To move my DD away from her friends.

[Rosehip345]

DD is in yr5.
We live next to an outstanding secondary school but my DD still goes to her primary school that is not a feeder school. When we moved we kept her at this school as it’s not too far to travel and keep a bit of consistency whilst moving.
The secondary schools admissions policy at the time was on location but they’ve now released that from next year they will be only taking children from a selection of primary schools (DDs not being one of them).
It doesn’t help that her primary school she’s at is crap, she’s literally only there because her friends are there, and the school it will now feed into has just been taken over due to being in special measures.
So AIBU to move her to a decent feeder school for the closer outstanding secondary despite it meaning moving her away from friends, or do we keep her where she is and accept she’ll go to the school that will hopefully improve drastically?

YANBU. Move her. She can still see old friends if she wants to.

Tough one but i would move her. She may not even stay friends with her current ones if they went the same secondary school.

Move her. Friendship groups change and evolve massively at secondary anyway.

Would you move her if you knew it had the potential to knock her confidence massively? This is a huge factor for us as we moved her for yr3 and she went so sullen and her work plummeted. We moved her back after a year as it was terrible, we knew the school was crap already but figured she’d be more equipped to move at 11, especially as she would have gone up with others anyway. Since she’s been back with her friends everything has been back to normal.

What about other factors, such as distance/journey to the further away school? Will she be able to travel there on her own, and how easy will it be to keep up with friends there out of school, once parents aren't facilitating?

And yes, I wouldn't encourage her to assume that friendship groups will stay the same once they go up to secondary.

In theory yes move her. But will it actually be possible. Do the other schools have places. How many other parents will want to move their children.

Move her. No doubt.

well, at year 5 she can understand a lot of this.
Sit her down and say that unless you move, she cannot go to the secondary. The alternatve secondary is crap. Secondary school is veyr important, and she needs to go to a good one.

Explain that in order to go, she has to move schools.
Talk about saying goodbye and how you will do that, maybe a good bye party etc.

My dd took the 11+, all through year 5 she and I had conversations about why. Our local non grammar is crap, I talked with her about some of the things a secondary needs and how we were looking for somewhere which could give them. We had 2 schools, one grammar, one not, and made it clear that the local one, where lots of her friends will go is not an option.

She did understand.

I'd definitely move her.

Definitely move her. None of her friends from her old school will be at the good secondary if it’s not a feeder school. If she starts a new school now she has a chance to make some new friends before secondary.

It depends how friendly she is with her "friends". If she's genuinely close with them and it's not just "my classmates are okay", I'd keep her in the less academic school stream. On the proviso that she studies very hard and possibly does some afterschool studies too. The last school move (for Y3) sounds like it was awful for her. Clever kids will shine anywhere if they study hard. You can buy in workbooks and tutors but you cannot buy friendships. x

Clever kids will shine anywhere if they study hard.

sorry, but this is just not true, all schools are not the same.

Simple example - school in special measres, staff morale low, massice ofsted input, constant criticism of staff. So lots of staff leave, move on to other jobs. That leaves huge gaps. For example there may be NO maths teacher available, so the maths lessons are covered by other teachers. So your child, with all the best will in the world, is not being taught maths by someone who knows how to teach maths.

workbooks etc do not cut it when the basics are not being covered.
In a school in special measures, families who can move kids away, and so the number of involved concerned parents goes down.
Behaviour issues rise.

Don't believe me? Watch the school program from BBC 2. It is shocking.

also, most kids re-sort their friendships in year 7. So they go up with friends and by the end of year 7 they have new friends and their olds friends ar estill there, but no longer the day to day friends they spend time with

Outstanding ofsted really isn't everything. Our local outstanding secondary has been pulled down to good in the last few weeks because of attendance figures.

I actually agree with all your comments which explains how conflicted I feel. My husband is a wet lettuce and will simply nod and agree with everything, so not much help at all.
Her friends are those she’s had since birth and are my friends kids so they’re a very close bunch. They’re aware the schools are crap but are more of the ‘as long as they’re happy’ mindset.

Our outstanding has been for as long as I can remember, the crap one has also been for as long as I can remember until it has finally hit rock bottom and gone into special measures

Move her,life will be simpler with no traveling to secondary school Inthe future.Talk to her,don't fold if herwork suffers the whole last year in primary is prep for sats.In year7 she will make other friends and lots of her friends since birth will be outgrown.

I agree ofsted outstanding isn't everything, and I do take ofsted ratings with a pinch of salt.
most well supported children will do fine at most schools.

But bad school is rubbish, and it really will effect your children

We moved back to England at the end of the last school year, my eldest DC has started secondary and despite being immature and irritating because of her ADHD, she's got one definite best friend and it's worked out fine. DC7 has gone into year three and we've kept her there despite being offered a place at the nearer and very good primary which we originally applied for and which is nearest the flat we have now moved into this week. Current primary are really on top of her special needs and she has strong bonds with the staff there. She has had some trouble making friends but when I asked her if she wanted to move to the other school she was adamant she didn't want to so staying put she is, despite where her primary is in relation to us. For our own sake I wish we had moved her but I just didn't know if I could trust the school to be as good as the current one. She can still go to the secondary DC11 does too.

But if the primary she was originally allocated was crap, or meant she wouldn't be able to go to the good secondary, then I definitely would have moved her. Other kids where we live will attend the nearer school (and they've now built one right on our "posh" estate, it's lovely).

In your case I think moving her is the right idea, but I think you need to have a good plan in place to help her adapt, and she needs to see you take her friendships seriously, so making sure you have contact details for the friends is paramount. Over time she will make new ones and may even stop seeing the old ones. But with technology the way it is, she needn't lose them. My DC11 today has had phone calls from her Welsh friends. It's really lovely how they still bother with her as she was only at their primary just short of two years, also.

Go with your guy on this one, OP