To think you shouldn't ask what to buy for a gift then go any buy something completely different?

[Snowydaysaregreat]

So I don't want this to sound u grateful but its been niggling at me.

One of. My ILs always asks what can I buy for Kids.
They give a price range and I generally choose something. Whether toys or pj's, dvd or whatever.
Each and every time they always get something completely different that won't get used or played with or wrong size clothes etc.

Example.. What can I get dd 9m..? I reply. How about some books 'that's not my' ones and said which she already had.. Alternatively Some pj in 1 to 1. 5 yrs for the spring. . Prob best to avoid clothes as she's In between sizes depending on the shop.
They replied does she need a coat.. I replied, no thanks she has 2 already in 9 - 12m and one thinner in 12 - 18m for spring.

I then don't give anyone else that idea so as not to double up on things or have too much.

She's just come Round with an all in one coat thing age 12 to 18m..said she couldn't resist. Which won't fit her till spring or early summer.? It's huge. She said she'll grow into it. I explained that maybe go for Smaller size for now or bigger for next winter.. She said ah just rollUp the legs etc.. No kidding her feet didn't even go down as far as the knees should be.
I mean why ask what to get.. And the coat would of been more pricey than a book or. Pjs.

The coat will never get used due to the seasons...

This was the same when she was born. She knew I received loads already. So said she'd wait until baby born.. She then got a 3-6m outfit that was a winter one... She would be that age in summer. Then we had that blazing heat so never got worn.

. Ds asked for a voucher for a particular store or cash towards some football boots he loves.. She got him an Asda voucher?

I mean why ask?
I always buy what her kids ask for which often can be a bit inconvenient due to location of the shops. But I'm starting to think just do cash in future.

Yes I do! It doesn’t seem to matter what way I go round it she always gets random stuff. At her request I have; text a list, she bought something different. Sent pictures of item, she bought something different. Sent text with actual link to item, she bought something different. Actually bought item (for her to give me the money back) she still bought something else. Now I just give broad suggestions and not something the DD’s want.

What really amuses me her DC are in their 20’s now, but when they were little she used to get really annoyed when people asked what to get them and then bought them something different.

I just let it wash over me now.

My mum does this!! I am honestly not an ungrateful person and whatever people choose to buy or not, I am a big believer in it's the thought that counts.

But ... why do people ask if they then don't listen?!

Last year my mum asked what my children wanted and I told her! She then bought something really different for DS1 (that was a bit rubbish to be fair!!) and when he opened it, although he said thank you a few times and appeared grateful because he's very well mannered, he wasn't jumping up and down with genuine excitement as he does with most presents! My mum was really upset (lots of 'he doesn't like it', 'I'm no good at choosing presents' etc.. requiring lots of reassurance and messages of 'oh he loves it, just a bit tired etc...' 'you're a great grandma' etc...)

I just don't get it though! If she wanted him to jump up and down and give her a massive hug and carry the present around all day, then why not get the present I told her he'd love and has wanted all year?! She always does this!!! I think the reason is she wants to find something really 'quirky' and 'different' and extra amazing that will have everyone saying 'oh wow that is amazing! I'd never have thought to have got X that! Aren't you wonderful for getting that! Soooo clever! etc....' because she loves all that! But it never happens and she always ends up disappointed!!

Christmas hey!! :) all good fun!

Yanbu. My inlaws spent 5 years buying clothes that didn't fit my kids. I was s frustrated at the waste of money.
They have finally stopped after one days I tried all the clothes on the kids in front of them and it was clear they wouldnt never be worn . Now mil knits them jumpers that are too small instead!

I usually ask relatives in November if they have any particular ideas. If they haven't replied by about 15 Dec then time's up and they will be getting a surprise. It takes time for the delivery and then to wrap the gift and send it on to them, and there are too many other things going on closer to Christmas.

While I understand it's frustrating to receive things you don't like/need/want (happens to us all) surely for politeness' sake ideas can only be suggested/received as an option not a demand. So, unfortunately, there isn't much you/we can do without seeming ungrateful (except get it off your chest on MN )

Some of people's requests may look great but have been way out of our budget. On the (metaphorical) flow chart these days I'm afraid that also leads to "you're getting a surprise".

On the other hand, I'm finding that people ask for suggestions, but then ask me to order the item on their behalf or it's sent direct from the supplier and they ask we wrap it ourselves. I don't mind as a one-off, or elderly relatives doing it this way, but TBH it's a bit annoying to be awarded the extra tasks by others too close to Christmas. I assume they all think they're the only one, but it gets multiplied up.

In fairness to your mum, neither of you have any idea of how DD plans to grow over the next few months, or what the weather will be like next year.
So saying "she'll never wear it" is a little premature.

My MiL does this with presents for the kids and it drives me mad. I just don’t understand her logic

She’ll pester me from about September for ideas, I give her some suggestions in a wide range of prices but come Christmas she’s bought them something completely random

Both kids have hobbies that are a mine of Christmas present ideas. DD2 is mad keen on horse riding and has a pony of her own, last year I gave MiL several suggestions (and links) ranging from a couple of quid to right up to her budget. Instead she bought DD a stack of make up sets from Superdrug, that have sat unopened and untouched in her room for the last year

DD is 13, spends her time in grubby jods and boots, she never wears make up, not interested in make up in the slightest. I have to nag her to remove the mud from her fingernails, she’s never going to paint them in glittery nail varnish.

I don’t get it

Of course the kids are polite and thank her and write her thank you letters but it is baffling

My mum would ask what I wanted, then when I told her, would reply, "oh, I've already got yours"

I think sometimes, people ask as a way of dropping hints when they've already bought something. Like your example of the coat, she'd probably already bought it and then asked does she want a coat.

I bet this is exactly what happened. She wanted to buy the coat, did so, but also wanted the feeling of having bought something you needed for your daughter, so tried to steer you towards it.

My dad used to do this when he asked for advice on what to get my mom for Christmas. One year he decided one of the things he would buy her was a ‘nice pen

My mother always buys clothes too small and says if dosent matter if they just wear it once but it's such a waste of money.

You don't sound ungrateful to me, it's just a waste to buy clothes that just can't be worn!

I give away so much new stuff to friends. I even started telling her I'd have to give it to a smaller baby so she just as well call my friend and ask what she wants

Gah, posted too soon. He asked me if I thought it was a good idea. I said I wasn’t sure she’d use it. He got a bit huffy and came up with a list of (spurious) reasons why she would. I tried to steer him towards things she would like, but no - he’d dediced on the pen and was getting it come hell or high water. Why didn’t he just buy the bloody thing instead of pretending he wanted my opinion?

YANBU.

My ILs insist I write them a gift list for the kids so they can choose one thing from it and "surprise" us all. Except they then buy something that is not only not on the list, but is utterly useless. And the kids don't get one of the 5 odd items they might have liked (which I could have bought myself).

I've even said to them, "No need to give anything this year," but no. I have to waste an evening copying and pasting links from all over the internet so they can ignore it and give us something that will gather dust for the next 12 months breathes furiously into a paper bag

We have similar too, except we don’t get asked by my aunt in advance....she turns up with very expensive toys that we always already have or they don’t like. Everytime she is surprised that they have them already! We have b/g twins so likely to already have a wide range of toys in the house. It’s so frustrating as the kids end up being disappointed and feel awkward for not being hugely enthusiastic over something that they already have!
A quick ballpark conversation would do, just to gage what they might like. Some years she argued with me over us not keeping the item but why would we want 4 of something when we already have 2?!
Goodness knows what will happen this year.
The kids would just prefer to spend time with them anyway, not actually bothered about presents.