Christmas with partner and her ex

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My partner split with her ex last year and we've been together a year. She has two children to him but gradually over the past few months he's been seeing less and less of the kids. He has drink problems and hasn't been able to hold down a regular job and wad recently evicted from his home. There is no formal agreement between him and the mum over the kids but she is always chasing after him to meet the kids at times and days he's previously agreed. In short he doesn't take his role serious at all and regularly let's the kids down, to the point the 7 year old is question why his dad isn't picking him up from school as previously agreed. My partner kicked him out because he never cared for her or the boys and his actions after they've split prove he still doesn't care. I had planned to spend Christmas with her and the children, I bought the kids their presents and we had arranged to spend Christmas together and he would take the children just after Christmas day but he recently lost his job and house due to his drinking and told my partner he wanted to kill himself after he met the children down on two occasions. We agreed she should tell his family so the responsibility is on them but she was speaking to him tonight and invited him into the house to see the boys for an hour. I love the kids and want what's best for them but I know he will.continue to let them down. He's living with his girlfriend or extended family members due to his behaviour. His own immediate family won't speak to him because of his actions yet my partner invited him to the house on Christmas day for an hour. Am I wrong to think this situation is wrong? I could understand if he was a dedicated father but he isn't. I feel like hes trying to interrupt our Christmas. The kids spent years in that house with him and he never cared. he doesn't care enough to sort himself out enough to hold down a job and now he wants to come into the house I'm trying to create a new life with my partner and boys. I've no problem him seeing the boys but he doesn't care enough to see them regularly when he should and now I feel he's manipulating my partner to weasel his way into the house on Christmas day. I wonder how that will affe t the kids because they already question why he's at the house when picking them up unannounced so how is their dad being back at their family home.on Christmas day going to affect them? I'm upset my ex gives him unlimited chances to let the kids down and he doesn't care yet I've been doing everything I can to provide and make a happy Christmas for us and the boys and as this is our first Christmas together I wanted it to be special but with things as they currently are I'm the bad guy somehow for speaking up and trying to find a solution and explain how I don't thi k this situation is right.

Advice appreciated please. I'm at a loss

I think she's trying to do the right thing for her kids and, as much as its annoying having him around on Xmas day, Xmas is about the kids, so I'd just step back for that hour and let him get on with it.

I spend all day on Xmas with my ex here and my DP spends it at his house with his ex and their kids. It's not ideal and sometimes I do struggle with it, but its only one day, so we do it for our children.

I feel like having good boundaries is important so that the children know what's what, so my ex and I have quite a business-like arrangement. He does come here to see them as he doesn't have anywhere suitable for them to stay, but he always asks first, and knocks at the door rather than just walking in.

DP is very much more laid back about it all, his ex just pops in whenever she likes, and he doesn't consider that it might send the wrong messages to their kids about things when they spend time together. I can't see that an hour would be a big issue, when he's not there the rest of the time.

Of course there's a fair chance he won't show, so I'd make sure the kids know its a 'maybe' so they're not too disappointed if he doesn't come.

I can't see that an hour would be a big issue, when he's not there the rest of the time. in your case.

This is nothing to do with you. These are his kids, not yours...you are a new boyfriend. You know nothing about the reality of their relationship and past.

You’re playing lip service at wanting what is best for your kids, but I don’t think you really care. You’ve only been together a year. Their parents haven’t been split up long. That’s an awful lot for small children to process. The last thing they need is some stranger to waltz in and try to replace their father when they’re already confused and interfere in the relationships with their parents.

He could be the worst parent in the world, it still wouldn’t justify getting over involved with these children so quickly and intensely when it could really damage them long term.

You're not their dad. You wouldn't want to pay maintenance if you broke up with her. If you seperated you would just leave. That's the truth. You just want to feel like a good guy. "I can take care of these kids better than the other guy!".

Their dad is their dad for all of their lives. Or for as long as he lives. You can't change that and trying to make up for his failings is not the way to go. Just be who you are not some replacement wonder dad.

My sons dad comes to mine every Christmas morning to give ds his presents and enjoy seeing him opening them.
Sometimes I go to the pub, sometimes I stay home and make myself busy.
That happens regardless of who else is here.
My ex, lived with me and ds for 3years. He didn't have a problem with sons dad being here and I would have been unimpressed if he had dictated to me how I do Christmas for my child.
Its about what is best for the kids and seeing daddy on Christmas day for an hour can't hurt.
This is really none of your business and certainly not your decision to make..
Don't fall out with your partner over it, she's doing her best in a less than ideal situation.