Am I wrong?

[Betterdays1]

My ex has been a nightmare all year. Getting drunk, being abusive. Lying, manipulating and it’s always someone else’s fault. We both separated from our partners when we got together although he carried on playing mr nice guy to where his ex would show up at my house, even a few days after having my new born and since then but he’s always called and confirmed her lies but surely there’s no smoke without fire. I used to see his family all the time and they were around the time I got pregnant, but since having my son, he was always drinking, getting violent when confronted with lies and twisting things to make it seem like it’s my fault. Disappearing for days on end then showing up and not apologising just giving the speech about being soulmates and it would last a few days
Then he’d be back to his nasty selfish ways. His family although in the area have only seen my son twice at the most. They always have his exes kids around and at one point he was always down hers ‘babysitting’ whilst she was at work. Until he started taken them elsewhere. Anyway it was my sons birthday and after a violent argument I hadn’t seen him for almost a week then he shows up full of love and excited for his sons birthday, talking about coming back with gifts then later I see him with his child ‘babysitting’ then I see his car parked outside hers which apparently he was only there changing the boy. Anyway after I spoke to him I told him to keep the gifts and to stay away, I’m tired of his toxic behaviour and he only comes round using the baby as an excuse spends 2 mins with him then he’s spouting his declaration of love. Anyway he lets himself into my house whilst I’m out and leaves the gifts (didn’t even know he had another sneaky key cut) so I say I’m not having this, I call his friend and tell him to tell him to call me so I can give him back his gifts .. he then tries to guilt trip me saying they were from his family (the same family who don’t see my son) and then protests his innocence and how I’m being unreasonable then once again gets violent. Anyway spoke since then, no remorse at all. I’m the problem I’m the issue and giving back the gifts was the last straw. Am I wrong in telling him to stay away from me and
The baby for good?

Of course ypu need to get rid of this beast. He's no good for you or your son. In fact acting like that. He's no good to any women. I think there's a high chance he was violent to his ex. He hasn't just switched from being a saint to a monster, has he.
I'm.going to give this thread a few bumps.

Bump

Bump.

Bump

You’re not unreasonable to dump him. Change the locks. As for keeping away from you and the baby, it would probably be best for you to at least agree to supervised access somewhere like a contact centre. If he lets you down and doesn’t turn up or turns up drunk or tries to bad mouth you then stop it. That way at least when DS grows up you can truthfully say you gave him a chance and he blew it.

If it does come to the point where you are having to make a case for stopping contact, concentrate on how badly he has treated you and the insults. Don’t bring up the time he is with his other kids and ‘babysitting’. He’s there father and he is not babysitting, he is parenting them. He sounds like a complete shitbag and probably the only decent thing about him in that post is that he still bothers to see his other kids.

I always get so worried about the OP when I see these types of threads! I haven’t experienced it myself but would feel really vulnerable in your situation OP, I’m sorry. If his been violent then report it to the police & get a restraining order. You & your son deserve so much better!

Thanks all. Sorry I should point out I have absolutely no qualms in him having his other kids I actually commend it and when he was looking after them whilst his other half was at work I was the first person to shove him down there when he was refusing to go because he was tired of looking after them.. that is until she came to the house and said that he was at her house everyday and when I said I know to watch the kids she looked at me confused and then at him in disgust. I know he has issues he’s lost family members and hasn’t overcome his grief etc but I’m tired of finding excuses and the constant stress.

I know I should but I don’t feel vulnerable, it’s almost become the norm. It’s only when I can see it’s getting out of hand, like a couple of weeks ago he punched the mirror and broke his hand. So we ended up sitting in A&E and then he acts like nothing happened. I’m just tired. Thanks everyone for all your comments. Hopefully for my son things will work out eventually because I don’t want him not to have a relationship with his father. I’m just fed up of his behaviour

Are you sure he’s not cheating on you with the ex? He sounds like a complete loser. Get rid.

@augusta2012 no idea. She’s said they were sleeping together before but when he’s rang her in front of her she’s admitted she’s lied. He loves himself and everyone wants him and as he always says he’s welcome at her house anytime so most likely he’ll get his leg over the easiest way. It wouldn’t be the first time. One time, he showed up at the club I was at with my friends and proceeded to get my friend to promise she’d still sleep with him even though he’s with me. I only found out because when we went out for dinner months later, he wouldn’t stop going on about how I should stay away from her, she’s nasty etc etc then slipped in that she’d promised to still sleep with him. So when I asked her it all come out and then that when he showed up to my work place and punched me in the face cause I wouldn’t listen to him. I was 7 months pregnant and the police came but I never pressed charges and work just banned him off site but he always comes back swearing he’s sorry and that he loves me. Well he used too, he don’t even say sorry these days.