To be pissed off!!

[snowman72]

It's hard to explain, mum and dad are dead, dad last year of cancer so it's difficult , mum for years now, my sister is selfish and doesn't bother with me or my dcs at Xmas. I'm spending Xmas with my 2 fab dcs and my husband but also with my 2 step daughters who hate me 😞. I'm cooking dinner for all my dh family and , buffet for dh friends on Boxing Day and now he wants a New Year's Eve party. I don't cos it will be all his friends and family. I just want to run away!

I get you don’t see your sist, but why don’t you have your own friends? Christmas is stressful op. Don’t over commit. If dh wants a nye party tell him he’s very welcome to have one, but you’ve done your bit so he will find you sat in a corner with a glass of fizz... he will probably change his mind!

Yes I have my own friends but they all do their own thing with their own families xmas and new year, I tend to see them before Xmas or after.

Christmas is incredibly hard after losing both parents. We’re seeing dh’s faily Christmas Eve and day and I’m being given a guilt trip for not wanting to spend 28th December with them too. We’re aeeing friends who’ll I’ll have more fun with.

Op can you arrange to have friends found maybe 27 or 28 December?

No you are not. I lost both parents 20+ yrs ago we spend boxing day with in laws but even now get grief about why not xmas day too. No one understands that it is important for me to spend time with my family (DH &DC)
Stick to your guns x

To be honest it's not just I don't want his friends around, I don't really want mine or his , I feel I need the rest. We also going to winter wonderland on the 28th with all the dcs and his family, that is the anniversary of my dads death too! I've kind of done all my partying and visiting friends, I just want to chill, make the use of being off work. I also have a long term health problem fibromyalgia which makes me extremely tired and achy particularly if I do too much !

I think you’re well within your rights to put your foot down on the NY party. Have you told him everything you’ve written here? You are being totally reasonable.

If he has to organize it, it will never happen! He'll have to go out and buy the food and wine, dress the table, cook the food (or get ready made nibbles), welcome the guests, float around topping up drinks and dispensing small talk...

He can go to someone else’s house and celebrate NYE while you get an early night! Start 2019 as you mean to go on, taking care of yourself and putting your own needs and wishes up there with his.

No way should you be forced to even have , never mind organise, a party at your place after all that, with someone who doesn't help. He's a selfish prick IMO.

I love a night in and bed at 12.10 at the latest on NYE. Bliss!

I have explained why I don't want a party he listens but seems to sulk so then I feel guilty

You are already using up your spoons lovely. No to nye just no.

Take yourself off to a hotel for the night and pamper yourself, let him have the party.

Why should you feel guilty? Why shouldn't he?

A bit beside the point it's a bit late to be organising an NYE party - most people wil already have made plans - though don't use that as an argument, he might come back and say 'oh but...'.

I can't understand why he would want to have a party if you don't want to. That's weird honestly. I mean, how could it be fun, having a party, which is meant to be all about fun, knowing you had made your partner miserable in order to have this "fun". It wouldn't be fun at all!

Well I've compromised, I've said why don't we go to the pub we can meet them there. Then I can always go home when had enough and someone else cleans up the mess. He's agreed but my step daughters think I'm being selfish as they want to invite their friends to a party

Excellent compromise. Now stick to your guns! The stepdaughters will just have to suck it up! When they're old enough to have their own homes the can have as many parties as they like.