To keep track and check my DH bank statements?

[SelfishAsreHole]

have name changed for this.

Let me start off by saying in all other terms my Husband is fantastic normally hes very hands on with the kids, we get on fantastic have no real problems and make a great team.

Hes always liked a little gamble before we had kids there were times he over spent by a long shot but he always admitted it after and sorted it out weve set limits and self banned ect.

Now I kept getting emails from a gamble site that I play bingo on once in a blue moon. I was aware he used this account every now and again and for what I thought was £10 a week on the limit.

My spidy sensors were up about it this morning so I logged in and seen hes put £160 in 3 weeks won jack shit. Now ordinarily I wouldnt give a shit if he wants to throw his money up the wall he can.

This is the catch he has made out to me he is skint weve just got a new car which was then vandalised which cost a few quid to fix so we are still playing catch up a bit so I thought. So this Christmas I have saved hard and got EVERYTHING presents for family the DCs and we are hosting Christmas dinner too which didnt come cheap. To put things in perspective we are both on minimum wage so whilst we dont struggle we well normally budget really well and are careful with money.

I confronted him this morning and he admitted it and said hes spent about 100 on other sites and a few quid on footy bets ect. Then I get the whole your feeling sorry for himself shit trying to turn it around saying stop giving him shit its an illness. I shut down that shit straight away! Arsehole! To be fair he did try to admit it a few weeks ago he sat me down and said I think ive got a gambling problem and we looked at a few help sites and he then really down played it all and I thought hes just come close to a win and is pissed off at him self maybe.

He said he tried to tell me and got embrassed about it and is now glad hes been found out as such. I just feel a mug Ive been really saving hard and hes all sod it feels like he thinks arhh she will pay never mind. Even though he earns more than me I only work part time.

I have told him to ban gamble sites on his online bank app which he has but it can be turned on again very easy so I want to check his statements monthly but I dont want to be that wife I dont want to not trust my husband am I being too harsh?

I knew somethings not been right for a while now i know why.

AIBU checking up on him like this?

Under the circumstances I don't think you ABU. Do it for a year to see how you get on, also get him some help, because it is an addiction.

What kind of help is available? I seen online CBT is good for gambling but how do you go about getting it do you go the doctors? Do you pay privately to see a counsellor?

Something needs to be done I do feel if we dont nip this in this bud it will get worse.

I dont think you're being unreasonable, I'm sorry you have to deal with this

Check out Gamcare www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/partners-friends-and-family

Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I would do two things:

1. Call the National Gambling helpline. From here you can access free support for both you and your partner.

www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/frontline-services/helpline

1. Get him to register on Gamstop which is a way of banning himself from almost all online gambling in Britain.

www.gamstop.co.uk

And to answer your question, no you are not unreasonable to track his expenditure. The nature of addiction will mean that he lies, even when he is ashamed.

I hope you can get through this.

them links are fantastic thank you all so much ive sent him those links and told him to sign up.

Another option would be to have salaries paid to you then gove him a weekly allowance

I couldn't do that to him letsdolunch321 hes normally so good with money which is why am annoyed. At the same time he needs to learn to sort his own shit and juggle his own money again with out me doling out his money to him. I will support him with it but dont want to take over his finances. Hes a grown ass man time he started acting like it. [santa]

I've just been through something similar but on a much bigger scale. Having gone back and checked bank statements it started out as you described but ended up being up to £300 a day. I only found out when I found a loan agreement for £1000. Turns out it was actually £15,000 in loans and around £8000 from the joint account. There was only around £300 left the day I find out

You really need to nip this in the bud now before it escalates. I have sole access to the joint account now and also online access to my partners account which he has given me.

I'm not really sure what advice to offer as it needs to come from him, not you. But you really need to make sure you protect yourself financially. I have seen the effects gambling has had on others and it can be absolutely devastating for all involved

he has an addiction and he needs to get proper help for it.
You need to quit the bingo too!