Would this be assault?

[crappygilmore]

Sorry if its a long one.
On Tuesday we went to watch our schools nativity/sing song. Whilst the nursery children were singing sweetly. One little girl picked up the girl Sat next to her's arm and kept doing the "stop hitting yourself " thing. The little girl being hit was visibly distressed and I could hear her saying ow your hurting me stop it. This kept up for almost an entire song before the dad jumped up and carried his crying daughter off stage. Now not at any point through this did any of the teachers do anything, say anything or stop this bully. I was shocked to say the least. The acting head ran after the dad saying "please Mr soandso don't leave " to which his reply was "well somone had to do something".
I don't know the family very well but the mum has always been kind and we chat at the gates sometimes. When I spoke to her the next day she was crying and had a difficult night with her dd who was refusing to go to school that day. Oh and it was her birthday too that day.
So my aibu is. What sort of mother watches her daughter do that to another child and A doesn't stop it and B doesn't seek the child's parents out and apologies?
The mum also told me the school arnt taking any action towards this incident and have recommended getting her daughter tested for asd! What the fuck she wasn't doing anything. Apparently this other girl has form for bullying and no-one has done anything about it.
I want to write to the board and express my disgust over this, but I feel it will fall on deaf ears.
Sorry for the rant.

In my experience schools are crap at dealing with bullies! If that was did be writing a letter to the governors asitsthen something the school HAVE to adress as OFSTED will want to see what action was taken.

So sad that the child's behaviour was allowed to continue. With such a lack of parental and teacher control, it's no wonder the child thinks such behaviour is acceptable.

If you feel able, I would contact the school to express your disgust, ask them what exactly their bullying policy is, and also ask the teacher why she thinks the behavior was acceptable.

I'd also tell your own child that if a child is picking on them or hitting them they are perfectly entitled to retaliate.

So these are 3/4 year olds? Are you sure the other parents even saw what was going on? Same for the teachers really. Maybe they didn't see or misinterpreted it as 2 kids mucking about together.

Who has told you this preschooler has 'form' for bullying? I would keep out of all this in all honesty. Lend a sympathetic ear, sure, but ramping up the drama isn't going to help anyone.

That's horrible. I would have removed my child without a backwards glance as well.

To answer the question in your title, no it's not "assault". From your OP it sounds like we're talking about preschool children so they are well below the age of criminal responsibility. That's not condoning the behaviour by the way, of course hitting isn't ok and if a member of staff saw it they should have stepped in.

As for your suggestion of writing to the board of governors then I wouldn't if I was you. Since neither child involved is actually yours it really is nothing to do with you. It will look as though you are fishing for gossip about the other child and trying to stir up trouble.

This isn't just about the two children though is it? It's about the teacher's lack of control of the situation. It is perfectly acceptable to write to the school about that, rather than about the children's behaviour. That is not fishing for gossip, that is commenting on witnessing poor teacher control.

If you have video footage of the incident then it could be used to shame them. I’m sure many a newspaper would be willing to put up the story.

Yes they are 3/4 year olds. The mother of the child doing it was Sat behind me with her mother. The child who was being hurt was two rows behind them. I know she has form because another child had to be moved to a different class because of her and well playground gossip. She is a child yes I know. But no-one picked her up on this. The teachers were all sat on the floor in front of them miming the words so in full view. I would've taken her out if it had been up to me. But it took a lot of restraint no to do something. My ds is far from perfect buy if he had pulled something like this I would've taken him out.

Yes their is video footage but the family don't want to post it yet as they need to edit out all the other children first. They are well aware of privacy issues and safeguarding. The mum of the hurt girl is also heavily pregnant and doesn't want serious stress through repercussions. The other family were called in to a meeting this am.

I was only asking if I should write I know they are not my children, but I am revolted by the teachers lack of help. If my child were in that situation and the best the head could come up with was get them assessed for asd. I'd go fucking nuts.

Ah. Playground gossip. Excellent. Many a small child has had their reputation completely trashed by that over the years...

Teachers sat in front miming so possibly focused on trying to get everyone to join in? Other parent behind you so potentially desperately trying to get her child's attention to stop her for all you know.

Maybe this is something, maybe it's nothing but engaging in playground gossip about a small child won't help the situation. Shit will get distorted and exaggerated. If you want to write a discreet letter to the board then fair enough but you really won't even be helping the injured party by chucking around words like assault and assuming the absolute worst of the other child and their parents.

With regards to the asd thing, do you really believe the conversation went:

Parent: I'm very unhappy with how my child was treated yesterday, she was very upset
Head: if she was upset she probably has asd

Or do you think perhaps there's a bit more to it than that? Seen as you weren't actually in the meeting?

@crappygilmour - I think it would be reasonable of you to write and express your disquiet at what you witnessed, and at the lack of action by the teachers.

eric their were at least 3 teachers in front of them . Yes the conversation did go something like that as the mum told me. And yes the girl has form ,reputation in this case is based on friends accounts not gossip.