Someone please tell me I'm being awful

[CrazyDaizy123]

My partner is wonderful, in so many ways. He is a fantastic father and a great partner. There's just one thing. Work. He works so so hard to provide for us, and we're still only just making it each month despite a senior position in a good company. Problem is, he's away at least once a week for a day or two. Travels a lot so is late back a couple of nights a week. We have a 7mo DS.

I hate him being away but we get on with it and that's that. But, he uses two days of holiday for today and tomorrow off to lengthen his Xmas holiday. Great. Except, we've spent nearly 3 hours of the day taking the works car to be fixed and picking it up, replying to emails and apparently needs to write a review over Xmas. Fine. But then, his office lot are going out for drinks, so he wants to go. Fine. But the more I think about it I'm not fine with it.

He rarely sees friends despite me actively encourages it, but spends a hell of a lot of time socialising with work colleagues. Granted it's work, but still. Meals, drinks, activities etc. So he's out tonight, says it won't be late. But here I am again, stuck at home, by myself (bar DS). Am I being a total cow begrudging him a night out with work colleagues where the pressure is off unlike other work events.

On the flip side, we have today and tomorrow together. At the weekend we have his son (whom I love to bits before I'm flamed, but it's hectic). We have Xmas Eve, but that will be crazy, then we have DSS and DMIL for a few days. I already feel.like Xmas is being spent pleasing everyone but ourselves and I didn't expect to be waiting up, alone, like so often in the working year. I wanted some help in the night, some help in the evenings and to have a bit of fun together.

I'm just so tired and run down with the day to day and I'm dreading Christmas as it's just going to be utterly crazy and I'm absolutely shattered.

Am I being a cow? He is a wonderful man, who wouldn't begrudge me a night out. I think it's just because it's work, again. I'd be so thrilled if he was out with his friends.

You can't help how you feel. Do talk to him about it though, he may be able to adjust his working hours or take some time off so you can do something together.

Life is hard sometimes though. You're not alone. You both sound as though you're nice people.

His colleagues probably are his friends at this point in his life. He spends several hours a day with them. You build bonds with people when you spend that much time together.

I genuinely could have written your post last night...I am in the exact same situation except hubby works away 2 weeks out of 4. I have 2 kids and pregnant with no3. Hubby just home from work Wednesday night then leaves all day Thursday and overnight for work drinks etc.
I felt so alone and just left to manage everything as I always do! It is hard being the constant parent and main carrier of mental load. I knew this would be my life as he worked away when I met him but it doesn’t make dealing with the reality any easier.
I suppose I felt that he has all this time with his work friends, drinks, bars, bowling, cinema for the 2 weeks away that I was grumpy that he wanted yet another away from me and the kids. I didn’t want to be a cow wife so I said nothing, same as you, and moaned to my mum. You are NOT being unfair to feel this way and entitled to speak to him about your feelings. However all I would say is wait until after Xmas to have a frank open discussion as speak today after the event emotions will be high and you can’t be rational. I’ve made that mistake before and cause my hubby to then sulk for days. Not what you need just before xmas.
Keep your chin up - I can’t say it gets easier but you do get stronger x

Try to see it from his perspective. If he doesn't go to a work night out it may look bad to his team and boss.

There is certainly pressure to go to these things within a lot of workplaces. It's significant if you're only person missing.