Sister has little to do with me.

[Northsea]

My sister seems to want so little to do with me. We're in our late 30's and live within a mile of eachother. I've always been kind to her and we've never been on bad terms or fallen out but her remoteness is increasing. She has had a boyfriend for 12 years and I've met him once which was when I invited him to my wedding as her partner.
He seemed a very nice, sociable man.
Over the years she has been to many of my social events and invited to my house for dinner, bbqs etc. I've never been invited to her house or any evening out. She's never instigated any meet up between the two of us - we have been out shopping / for drinks but always instigated by me.
I know she has friends but I've never met any of them. She was present at the birth of my first child. I've included her in my life but she lives her life with her friends and boyfriend as if I don't exist.
Gradually she has been ignoring my messages and has not replied to an invitation to my home over the Christmas period. Perhaps she doesn't like me. I don't know. Aibu if I stop trying to include her in my life and let her be a stranger, as she seems to want to be?

Could she be depressed? What is your parents take on this?
I expect this situation is making you feel quite sad and bewildered x

More likely that she resents you for some reason. Are you cleverer or more attractive? More successful? Your parents’ favourite?

You can’t do anything about her behaviour. Just withdraw. Stop making all the running. It’s making you unhappy. Spend more time with your real friends. Your sister’s behaviour towards you isn’t your problem, it’s hers.

Is her boyfriend stopping her from seeing you and trying to isolate her? Does she see your parents and old friends often?

Unless you know of an obvious problem, I would leave it and wait for her to get in contact with me.

Have you asked her why she keeps you at arms length?
What do your parents make of it?

I don't think you should give up or stop contacting.
You're lucky to have a sister, I would have loved to have a sister. Give in another chance.

Maybe ask if you could pop by for a visit? She might not think you'd want to come to her, for whatever reason.

Maybe she doesn't realise how lazy she is with contact. Or perhaps being controlled by her partner?

Our dad died several years ago. Our mum meets with her regularly to go walking or shopping but sis doesn't take her boyfriend to see our mum either. Her boyfriend was very friendly and laid back when I met him.

Ask her

I would also take a temporary step back and see what happens . As a PP said it’s very painful and confusing .

Short term focus on people that do value you and have a think how you want to handle it . Take some of the power back

It sounds as if she is treating you like a friend who wants to spend more time together than she wants.

The amount of contact that you instigate is as much as she is interested in having, so she won't suggest that you spend more time together than that.

She doesn't necessarily want to never see you, but she is not as interested in you as you are in her.

Not all sisters have a particularly special bond.

I dont have much to do with ny sisters. I just dont have anything in common with them so am stuck for conversation and one i find irritating so spending time with her is a trial. Some people just dont get on, shared genetics is not a garantee.

When did you invite her for Christmas? If it's more than a fortnight ago then I think you would be entitled to ring and ask her what is going on? Say (in a pleasant way) something like you'd like to see her over the holidays but you realise you are the one who always initiaties contact; if there's a problem could you talk about it?

initiates

Maybe she just doesn't want to be as close to you as you want to be to her. I'm not close with my siblings, we're just not. I wouldn't have them at my births and see them a couple of times a year.

Is there something you've got that she may be jealous of? It sounds like she limits her time with you and let you initiate- as if she couldn't handle doing much more.

Ask her. Chase up the invite. Be prepared to hear things you haven’t thought of, like she doesn’t think you have anything in common.
I have three sisters. All older. Haven’t seen any of them for over thirty years. I don’t think we have anything in common at all. But – this is important – if any of them had ever bothered to ask me, I’d be more than happy to talk to them about it. But they don’t. Which, for me, just confirms that they are not remotely interested in who I am as a person. So here we are, older and estranged. I don’t miss them, but I do know there’s been a certain bewilderment on their part as to ‘what went wrong’.
Just not enough to consider the radical solution of asking me, apparently.
So ask! But in an open way, not a disgruntled, blaming way. She’s absolutely allowed not to enjoy your company, you know. To be a different kind of person.

I agree with Nerr, in the nicest possible way.

I wouldn’t describe myself as being close to my (3) siblings. Two of them (F) are DT’s and IMO it’s difficult being the older sibling of DT’s because of the bond they have with each other. I see them on birthdays/anniversaries etc but we don’t actively seek out each other’s company, we are all very different people and don’t actually have much in common, having said that if any of them were in trouble I’d be there like a shot to try and help.

I wouldn’t force it, but I do think your DSis is BU and rude not even to answer your messages at all.

I would also send a fast text saying ‘hey as not heard re Xmas I assume not coming . Have a good one and take care ‘

Then plan around the people that do care and make you feel good . I am not assuming she doesn’t care . But it’s making you feel bad . I had this a bit in my family but the gap closed but it did necessiate me stepping back in a major way and focussing my love elsewhere

I'm not close to my sister at all we are so different, chalk and cheese but if there is an invitation for a family event we will both attend but don't really speak to one another apart from pleasantries. I'm use to it and as it's the way it's always been and we are both early 30s.

I think I’d ask her.

Zombie thread.

Do you want to start a new one?

I would leave it and probably not ask her

i think you can have a fullfilled without having a close relationship with sister or indeed any relationship at all

Grrrrr ZOMBIE