sending hugs. You do need to leave your parents house. You will find friends(maybe not at this college). Just focus on getting those A levels. Are you planning to go to university, what do you want to do after college?

Its the same school I have already spoken to, and they said they filed a referral but I haventheard anything since. The staff I spoke to seemed contemptuous and made a not untrue but nonetheless hurtful and unnecessary comment about me. They insinuated that I was the problem and that I needed to leave when he was around, which is obviously impossible, as well as using an example I gave of physical abuse as if it WAS the sole incident, with one even saying she would do the same. A. small part of me thinks that ending it or running away will solve my problems and maybe get them their comeuppance so that they can improve services in the future.

I don't know what I want to do at uni- I was always an oxbridge hopeful, but that ship has sailed and anything less feels like failure.
How do you pay for uni?

I'm so sorry you feel like ending it Crocsandsocks. I really think you should speak to your GP as a matter of urgency.

Life sounds like a really tough deal for you at the moment and I think you sound depressed. I know how hard it is to motivate yourself when you feel like this but if you can, my advice to you would be to try and find some anger and channel it outwards into work and not inwards to yourself. Get your head down, put the hours in and view this as a short term hard period of your life that working hard will get you out of. Find a library to get away from home to study. Maybe also see your doctor to ask if you access any support.

If you are clever which you obviously are, putting extra hrs in will really pay off. If you were an Oxbridge potential student, you probably still are, your GCSEs haven't changed. But even if you don't get to Oxford or Cambridge there are loads of other good unis where you'll get a great education. Don't give up, you are worth having a good life. Get your head down and send a big fuck off to this shitty part of your life.

As an aside I was v academic at school and felt really out on a loop at 6th form stage and that was without a difficult background. University on the other hand was amazing. If you do get into an Oxbridge college you may also find they have better bursaries etc if you don't have parental support.

Good luck OP, keep posting and please please aim high for yourself, you deserve it. Remember the phrase, this too shall pass.

I missed your post about ending it. I agree with the poster above, talk to a doctor quickly or phone Samaritans.

OP, I hated life at 16 and wanted to die. It's a position of powerlessness because you feel you have to stay at home til you get your A-levels. However, in my case I went to uni 400 miles away at 18 and I've never looked back :) life at 16 was awful, but I just had to get through it. I am now happily married with two beautiful children and actually, you can be a good parent without good role models.

It DOES get better OP, heaps better :) Just hang in there! When you are 30 or 40 you'll look back and feel so proud you came through it all.

Please hang in there, get support if you can, and remind yourself it really will get better once you've moved out

Are you ok OP?
Remember this isn't forever.
I have been very close to ending it all so I know those moments of despair and hopelessness.
Remember feelings even awful ones pass.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
The Samaritans are good to talk to.
You sound like someone who will offer the world good things once you're out of this bad time.
As for being a parent one day I bet you'll be lovely as you know how children feel if they are brought up unhappily.
But take care of yourself for now.

You poor thing it all sounds really tough for you!

I would definitely agree with seeing a GP - don't worry, no one will ever know. Even if your parents rang the surgery and asked they would be told nothing!

Secondly, please speak to someone else at school. The staff you spoke to sound completely inept! You need to speak with the person in charge of safeguarding - ask the receptionist who this is. They have a dirt of care towards you and must safeguard you.

It's great that you have a part time job - just getting out and seeing others will help you. Can you join a group of some sort to help you to make friends? DofE, a sport, cadets, a theatre group - whatever takes your fancy.

With the academics I can assure you that lots of students find it hard during the first term of A-levels. There is plenty of time to turn things around. Can you make an appointment with a careers advisor to get some ideas about what you want to do? Or even just look at universities you might want to go to - it will give you a focus. I would try to work towards going to uni, away from home as that could be a fresh start for you.

Over the holidays, if you really feel like ending it all, please call the Samaritans, post on here or go to your local A&E. There is help out there.

Don't worry about focusing solely on Oxbridge, there are so many very very good uni's that will offer you plenty of opportunities as well. Also don't discount Oxbridge completely as a PP said your GCSE's haven't changed. However anything less is certainly not a failure and in many subjects they are not necessarily the best option. As for what to study, if you're not sure go with what you think you will enjoy the most.

As for paying you will be entitled to a loan for the student fees for sure, then a certain amount of maintenance loan which is topped up means tested depending on parental income.

Will your parents be happy to share their information with the student loans people? My youngest DD's boyfriend moved in with us 3 years ago from a similar background to you, whilst his mum did agree to fill in the forms eventually we did quite a bit of research for independent living. You need to keep everything documented and in his situation as he took a couple of years out and worked full time he could have claimed independence and got the full loan. If it is a welfare issue, which you have already flagged, there was something along those lines too. There are certainly avenues open to you so please don't discount it.

Go and see your GP and phone the Samaritans and if necessary just keep posting on here, there will always be someone awake who can listen if nothing else.

It will pass, it is the most difficult time. When I look at my DD's now and remember what they were going through a couple of years ago they are different people. You will get through this.

Hi OP, just a quick post to ask how you’ve been during the last few days. How is everything going? I hope you’ve been feeling better