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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to only put £100 towards a new car

16 replies

bigglesboy · 20/12/2018 05:37

I've been married for a couple of years. I own a car. I chose it, bought it outright, it is in my name and I have always paid all costs for tax, insurance etc with the exception of fuel. I normally need it to drive to work every day but my husband and I otherwise share it's use equally and I refer to it as 'our' car. I've been on mat leave for the past year and so my husband has used the car daily to drive to work (he moved jobs) and I've only used it a handful of times.

Originally, we'd planned to get a bigger, family friendly second car in a few years time. However as I need to go back to work and use the car again daily, we've had to expedite that. This car was going to be primarily used by my husband and will be in his name. This is also going to be the car used to take our son to and from nursery daily. DH found a car that he thought we should consider. £800,3 door, pretty old, >150k on clock. I nearly had kittens as I was worried about the safety of my son being in that car daily and that a 3 door car will be a pain fishing a child in and out. DH said that the only reason that he was considering such a small car was that we couldn't afford much more. His budget for a new car was £1500. I had saved up money for maternity leave and have been pretty frugal and so have savings left. I said I would match his contribution, giving us a budget of 3K. We were asking my parents for advise about cars and they were also worried about us getting an old banger and very generously they offered to contribute 7k to a new car and transferred the money to my account. This completely changed what we could afford, we decided to look at larger more family friendly cars and my husband chose the particular model that he thought we should go for. I've spent the past couple of weeks doing research and made a shorlist of cars that meet our requirements and will come in under budget including the initial outlay of tax and insurance. My husband vetoed everyone as too expensive. It turns out that he now only feels he can afford to contribute £100 to both buying and insuring the new car and that we should get something much cheaper and suggested using my parents contribution towards something else. I've put my foot down and said that I will return any money not spent on a car to my parents as that is why they gave it to us-he agreed. He now thinks that we should then only use the money that they given us to buy, insure and tax a new vehicle. The whole thing and his unwillingness to contribute has really made me uncomfortable. I feel quite close to returning my parents money and just leaving him to his own devices to buy the car he originally planned.

OP posts:
Pachyderm1 · 20/12/2018 05:40

YANBU, if it’s going to primarily be his car then he shouldn’t be trying to wriggle out of paying a fair contribution.

PurpleFlower1983 · 20/12/2018 05:49

I would buy a car for £7k and let your husband tax and insure it.

ChristmasFlary · 20/12/2018 05:52

Are you keeping your own car or selling it?

Your parent's gave you the extremely generous amount for a car not for anything else.

If you still have your car, could he have that and you get the new one. Make sure it's all in your name no matter who ends up driving it.

brighteyeowl17 · 20/12/2018 06:46

Agree with the keep it in your name poster. Seems a little odd he now won’t contribute fully.

bigglesboy · 20/12/2018 09:47

Thanks for the replies.

I need to hang on to the car to drive to work myself. His original suggestion, before my parents offer, had been for us to switch cars. So I take the £800 old banger to work and he would then use my car if I was unhappy with our son being in that car, which is a solution which didn't fill me with glee.

I don't get it either but it is a situation which has made me feel uneasy.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 20/12/2018 09:50

I would use your parents generous £7k to buy yourself a new car and put it in your name and dh can buy himself the old banger if he’s so not fussed about it all....!

Nothisispatrick · 20/12/2018 09:50

He is definitely U! Get a decent car for 7k, I have a shitty banger and I hate taking DD in it. Peace of mind and safety are most important.

Jamiefraserskilt · 20/12/2018 09:54

Stick to the plan. The money is for a safe car for you all to use.
His argument is ridiculous.

Holidayshopping · 20/12/2018 09:58

Why doesn’t he carry on using the first car and you use the £7000 to buy a car for you?

Is he normally such an arse?

Racecardriver · 20/12/2018 09:58

Sell your current car and use that plus what you had plus what your parents gave to buy a car for yourself and for family days out. Let him sort out his own car.

whywhywhywhywhyyy · 20/12/2018 09:59

Get a decent car with the £7k, it's what your parents explicitly said they were contributing towards. I would 100% keep both cars in your name though, and get DH to insure himself on whichever he's driving if he isn't contributing anything towards buying.

Reliability is the most important thing. Get a decent Honda Civic or something.

Yearofthemum · 20/12/2018 10:03

He is an arse. Tell him that unless he coughs up a bit from his own savings just as you and your parents have, there will be no car. Mean it.

Obviously if he pays all the bills and has no savings , that's different.

StillMe1 · 20/12/2018 10:09

My first question is if your parents have contributed £7K towards a car for your DC to be transported in but also to use for OH to get to work, how much have his parents contributed to the fund?
It is admirable that your parents want to help you but I would be concerned that he has dropped his contribution to £100. I would wonder if he plans to live off your parents.
Just because a car is old does not mean that it is unsafe.

This situation rings alarm bells with me. Too many folks expect too much from parents but in this case apparently only one set of parents.

trojanpony · 20/12/2018 10:13

Yanbu

Your parents cash, you pick the car.
And yes to both cars in your name.

His notion is mad... How long is the “Insure and tax” money supposed to be for? 1yr? 3 yrs?
Suppose I assume I want to factor in insurance and tax for 10 years??? That leaves you with little/no money for the actual car.

Delighted you put your foot down on this.
You should have £7.8k to buy a new car...
I would, at most, give the compromise of you get nice new car and sell your old car. He gets the value of this sale to add to his original £800 and he gets something for himself.

RB68 · 20/12/2018 10:14

I think you have issues beyond the car and purchasing it. You need to be sharing finances more equally. Why did you have to "save up" for maternity - where was his contribution.

I think a better way of handling things is all in one pot and equal spends each with everything else used as family money I can see no justification for you having to bear all child costs, all car costs which he has access to and not understanding why he can't find any money - what exactly is he prioritising over family

LizzieSiddal · 20/12/2018 10:14

Yanbu

Your H sounds more concerned about penny pinching than using the very kind 7K, for what it was intended for.

Does he behave in such a ridiculous, mean way in other areas of life?

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