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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help my husband is a hoarder!

2 replies

snoodle1 · 21/12/2018 09:55

My husband has always been a bit of a hoarder but over the years it seems to be getting worse. He has claimed the second biggest bedroom in the house as his 'office' and to be fair he does do some work from home but mostly it is there to store his hoardings. The garage and loft are also full of stuff. I raised the issue with him a few years ago and he came up with the solution of getting an old caravan to put stuff in. Two years later and we have more stuff at home than ever - he just sees having the caravan as an excuse to be able to collect more stuff and now that is full. The stuff he collects tends to be electrical but it can be anything that he thinks might be useful. He keeps 'rescuing' things from skips at the place where he works - piles of books that have been thrown out, that sort of thing. My problem is that I am a neat freak and I hate clutter and junk! I feel very uncomfortable in my own home because even though he tries to limit this stuff to his 'office', it is still in the garage and loft and even the kitchen seems to be full of gadgets and things that just don't really get used or need fixing. When I raise the issue with him, he points out that he recycles some of the stuff as part of his work and makes some money from it, which is true but the bulk of the stuff is just sitting there and some of it has been there for years and he keeps acquiring more stuff which makes me very anxious. To make it worse, both my children have inherited this tendency, particularly my son whose room is packed of all sorts of things he has collected over the years that he refuses to throw out. When I explain that this makes me uncomfortable, they think I am being unreasonable. I have now got to the stage where I am fantasising about leaving my husband as soon as the children leave home and having a lovely clear, neat house that I can be happy in. This is sad because in every other way my husband is wonderful and I know there are far worse things a man can be or do, but I just can't get him to understand how unhappy I am and how sensitive I am to my environment. I would love to know what others think.

OP posts:
Justins · 21/12/2018 10:21

he can't and won't change just like you can't and won't change about your view on this. It is a real thing, hoarding.

Storage 'solutions' meant to tidy existing clutter that seem to leave a bit of clear space are seen as an opportunity to acquire further, a space to fill.

People hoard for all sorts of reasons but it is a mental illness and emotional thing. He isn't doing it to spite you.

I dont know how old your son is but you could as a family stop exchanging material gifts and treats and focus on experience gifts?

You could tell him it's making you want to leave the relation. You could enforce stricter rules ie no gadgets in the kitchen. You could employ a 1 in 1 out rule, everytime something is brought it another thing is taken out of the house and caravan into recycle/skip/bin/charity.

If he hates the idea of waste he could donate some to charity or make cash recycling it. If the items are of literally no value unless they are fixed he could try scraping them? maybe a yard sale?

There is a hoarders support charity, contact them for support (they close for xmas tomorrow)

www.hoardinguk.org

snoodle1 · 21/12/2018 10:42

Thank you, Justins. I think you are right. I have suggested he recycle and give things away and he always says he will but never quite gets around to it and even when he does, he acquires more to replace it. The main trouble is, he doesn't see it as a problem and so it is very difficult to get him to address it. Thank you for the charity details. I hadn't heard of them and will check them out.

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