To ask what you said to the doctor?

[Buttonsky]

This is really hard for me to write this but I feel like as this is anonymous I might be able to actually talk to people and get some advice.
I've been struggling with my mental health for years (although it's definitely getting worse). My son died ten years ago when he was 4 months old and I guess that's where it started.
I've never been to the doctor for help as I'm just so unsure what to say. I know that sounds silly but I genuinely have no idea. I went to see the gp about something else a few months back and geared myself up to say something but totally bottled it. I'm scared of being put on medication and I don't mean that disrespectfully to anyone who is I'm just a bit scared of it.
Sorry if this is posted on the wrong bit, I just figure more people might see it on AIBU.
Any advice appreciated, thank you.

Show him this message on this thread and take it from there.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I just told the doctor how I was feeling and what had triggered it (I had a miscarriage, and the cloud just never completely lifted). I was very calm and factual the whole time, which was odd as I was telling him that sometimes leaving the house or planning a meal felt impossible to the point of tears. Looking back, I have had long episodes of depression/anxiety several times previously but decided I was just “being weak” and self medicated with alcohol so I could sleep.

I spent what are meant to be the wild party years in a mental fog, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much time being ill. If it was an achey knee or something I’d have been straight to the Dr, but because it was my mind I let myself struggle needlessly.

Show him the message. It can actually be easier to show something which was written to someone else than was written directly to the GP.

Or, write down what happened and when, how you've felt since, what you feel you struggle with and so on. You can also write down that you aren't comfortable being medicated.

I've often written down things because I get tongue tied and mute sometimes.

Thank you @LuvSmallDogs.
Sorry for your loss too. What you are describing sounds so familiar. Some days I feel like the school run is a massive task.
What did the doctor do for you, if you don't mind me asking?

Doctors would prefer to read a note which covers all that you need to say, instead of watching you walk out the door after 10 minutes thinking "I have NO idea why that patient came to see me"

It's understandable to be scared at the idea of medication, but if you were in severe physical pain, would you accept painkillers?
You are in severe emotional pain, don't rule out medication but explain to the doctor that you would like to consider other approaches first

I honestly hadn't thought of writing it down. This is really helpful. I'm determined to make 2019 the year I get myself sorted.

Definitely write it down. The GP can then ask the relevant questions in full knowledge of exactly why you're there.

I wrote it all down and gave it to the GP at my appointment. She said it was really helpful, as people sometimes clam up when they're there.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I approached my GP about my mental health 3 years ago for the first time. As soon as I started to talk I broke down in tears. As it was she was a student with my normal GP sat at the back observing. She was lovely. Gently asked me questions, passed me tissues. My GP then pushed me a little further, I think perhaps she felt she had to intervene to take the questioning in a different direction. They were both lovely. They made an emergency appointment at the psychiatrist for me and put me on antidepressants which I’d never been on before. They really helped, although I did not want to go on them, at this stage I knew I needed something.

3 years down the line, I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar and generalised anxiety disorder. I am on lithium daily.

I feel like a completely different person. I could kick myself that I struggled for around 16 years, put my family through hell with my moods, although I flew high at work.

Visiting my GP that day was the best thing I ever did. I dont care who knows my diagnosis, it’s part of me. But now I have an answer as to why I behave in a certain way and I know when my mood goes up or down it’s not going to last forever.

Please do visit your GP. As pp have said, show him this thread on your phone, or write it down. Drs know we sometimes get scared and forget things, so writing things down is common.

You’ve done the hardest thing- you’ve admitted to yourself you need help. Please believe me it gets easier from here. Also you are in control, so if you are offered medication and don’t want to take it, that is your decision, it won’t be forced upon you. Good Luck

I’ve done the writing it down thing.

I’ve also walked in sand simply said ‘I’m not coping’

Don’t be afraid of medication, but also don’t fear that they’ll pressure you to take it. There are other options like the link nurse (if your surgery has one), cbt or even the dreaded ‘google this’

Make sure you go to see a doctor you’re comfortable with. I’ll see most of the doctors at my surgery but there are only two i’d go to about mental health.

Thanks everyone. I'm glad I asked.
I'm not familiar with any of the doctors in my practice so I'll just have to hope I get someone understanding.

It might be worth when you ring up asking if they have a mental health lead or their website might have that info if you don’t want to have to explain anything on the phone.

OP there is likely a self referral option for talking therapies in your area. Hopefully your GP appointment goes well and you come up with a plan together that you have confidence in.
If not don’t stop there, ask about a referral to talking therapies and what support is in your area. There are often lots of options.
I’m so so sorry that your son died. If you want , to please tell us about him.

I was going to say about the self-referral, too, but above poster beat me to it. You could google your area and IAPT (improved access to psychological therapies), and there will probably be information on how to go about self-referring. It sounds like you could really do with having someone professional to talk with and get some help.

As to what to say to the GP, I've always struggled with getting a bit tongue-tied when I'm unwell, and best laid plans go awry once I'm actually sitting face to face with my GP, as nice as she is. What I tend to do is write a quick note. Just little bullet points of what I'm struggling with, eg. "Feel very down right now. Not sleeping well. No energy to do things. Lots of intrusive negative thoughts." That kind of stuff. It's something I can just hand the GP and know the basics are getting across. She'll usually ask some more questions based on that. Good luck!

Thanks, I've never heard of this so will definitely look into it and ask at the surgery.
I've had compelling twice in the past (once on my own and once with my DH). Really hated it and think it made me worse. But that was years ago so maybe it would be different now more time has passed.
I do appreciate everyone taking the time to comment and it certainly helps to even talk about it on here.