NYE

[Dobbyhasnomaster]

AIBU or would you presume your partner of nearly 4 years who you live with would be spending NYE with you? When historically that’s what you’ve always done.

This year he wants to go to a friends event (which I did once and never again - it was like a frat party with some very dodgy attendees, and I hardly know anyone there), and the reasoning is because we don’t want to spend a lot of money so therefore there are ‘no other options’, even though he knows I really don’t want to go and will otherwise probably end up home alone as my close friends are already away / have plans with their own partners.

He’s generally a really good partner, but this has left a sour taste - although I’m not sure if I’m just overreacting because I’m in need of sleep / a good break over Christmas.

Help please Mumsnet jury (but please go easy on me, it’s christmas after all!).

I’d say yanbu if he hadn’t invited you, but from what I can gather you could go but are choosing not to as you didn’t enjoy it last time.

So I don’t think he is being particularly unreasonable wanting to go to what he views a fun party. Especially if the alternative is staying in

Hinbu. He wants to go and have fun. But yanbu either. It sounds like the sort of lads party I would hate! The drunker they get the worse they act like testosterone fuelled 14 year olds.
Tbh I would rather stay home with a nice bottle of wine, pizza and Netflix but I just hate this type of thing.

Id the other option is just staying home then i think YABU

"if" not id*

Thanks for the replies - I think it is just clashing tastes. I’ve suggested a couple of things like a low key dinner out, or seeing family but I think he thinks that it isn’t ‘big enough’ for NYE, but I’m not a big party person myself. Maybe I will have a rom com marathon in my pyjamas with the cat whilst he goes. At least then I know he’s doing what he wants and will enjoy himself!

There were places my DH wanted to spend NYE and I didn't, so I accepted that I'd be home alone.

I think there's too much importance placed on NYE/Day, though.

Depends on what the alternative options are. It is not unreasonable to want to go party for NYE rather than hang out with your partner. He sees you all the time but doesn't get to have a new years party all the time.

I usually stay in on NYE because it's cold and I'd rather have a quiet night but always encourage my partner to go out to his friends' party.

If I wasn't invited then I'd be upset, but he does want me to go, it's just my choice not to.

If you are wanting to stop him going because you don't want to then YABU.

I don't think you should just accept it and spend NYE home alone. Why is it his choice or nothing? I think he is BU to not try and do something you both enjoy

Well if you have a cat to cuddle you're not alone!
I once went to a terrible Xmas eve party and went home early to cuddle with the cats and watch The Inbetweeners. Much more fun than being nice to drunk people you don't like!

Did he invite you? Go and have a few drinks, maybe you'll enjoy it

@pinkyyy I kind of thought this, which is why I think I’m a bit miffed. In previous years there have been things I’ve really wanted to do, but he wasn’t bothered for so we compromised on something else. Oh well, not worth causing a massive argument over at Christmas I guess!

@shoxfordian kind of - his words were ‘you can come if you want, but you probably won’t enjoy it and I’m not going home early, can’t you do something with your own friends’

I'd be at the frat party with your partner I'm afraid. 😄

I get that it's disappointing but it might be equally disappointing for him that you don't want to go with him.
Stay home or arrange to see a friend and let him get on with having his fun. It would be nice if you could spend NYE together but not if you want wildly different nights.

Oh, well that's not very nice

How are things with you generally?

@showfordian I know, if he’d said ‘I really want to go, id like you to come but understand if you don’t want to’ I wouldn’t have minded as much! Fine apart from this, it’s quite out of character so I’ll just let him get on with it if he wants to go I suppose. Thanks for being a sounding board everyone!