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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit sick about these emails?

64 replies

EthelMermen · 20/12/2018 16:52

I work in a small team. There are just 3 of us, Team Leader and 2 admin assistants.

The Team Leader is a nice bloke, supportive and understanding but can get a bit stressed or hyper depending on how the job is going. He has your back though, as long as you get your work done.

The other admin has been out sick for over a month. She will be back in January. I have had to chase a few bits of paperwork that had been sent to her email so the IT manager has given me access to her emails so I can trawl through them and make sure any action needed can be sorted.

I’ve read a few personal emails to her friend.

She clearly despises me. She has referred to me as a cow, patronising, condescending and a bitch. She has referred to the team leader as being like a child on a sugar high and irritating as hell.

These were in private emails that shouldn’t really have been on the system, my name was the subject title. She has also been researching and applying for new jobs.

I thought she liked me, clearly not. I thought she liked the Team leader too.

I am a lot older than her and she thinks I treat her as if she is a child. I must give that impression but I thought I treated her like another professional colleague. Her expertise is in a different area to mine and I would always defer to her in that but she occasionally impacts on my section and doesn’t always follow procedures so I have to put it right. It’s this that I think she considers me to be patronising

I will have to reconsider the way I Interact with her. I don’t want to annoy anyone or not have a productive and gentle atmosphere in the office.

I feel upset though. A bit like I’ve been punched in the gut. She was really horrible about me.

How should I handle this?

OP posts:

Lettermethis · 20/12/2018 16:55

I don't think you should have read what we're clearly private emails.

But I'd be feeling pretty terrified if I was her and knew you'd had access to my account!

Lettermethis · 20/12/2018 16:55

*were

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 20/12/2018 16:56

I think you need to say to her when she comes back that IT gave you access to her mail and you and to read through some of them. I would leave it at that though. She will probably leave soon after that

lmusic87 · 20/12/2018 16:56

I really don't think the IT manager should have let you look through her emails, that seems very wrong to me.

Lettermethis · 20/12/2018 16:56

And if she's looking for new jobs...hopefully she'll be gone soon!

twiglet · 20/12/2018 16:57

Well she's a numpty for sending them from her work email address as they are considered work property so don't count as private.

Personally I would just say when she is back don't worry about x, y, z (work related) the IT manager did access to your email account so we sorted it out from there.....

That will probably be enough, she will know what her emails contain and probably be very nice to you!

LemonRedwood · 20/12/2018 16:58

I don't think you should have read what we're clearly private emails.

I don't think the colleague should have sent clearly private emails from a work account. No right to privacy there.

VictoriaBun · 20/12/2018 16:58

When she returns your manager might tell her that for work issues her emails were looked at. I should imagine that would suggest she will realise someone has possibly read them. If I were in your position I would ask her if she was well, say a Happy New year etc. Then just carry on with your work but be on a much more business like, work only conversations with her. I'm sure your actions will soon hit home .

Jebuschristchocolatebar · 20/12/2018 16:58

My organization warns you that no communication sent through your work email is private. We can access staff emails if required for disciplinary reasons

LemonRedwood · 20/12/2018 16:58

*Personally I would just say when she is back don't worry about x, y, z (work related) the IT manager did access to your email account so we sorted it out from there.....

That will probably be enough, she will know what her emails contain and probably be very nice to you!*

I think this is the right idea

namechange03 · 20/12/2018 16:59

With all social media, texts etc, I can't understand why she'd be sending emails like that from a work account about colleagues. Accident waiting to happen on her part.

ScreamingValenta · 20/12/2018 16:59

Emails disparaging others would normally be in breach of company policy, even if the policy allowed for personal use of company email. I would check your HR policies and handle it formally, as a breach of policy, by escalating it to your Team Leader. I'd avoid getting directly involved with the colleague - that's your manager's role.

I'm sorry you found something like this - it must feel terrible.

Cherries101 · 20/12/2018 16:59

Work emails aren’t private. Anyone can obtain access to them at any time and for any reason. In my workplace, gossiping about a colleague via email is classified as bullying and more often than not leads to a final warning.

ichifanny · 20/12/2018 17:00

You were given access through IT for work so you havent t done anything wrong I’d just let her know when she’s back that you and IT had to read doneand leave her to sweat .

CurlsLDN · 20/12/2018 17:02

Work emails should not be used for personal conversation (often outlined in staff handbook) and especially not for job hunting!

You were told by your employer to go through her emails, you have done nothing wrong.

You can either escalate this, as although she is entitled to personal opinion, she should not be using work time and channels to gossip about it.

Or you can let her know you had access to her emails, under instruction, and leave it at that and leave her to sweat.

Hopefully she'll leave soon!

Lettermethis · 20/12/2018 17:02

@LemonRedwood

I don't think the colleague should have sent clearly private emails from a work account. No right to privacy there.

Yeah. Actually. Mind changed. Definitely mention to her when she comes back that you've had to have access to her email account and see how she reacts.

Is there a HR department you can inform of her conduct and get advice from?

SheldonandPenny · 20/12/2018 17:02

That's hurtful! Sounds like you were very reasonable and that the team manager is quite decent. In which case she's mouthing off on work time on the work email account. Not very professional. You know the real her now. You have the upper hand and the moral high ground. When she returns she'll realise that you've had access to her email and she will probably panic. You can continue to act professionally and reasonably and let her sweat while she wonders what the fall out will be. She's entitled to her childish opinions of course. But you know the real her now. Hypocrits probably assume everyone else is the same. Whereas you sound quite straightforward. Tell her nothing about yourself and share no opinions. It's a pity you dont have a work buddy. I'd keep her at arms length but be pleasant.

Puggles123 · 20/12/2018 17:04

I’ve always worked under the assumption that any emails sent via work email are not private as such, she has been out of order to send them and it would surprise me that as well as being nasty it’s in breach of a policy.

needanappp · 20/12/2018 17:05

She shouldn't be using her work account to send personal emails anyway! I wouldn't approach her on it any more than letting her know you had to sort through her emails. She'll gather that you've seen them and probably shit herself. And she's no grounds to kick up a fuss about privacy invasion because the company can access an employees emails at any time!

ItIsChristmasTime · 20/12/2018 17:05

I really don't think the IT manager should have let you look through her emails, that seems very wrong to me.

They are work emails that are supposed to be for work related matters that were written/received during work time. It’s absolutely right for IT to provide access to work emails.

I agree about telling her you had access to her emails and have read them. Ask her if she would like to have a meeting to clear the air and make sure there is another colleague (or your line manager there) to confirm what is said so she cannot claim you are bullying/harassing her.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 20/12/2018 17:08

Strictly speaking, I'm not sure it was appropriate for you to read personal emails, assuming it was obvious they were personal, not work related. But I do understand why you did, and I'm sure most of us would have done the same. I certainly understand why you would feel hurt. I think if your colleague is aware that you have had access to her emails, and you become a bit more professional/less friendly towards her, she will realise why. I hope she does move on soon. That would be a lot easier for you.

jessstan2 · 20/12/2018 17:09

I do feel for you op, it's horrible when you find out someone you thought liked you is dissing you behind your back - not just you but your team leader too. I honestly don't know what you can do. Just be on your guard and carry on professionally. I hope the woman finds another job soon.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 20/12/2018 17:09

Actually, I really like this idea. Very assertive. Be prepared for her arguing that, although she was in the wrong using her work email to send personal emails, it was nonetheless unreasonable for you to read them, if they were clearly not intended for your eyes.

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 20/12/2018 17:11

Work emails are not private. We are told in our contracts that the company reserve the right so access your work emails at any time. I really feel for you op, it must have been difficult to read that, and I'm sure she'll be horrified when she finds out you have access to her emails, as she should. Try not to let it get to you.

Weebitawks · 20/12/2018 17:12

Work emails are not private. She obviously is a bit childish if she thinks that’s a sensible thing to do.

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