Help needed with abusive ex and court order

[Brandnewshit]

I've had enough of dealing with my abusive ex, we've been split 2.5 years.
He was abusive In the relationship, police involvement it's all documented.
I saw a solicitor a couple of month and police after he was still being abusive and making silly threats by email.
He's blocked on every method of communication apart from a designated email account.
Solicitor is a bit useless, still hasn't let me know if i qualify for legal aid, women's aid gave me a list to ring and they were the first I rang.
Anyway I'm going to ring them again tomorrow.
Police have agreed what he is doing is threatening.
But they advised me to see a solicitor
So I want a court order, o don't want to restrict access, but I want dates set in place as arranging Xmas has turned nasty.
I grey rock him, this engrages him
I don't want to ever speak or deal with him again.
If I don't qualify for legal aid, how do I do this

From what you have said, you will qualify for LA.

BUT - a few questions - you say that the children are old enough to make their own decisions and that he is "brainwashing your son". Is there any chance that he would persuade your son/children to say they want to live with him? Because at their ages, they could be listened to.

From my experience, the tightest court order does not stop unpleasant communication. I have in my CAO that all communication must be in writing, only factual and only relating to DC. I am still receiving abusive messages. Unfortunately, it's not considered a big enough deal by anyone as there are no physical threats to my person. If you have received threats to your person and the police have advised a solicitor, are thye advising a CAO or something else?

I am petrified he will influence them to go with him, especially my son.
My ex had a bad childhood he was abandoned by his mum, when he was approx 11.
He grew up hating her.
His dad and step mum weren't much better.
It seems normal to him to grow up hating females. He actually told me this.
He had counselling and specially asked for a male counsellor as he doesn't trust women.
It seems like he is trying to project on to my son, daughter not so much.
The police have had words with him before, he received a PIN order which he ripped up and breached by contacting me and my parents.
Police have said that they would possibly bring him in and speak to him again, but as it's not clear cut harassment it's linked to communication regarding access etc CAO is my best bet

He is clever in how he does it.
Kind of toeing the line, but occasionally his mask slips

It sounds classic brand-new its all highly manipulative and devious.

The police are letting you down, its an arrestable offence, but then so is breaking court orders,but they dontbarresy for breaches of those either.

In all honesty I'm not sure if they're worth the paper they're written on,and tbh, it can be a lot more dangerous after leaving for you and the DC.

Any instance of a breach is supposed to be arrestable, but when it comes down to it they seriously let the off the hook.

I hope you can get through to RoW, as they are free legal advice for your situation and are solicitors and barristers, so its valuable legal advice.

Keep recording everything, both with WA and police to build a complete picture of evidence demonstrating a pattern of behaviour.

Have you spoken to NCDV?

No, I'm going to try them tomorrow.
It's a bad time of year I suppose to be contacting agencies.
It's all just come to a head with this Xmas arranging.
I do feel the police have let me down.
One officer said to me 2.5 years ago, just ignore him.
If I had day there black and blue they would have taken it more seriously.
I had 2 years worth of evidence of co ervice control, emails, call recordings but because it wasn't physical abuse they simply told me to ignore.
Apart from one police officer who listened to a phone call recording where he was screaming abuse.
He said he hasn't actually broken a law but I'm going to have a word of the record and tell him that the way he spoke to you is disgusting.

Ex won't even comprehend that it abuse, he said I wanted police time, we simply argued a lot.
He really doesn't think the way he behaved and continues to is wrong.
I'm talking things like following me, recording me in the house before he left, after he left ringing my mum and neighbours to tell them I'm a slag.
It's all very misogynistic the names, slag, hysterical, psycho, slut etc
He at one point sent photos of me to someone he was taking to online, but I have no evidence of this now. I had screen shots etc but I lost that phone.
Although it is on record I reported it 2.5 yrs ago, but didn't want to take it further at that time.

Sorry for typos

It's on record that's good. NCDV can get order in 24/hrs if need be.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Coercive control absolutely is illegal, its common to not want to pursue any charges at the time.

Police still don't have sufficient training and you hear appalling lack of police action even around rapes.

Has he raped you? No need to answer but its worth speaking to rape crisis, if so. He just sounds like he is a perfect fit for a rapist, using his male power and control to debase you. I hope you haven't experienced this but most have and again its vital to get help and report it all, even historically.

I hope you get some progress soon.

I am sorry, but yes, its what I would have expected of him and yes, now you write it you fully realise what it is

It does really matter as he raped you anally and caused harm. You made it really clear.

It's serious, it shows everyone whonhe is and you should not feel the need to protect him from his acts of sexual violence against you.

By not telling the dc who he really is prevents them from protecting themselves and forming their own safe judgements.

Protect you and your DC, but not him.

Call rape crisis, talk it through, they are lovely supportive women who are very wise and experienced. You will certainly not be forced to do or say anything, but it will start you recovering from this.

You can fill in an online form to report it, without any follow up, if you want. It just means that there is evidence support who he is. Also if a future woman wanted to check into him they have a right now to find this information for their own protection, even if nothing happens to him

Another incident was when he sent intimate photos of me to some random female he was talking to online.
I have no proof as I lost that phone where I had screen shots.
I do have it on record that I told police, in the presence of my dad, who came with me in support with me to police station, to actually say it in front of my dad was mortifying.
I didn't want to persue it at that time.
See he will just deny it and since I have no faith in the police what's the point of bringing it up again

Wow, when I read that back I'm actually angry with myself.
Why don't I think I'm worthy of being believed.
Why do I care more about him being punished than getting it all out and telling someone officially.

I've actually sat and read through SS report again tonight I requested a few months ago that I requested under the freedom on information act.
He actually reported me to SS as being a sex addict.
It was ridiculous. And the more I process it, and type it out the crazier it all sounds.
I think I've underplayed it all.
I believed everything he said.
I can't fucking sit and tell a solicitor or police officer this.

It's all just coming spilling out.
I'm sorry

Thank you for believing me x

Just keep.going with it, and keep talking to services and police.

I'm glad you have opened the doors now, and your eyes!