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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mom's group exclusion

19 replies

Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 07:33

Hi ladies,
I'm new here. I'm expecting my second child in May and have a 19 month old son. I have a friend who is also a stay at home mom, who had been inviting me along to brunches and ladies dinner nights with a group of her mom friends before I had my first baby. When I got pregnant, the invites all of a sudden ceased. She still continued to to want to make plans with me, and we still hung out one on one, but she stopped inviting me to the ladies dinners and brunches. I got along great with the group, and I've had plenty of individual messaging convos with some of the ladies in that group since and there doesnt seem to be any dislike from them. She keeps posting photos of dinners and brunches with them on social media and I can't help but feel super hurt and left out as I really would have liked to be included. Especially being a stay at home mom and having little adult interaction. I just don't understand why when I got pregnant the invites and inclusion ceased when they are all moms? It would make sense if they didn't have kids, as it's pretty common for that to happen, but I have more in common with them all now than I even did before. I feel like a high school girl getting left out of team pick in gym class. Any advice on what to do? Should I move on? Or try to reconnect somehow? I'm introverted so I don't really have any other mom groups to hang with.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 20/12/2018 07:36

Do you ever have a brunch or dinner at your place?

Maybe she's tired of doing all the hosting?

Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 07:39

The brunches and dinners are all at restaurants and I'm pretty sure she doesn't always plan them :( it's a group of girls who go out together regularly and she just stopped asking me to go with her and only makes plans with me solo now :(

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 20/12/2018 07:40

Could she be having problems getting pregnant/staying pregnant?

Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 07:43

Hmmm, she's already got 2 but she had to use fertility drugs with those pregnancies. Maybe she's trying for a 3rd and is? I never thought of that. I have never asked her if she wants 3. However one of the other girls was pregnant and she still hung with her at the brunches and dinners. And she still invited me to solo plans. Just stopped inviting me to the get togethers. I've been racking my brain as to whether I may have said something to offend someone, but I'm pretty sure I didnt? I'm very polite in general.

OP posts:
Copperbonnet · 20/12/2018 07:45

That would imply that you have (perhaps inadvertently) upset someone else in the group.

Augusta2012 · 20/12/2018 07:47

Maybe she thinks you wanted to Wendy her?

Chloe84 · 20/12/2018 07:48

Oh I see, in that case I would ask her.

Maybe she thinks you prefer tete a tetes.

You could say 'I really used to enjoy the ladies' nights dinner, and it would be fun to see everyone again. Could I come along to the next one? Happy to help organise as well.'

Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 07:50

That's what I'm thinking, just no clue which one. Should I just ask my friend? Or would that come off as prying? I mean, I'm not a fan of being places or around ppl when I'm not wanted. It would be uncomfortable.

OP posts:
Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 07:52

Hosting is a good idea. I'll try offering that. I'm a terrible cook but I'll give it a shot lol.

OP posts:
Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 07:53

Oh what's Wendy her mean?

OP posts:
MidiMitch · 20/12/2018 07:53

I'd just ask. FWIW I'd be massively hurt too x

OoohAyyye · 20/12/2018 07:55

I'd arrange something with her and ask her then.

Holidayshopping · 20/12/2018 07:57

Why don’t you ask her?

Maelstrop · 20/12/2018 07:58

Wendy her=taking her friends for yourself and edging her out.

CrazyOldBagLady · 20/12/2018 07:59

Can't you just say something like "Is there another mum's brunch coming up soon? I really enjoyed the last one but it's been a while now and I'd love to join the next one". How are they organising these, is there a Facebook or WhatsApp group you can ask to join?

Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 08:00

Oooooh. Omg I would never do that. I hope she wouldn't be worried about that :(

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/12/2018 08:00

To Wendy is to be introduced to a friendship group or pair, then slowly edge out the person who introduced you in

Plantbasedmamma · 20/12/2018 08:01

I'll def ask her. I'm. Not sure how they get arranged to be honest. I'll try to find out :) Good idea

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 20/12/2018 10:16

Could you arrange to do things with the friends you met from the group? Do you also go to baby/ toddler groups where you can meet other friends?

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