AIBU to have said this?

[Mincepiebrummie]

I don’t have a good relationship with my ex, but I try for my kids sake. Today they dropped the kids off after school and I invited them in for a cuppa, I wanted to meet her and he was reluctant at first, but agreed to it in the end. As I opened the door for them I shook her hand and said “ Hi I’m Mincepiebrummie, I’m sure you’ve heard a lot about me” as a joke and we both laughed. I kept the conversation light, we spoke about what we do for living, the DCs, her DD, just normal chit chat. Anyway ex texted me when he got home saying I was “out of order” for saying that, and I’m looking “to start trouble”. Honestly it was just a joke, and if the shoe was on the other foot and he said that to a bloke I was dating I would laugh. AIBU?

Meh. Seems like a pretty normal ice breaker joke in what is otherwise a potentially awkward situation. So no YANBU!

Leave them alone.

I'm confused by the use of they, them, he and she?

But I guess it depends how you said it.

Sounds to me like your ex is scared of the idea of the two of you becoming friends.

I would honestly just leave them be. The utter shenanigans I went through with my abusive ex and the woman he started moving in before he would even let me move out, were immense.

I learnt to keep out of everything. I realised I wouldn't get a decent relationship between myself and them, like I did with my eldest's father.

You tried to do a lovely thing but it's backfired because he can't accept you doing the nicer thing. Leave them alone and know you were being polite and appropriate. It's not you. X

Well I think you were right to try, he's a dick.

YANBU-It surely makes sense for the DC if you know your ex's DP and are on friendly terms. If she is going to be interacting with or even caring for your DC, getting to know her is in everyone's best interests.

I would reply with an apology and explanation. Something like 'I genuinely wasn't trying to cause trouble, it was just my poor attempt at breaking the ice. Im sorry. Im glad we chatted though, she seems nice and it is nice for the kids to see the adults getting on.' That way, you have acknowledged his feelings but not gotten into an argument. He wont be expecting you to respond like this, he will be expecting you to be defensive and give him the row he has started. Take the wind out of his sails and ensure your introduction remains a positive thing.

Yeah, just keep your reply short making clear it was an ice breaker and nothing else. Hopefully he’ll see the funny side one day.
Well done for trying though, it’s perfectly normal to want smooth relations.

Sounds like a misplaced joke. Both (all 3) of you were likely stressed by the situation.

A qucik explanation / apology seems fine.

I don't see what you did wrong. He's just bothered that she'll realise that you're not the awful ex that he's made you out to be