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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you have said? Man on bus asking me to give him my seat because 'I'm less disabled than him'.

12 replies

ALongHardWinter · 19/12/2018 18:51

I was on a packed bus yesterday afternoon. A kind lady offered me the priority seat she was sitting in,which I gratefully accepted. Just for the record I have osteo and rheumatoid arthritis in my knees,hips,elbows,wrists,feet,shoulders and fingers. I also have severe tendonitis in my right shoulder,combined with RSI. Plus I also have fibromyalgia (although I appreciate that is not a 'visible' illness,nor would expect a seat on the bus if it was the only condition that I had wrong with me). I use a walking stick,and as long as I get a seat on the bus,all is well. I find it very difficult to stand,not so much because I can't stand,but because I struggle to keep my balance on a moving vehicle. Even holding on with both hands is a struggle because I have very poor grip in my fingers,I cannot hold on very firmly. Also,I end up getting my shoulder wrenched.
Anyway,bloke on crutches gets on at stop after me. He looks around and sees no vacant seats and his gaze alights upon me. 'Scuse me,can I sit there?' he says. 'Mm,no,I'm actually disabled'. I would point out that my walking stick was clearly visible to him (I was holding it in front of me). He glared at me and said 'You've only got ONE walking stick,I'm using 2 crutches!' Before I could come up with a suitable response,one of the men sitting in one of the priority seats behind me jumped up and offered him his seat. He accepted it,sat down,then proceeded to mutter under his breath for the rest of the journey. OK,I can't say for certain that he was ranting about ME,just that I heard the words 'fucking bitch' and 'cow' a few times.
I thought,honestly,it's coming to something when I'm having to play 'My disability trumps yours' on the bus! What would you have said in this situation?

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 19/12/2018 18:52

You did the right thing. He's just a horrible man, not worth a petty exchange of words. Good for you standing your ground with dignity.

justunbelieveable · 19/12/2018 18:54

If you can't stand you can't stand🤷‍♀️ he can ask but he can't get pissed off when someone who needs a seat as well won't give it up.
How weird to try and outdo you on how able you are to stand

Chasingsquirrels · 19/12/2018 18:55

Something along the lines of "I'm sorry I'm disabled and need to sit", then, turning to people in the other priority seats or the non-priority seats behind that (as appropriate), "hopefully one of these people need their seat less than we do?".

FrancisCrawford · 19/12/2018 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeeFarseer · 19/12/2018 18:56

He is an entitled arrogant twat and you would have been well within your rights to tell him to shove his crutches up his arse. How dare he?

RayRayBidet · 19/12/2018 18:57

How about "it's not a competition"
He sounds delightful op, hope you are OK

ALongHardWinter · 19/12/2018 18:58

justunbelievable. Yes,that's exactly what I thought! I've been disabled for 20 years now and in all that time,I have never had an experience like this on public transport. I've had people asking me for a priority seat that haven't actually realised that I am disabled,but never have I had someone trying to make out that I am less deserving of a seat because I am 'less disabled' than them.

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 19/12/2018 19:05

RayRayBidet I'm fine thank you. I was just put out rather than upset. I'm very wary of getting into confrontations with strangers these days as I've learnt that some people can be vile towards disabled people. It was one of the occasions that I wished that my (adult) DD had been with me. She'd have torn him off a strip or two. She won't take any shit if she thinks someone is taking the piss out of me.

BeeFarseer Grin

FrancisCrawford The same thought did cross my mind afterwards! I thought 'Why pick on the one obviously disabled woman,when there are 3 'not obviously disabled' guys sitting in the priority seats,either next to me or behind me?

OP posts:
Xenia · 19/12/2018 19:08

Weird man. I am glad someone else gave up their seat and that dealt with it. It is very hard to decide these things - the usual one is wheelchair v buggy or invisible disability parking in disabled parking v looks half dead. No one should jump to conclusions.

lemony7 · 19/12/2018 19:14

There’s a woman at school who is territorial over “her” disabled parking space. She’s confronted me before for not being as disabled as her. Found telling her she was being ridiculous and it’s not a competition worked well.

He was being a dick. They’re out there. Don’t dwell. It’s not a fucking competition!

PickAChew · 19/12/2018 19:18

Did you point out to him that it's not a gMe of top trumps? You did right not to budge.

silkpyjamasallday · 19/12/2018 19:27

Sounds like he just wanted to have a go at someone, and the disabled woman is less likely to fight back than able bodied appearing men.

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